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Separation anxiety??

JessieCupcakeJessieCupcake member
in June 2012 Moms
I went out with my H for an hour tonight. We left DS with my ILs. We came back to DS crying so hard he could barely catch his breath.

MIL said he cried for 45 minutes straight and was inconsolable. I feel sick over it. I've never seen DS so upset.

Could my DS have separation anxiety? What can I do to fix this? I was only gone for an hour... I can't believe how upset he got. Any advice?
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Re: Separation anxiety??

  • Starbear06Starbear06 member
    Did you guys happen to leave while he was napping? We left DS with MIL once to go had lunch and the same thing happened. He was crying uncontrollably until we got back and held him. Oh and it was also at MIL house which is unfamiliar to him. Second time we left him with MIL at our house and we left while he was still awake and he did fine except didn't eat.
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  • michelle04usmichelle04us member
    J has been doing this anytime I leave his sight for longer than 5 min. Daddy can usually get him calmed down after a little while but sometimes nothing works. Its gotten to the point where I can't leave the house to do errands by myself because I'm afraid he will cry the whole time I'm gone. 
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  • mylittlesunshinemylittlesunshine member

    It could be possible. Was he hungry, wet, tired (any of those)?

    If I remember DD1 didn't get separation anxiety until 8/9 months. We will see how DD2 does.

    "Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body."
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  • mkflower3000mkflower3000 member

    Could it be part of the stormy pre-WW19 phase? They're supposed to get super clingy at that time... 

    Maybe it would help if your LO spent more time with your ILs? That way he'd regard them as very familiar? 

    Good luck! :) 

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  • jamiah18jamiah18 member
    imagemkflower3000:

    Could it be part of the stormy pre-WW19 phase? They're supposed to get super clingy at that time... 

    Maybe it would help if your LO spent more time with your ILs? That way he'd regard them as very familiar? 

    Good luck! :) 

     I was actually thinking this myself.  Maybe it's just a growth-spurt type of thing or maybe it's unfamiliarity? G spends a ton of time with my mom but not much with my mil.  Maybe I should suck it up so she could get used to her grandma.

    Hope things get better for ya, Jess!:)

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  • Starbear06Starbear06 member
    imagejamiah18:
    imagemkflower3000:

    Could it be part of the stormy pre-WW19 phase? They're supposed to get super clingy at that time... 

    Maybe it would help if your LO spent more time with your ILs? That way he'd regard them as very familiar? 

    Good luck! :) 

     I was actually thinking this myself.  Maybe it's just a growth-spurt type of thing or maybe it's unfamiliarity? G spends a ton of time with my mom but not much with my mil.  Maybe I should suck it up so she could get used to her grandma.

    Hope things get better for ya, Jess!:)

    This is me as well. I know DS should start spending more time with MIL but she lives an hour away and doesn't drive. I think I was too traumatized when she came to help the day after we got back from the hospital and since then I've been too hesitant to have her around without my H around. But now that DS is 3 months and I'm more used to this whole motherhood thing her comments probably wouldn't affect me as much. haha. 

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  • JessieCupcakeJessieCupcake member

    Thanks for all your responses ladies. To answer some questions:

    We didn't leave while he was napping. He was awake and seemed okay when we left. 

    He was due to eat soon when we left and I told MIL this. I had the bottle ready for her. MIL said he ate shortly after we left. She said he was fine for 15 minutes and then he was inconsolable. She said she tried everything she could think of including changing his diaper.

    I don't think he was tired because he had just taken a nap before we left. I was actually happy about that, thinking he'd be refreshed for my ILs. *sigh*

    I don't really know much about the wonder weeks but I will look into it, thanks.

    It could be the unfamiliarity thing. He does know my ILs because we spend time with them but maybe he didn't like being away from home? 


     

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  • JessieCupcakeJessieCupcake member

    Also my MIL is supposed to watch DS in a couple of weeks for a few hours while my H and I go to Manhattan with friends. Now I really don't even want to go anymore.. but is there anything I can do to work up to this? I don't want my DS crying for hours. :(

    Again, thanks for all your help.

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  • acbfreireacbfreire member
    The first day I left for 3h at night to work, LO cried for 45 min straight with DH. The second time she was fine. It takes a little bit of time for them to get used to mommy being away. Try again, it will get better!
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  • Starbear06Starbear06 member
    imageacbfreire:
    The first day I left for 3h at night to work, LO cried for 45 min straight with DH. The second time she was fine. It takes a little bit of time for them to get used to mommy being away. Try again, it will get better!

    Agree. LO needs to get used to it which is a good thing so you have more options to leave him if you want. The more babysitters the better!
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  • unaveragejaneunaveragejane member

    DS did this a bit last week when DH's grandmother came over to help me b/c DH was out of town. I didn't even think about it being separation anxiety until now, but it makes sense. I didn't even leave the house...but just going upstairs to take a shower or make a phone call, if I was gone from his sight for more than about 5 minutes he would start fussing and eventually sobbing. As soon as I took him, he would calm right down and be fine. It was the silliest thing. He was also fine as long as I was in the room with them or popping in and out frequently. He loves Mamaw and will "talk" to her as soon as he sees her, but I guess he's getting to a stage where he also knows when his mom isn't nearby and isn't comfortable with that.

    Jessie, is there any way you can let the IL's watch your LO while you are at their house but out of sight for periods of time? It might help reassure him/her if you are just gone for a little bit and then come back, gradually increasing the periods when you are away. It also might not hurt to introduce a lovey. My friend's DS has a sleepy bunny that they take everywhere. He started bonding with it around 4 months, and she says it helped ease transitions for him if he had it with him. (My DS hasn't started noticing his sleepy bunny yet, but I am hoping he will start to snuggle with it soon.)

                 

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  • JessieCupcakeJessieCupcake member
    imageunaveragejane:
    DS did this a bit last week when DH's grandmother came over to help me b/c DH was out of town. I didn't even think about it being separation anxiety until now, but it makes sense. I didn't even leave the house...but just going upstairs to take a shower or make a phone call, if I was gone from his sight for more than about 5 minutes he would start fussing and eventually sobbing. As soon as I took him, he would calm right down and be fine. It was the silliest thing. He was also fine as long as I was in the room with them or popping in and out frequently. He loves Mamaw and will "talk" to her as soon as he sees her, but I guess he's getting to a stage where he also knows when his mom isn't nearby and isn't comfortable with that.Jessie, is there any way you can let the IL's watch your LO while you are at their house but out of sight for periods of time? It might help reassure him/her if you are just gone for a little bit and then come back, gradually increasing the periods when you are away. It also might not hurt to introduce a lovey. My friend's DS has a sleepy bunny that they take everywhere. He started bonding with it around 4 months, and she says it helped ease transitions for him if he had it with him. My DS hasn't started noticing his sleepy bunny yet, but I am hoping he will start to snuggle with it soon.

    Great ideas Jane. My mil is going to try coming to my apartment to watch DS for an hour or so one day this week.
    We thought maybe he'd be more comfortable being away from me if he was in his own environment.

    I will try what you said though because he needs to get used to other places like IL's house.. I think the lovey is a great idea. When I left him at their house, I didn't bring any of his toys he likes. Looking back that was a mistake.

    Thanks for the ideas!
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