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January 2013 Moms
RockyTopVols
member
I'm going to disown my SIL (yup, vent)
RockyTopVols
member
I try to keep an open mind and think positive about the family I unwillingly inherited through my wife. My wife is awesome, amazing, and is a badass. She rules. Her family sucks. Primarily her sister.
My SIL has shown 0 interest in my wife's pregnancy. She doesn't ask how things are going. She doesn't ask to see an pics. She doesn't try to be involved-ish. The freaking mail man knows more about the pregnancy than my SIL, only because he noticed my wife is getting tons of baby mags and ads and asked. He is a nice old man.
Anyhow, so.. my wife has some awesome friends. One of these ladies is an older woman in her 60s and is a sweetheart. She is married to a pretty wealthy guy who owns a bunch of car dealerships in the region. So she offerred to host the baby shower at her giant house with a giant reception area outside of her pool. It is a great place. She isn't very planning-friendly and forgets a lot so she asked my SIL to help plan it with her and some of my wifes friends. My SIL stuck her nose up to them- she said she was going to have "the real babyshower" and she should be the only one throwing the shower because she is my wife's "only sister". So.. my wife is going to have 2 baby showers. One for family friends, one for work friends. Not a bad idea I suppose even though 90% of my wifes friends are work friends. But okay. A small one and a big one.. cool.
Well, I find out yesterday that my SIL decided she isn't going to do it anymore. She had been planning to do it in like 2 weeks. She apparently called one of my wifes childhood friends and dumped it all on her- and never told my wife. So now this poor friend of my wife's is trying to come up with a shower for like 7 people even though she would probably rather help my wife's other friends plan their big shower. My wife's friend had to tell her that her sister dumped it all off on her with short notice. I think my wife is going to try to talk to her friend about joining forces with the other group because this whole "other shower" got started because my SIL wanted to be HMFIC but then drops out at last second for the drama and "lols".
So today is my SILs birthday as well. I debated whether we get her anything for her bday because my wife's Bday was a couple months ago... SIL never said happy birthday to my wife or got her anything. Well, we decided we would get her card and giftcard. My wife texts her today to tell her Happy Birthday. My SIL apparently goes all "pity party" about how no one is making a big deal about her big day.. She is 32 years old!!! Get a grip!! Then she makes a comment how she wants to do a big family dinner because the family nevers gets together....
That was it for me. We get together EVERY week! Since football season started, we have invited her entire family over EVERY Saturday. My wife and I buy the food for everyone and cook for everyone. Her dad, brother, nephew, and sister usually come over. My mom and stepdad show up sometmes too. And eat. For free. And they all use our washer/dryer because my BIL doesnt like the facility laundrymat. My FIL and SIL's dryer is broken (yes she is 32 and lives with him because she fails at life). So.. we NEVER get together yet she was over eating yet another home cooked meal provided my wife and I last Saturday? I told my wife that she can KMA and not come over to our house again for dinner since she never gets that magical family dinner she seems she is missing out. Oh, and EVERY Sunday morning? We all meet at the same place and her Dad buys everyone brunch. $100+ every Sunday he spends on this family get together.
Her egocentric selfish self-centered attitude is really wearing my patience THIN. My wife is already upset by the way her sister treats her and takes advantage of her. Throw on pregnancy hormones and I have a nightmare to deal with.
Sorry for the vent. Kinda.
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Re: I'm going to disown my SIL (yup, vent)
Oh Daniel, I'm sorry your SIL is being like this to your wife. I'm sure she would love to have her sister involved more and be more interested in the pregnancy or just in her life in general. To me, personally, it sounds like SIL is probably jealous and her not asking about the pregnancy or even acknowledging it is her way of avoiding the reality that she does "suck at life" and your wife and her sister is thriving.
I will say . . my SIL kind of stinks too. Sadly, we don't have near the relationship I wish we did. She doesn't suck at life and is generally pretty self sufficient living on her own, working, etc but she just isn't very friendly and has no interest in being my friend or really being part of our lives. I can count on one hand the number of real conversations we have had over the 4+ years I've been dating/married to her brother.
Our house building adventure (UPDATED 8/20/12)
Wedding Planning Bio
Our wedding blogged! (Click Brad & Briana on the right side)
Our house building adventure (UPDATED 8/20/12)
Wedding Planning Bio
Our wedding blogged! (Click Brad & Briana on the right side)
No one can blame you for being frustrated! I know exactly how your feel. My BIL and his wife are skinheads (literally) that live at home with my MIL. I want nothing to do with them and my husband completely understands (and doesn't share their beliefs AT ALL).
Have you talked to your wife about this? I know it's a touchy subject because she's your wife's sister but perhaps coming to her calmly and explaining what you see will allow her to see that her sister is just a pain more than anything. I had to tell my husband "Look, I know he's your brother and you love him because of that but I can't stand him because x,y,z" and he was rather receptive to it. He also knows I don't tolerate that dumb sh*t.
I will admit, I haven't been the best about this. I don't take it out on her but I think I use my wife to vent to sometimes. I know she is her sister and she wants everyone to get a long- but she also knows it isn't in me to let her get taken advantage of for the sake of "getting along".
I wish there was a way my SIL would just... grow up a bit and be the sister my wife wants and needs. And not the monster she acts like sometimes. It stresses my wife out therefore stresses me out lol.
lol. This has my LOL literally everytime I read that word.
Fully understand how you feel. I try and understand how my husband feels as well. Honestly, for me and your wife might be different but the best thing my DH can do is just act civil and nice to my mom, even if its just an act and then not vent to me later. It's hard to hear venting out your own family especially if you feel powerless to change the situation.
I will say you need to be honest with your wife and support her feelings but maybe try to let her vent first and then only add your thoughts when she gives you that opening of "don't you agree" or "what do you think we should do". I know when DH and I are talking I just naturally have those questions and thoughts.
Our house building adventure (UPDATED 8/20/12)
Wedding Planning Bio
Our wedding blogged! (Click Brad & Briana on the right side)
Totally agree with this. DH & I aren't really big fans of each other's parents... we all get along but it's a VERY delicate balance, and we've both learned the hard way that it's best not to vent to each other about our parents. It doesn't accomplish anything but more fights & hurt feelings, plus the fact is that the in-laws aren't going anywhere and nothing you can do personally will change who they are. They have to want to change themselves. GL!
26 years old, married since June 2009, DS born 1/19/13
Dear Baby Pacheco...
Wow. Yes, she defines "twatwaffle," thank you zona.
DH is an only child so I don't have any SIL or BIL experience but this reminds me a little of my mom's cousin who is in her 40s and single. She never RSVPed to my wedding and generally ignores any good news that happens to me and my sister. My mom takes it really personally because they were close, but at the same time, how much must it suck to be getting older and watching others, particularly younger relatives, get married and have kids when you're not there?
Not that this excuses your SIL's behavior at all. But I can see that bitterness and jealousy drives her actions. I think you'll have to just accept her how she is, twatwaffle-y and all. Even if she marries someone decent and starts a family and all that, chances are she'll still have shades of craziness.
Well anyway, vent to us anytime if it helps. I hope everything works out with the shower and your SIL stays out of your hair for a while!
Norah transformed our family January 6, 2013
You say your SIL is 32 years old. Is she married? The first thought I have is that she is jealous. After having my losses, it was always hard for me to see others pregnant. Now, I was still happy for them and I didn't treat them like this, but perhaps it is very hard for her to see her sister, happily married to a great guy (lets face facts, your better than the average bear in that department) and with a little one on the way and here she is living with you FIL, 32 years old, and clearly a bit selfish to boot. My SIL was fantastic while I was pregnant with DD, but the moment she was born it was like she turned on me. We used to get together once a week and suddenly I had a colicky baby and I needed her friendship and she was no where around. We had even moved a block from her house and she never came to visit. Once she had her babies she came back in my life and everything was back to normal.
I'm sorry your wife is having a hard time. Perhaps her sister will grow up once the pregnancy is over and she can fall in love with your LO.
My BIL (DH's older brother) is 33 and an idiot. He was the best man in our wedding and planned nothing for him---the other groomsman did it all. Sounds like my BIL and your SIL would be a perfect match!
I used to get very upset and gripe to DH about his brother but it really makes him go on the defense and puts him in the middle so I try to just listen more and talk less if that makes sense. Good luck!
Nope, she gets really clingy with guys and scares them away. Although she has now being dating this guy for like a month and a half now. Longest relationship she has ever had since I have known her. Granted, he is 39 and lives with his mom and is a self proclaimed pothead.. but hey... I guess there is someone out there for everyone lol.
Thanks for all of the advice guys. I am sure it is going to get worse since my wife and I decided to use their mother's middle name for our daughter even if it is going to upset my SIL.
I am going to try to do my best to just listen to my wife and smile and nod. I know me jumping on the "Yeah, you are right- your sister sucks" bandwagon doesn't truly help her. Until it becomes a thing where she starts actively interfering in my or my kids life, I am going to try to let it roll off of me.