i may have flipped out but...

mandawest · October 2012

I think it is ridiculous that my husband has not been helping at night because he has to work in the morning and I don't. Apparently he thinks caring for a newborn means I can sleep all day long.

So after being awake with my LO for a few hours with her screaming, feeling like I was going to pass out, and wanting to leave her in her crib screaming, I woke DH up, told him he needed to take her now, burst into tears and told him it was BS that he didn't feel like he had to help with his own daughter. And then I went to sleep for 5 glorious hours.

Looks like I need to work on my communication skills, but man I feel so much better. Anybody else's hubby not help at night? I am BF but I always have a few pumped bottles in the fridge so that DH can help.

stella_blu · October 2012

My DH sleeps through just about anything. It was always easier for me to deal with DD at night than to wake up and wake him to help with her. It just meant me napping when he got home from work a lot. I also felt like he wouldn't do things the way I would or the way she was used to and I hovered a lot so I didn't get any rest while he was "helping". I'm glad you spoke up though! It's hard being the mommy!

hmp1 · October 2012

I got frustrated at dh for falling asleep at 8 on the couch the night before last. He said he only got 4hrs the night before, but that wasnt because of the baby. He had stayed up sending work emails until 3am. Anytime I complain about him sleeping and not helping, he says all I have to do is ask. He is getting better. Since ds slept through dh's feeding last night, I had dh wake at 3:30 to change his diaper before I fed him.

mavs41 · October 2012

DH goes to work at 3 or 4 most mornings. He doesn't do much at nights, which I'm ok with but I wish he would come home and stay up with DS so I could take a good nap. But he always insists on taking a nap with me and is a deep sleeper so he ends up sleeping and i give up on the nap. Yesterday he had been talking about how many more weeks until we could have sex. When DS started crying and DH said he couldn't get up because his feet hurt, I got up and snapped that he may be waiting a lot longer than 6 weeks.

DH couldn't sleep last night so he stayed up with DS while I slept, until he went to work. That was wonderful!

sweetiebird726 · October 2012

It's not that my DH doesn't want to help out at night, it's just easier sometimes if he doesn't. I'm much faster at changing the diapers than he is, and he has a tendency to wake DS up during changes in the middle of the night.

Plus, if he's up half the night with me, then works all day, he is generally pretty wiped out and not much help in the evening. After entertaining my very active/alert little guy all day, I want a break when DH gets home.

He does wake up when DS wakes up, and I will tell him if I need help or not. However, if I DO need help, he gets up immediately. After my c-section and me not sleeping more than an hour a night for almost a week leading up to delivery and after we came home, DH stayed up with DS all night one night last week when he was on leave so I could sleep. It was a godsend and a lifesaver, and I think totally saved me from having a complete breakdown.

Sounds like you need to have a conversation with your DH about what your expectations are re: helping, and what his thoughts are.

Mom2Mack1 · October 2012

DH doesn't get up at night, he doesn't even budge when DS fusses. He offered the one day to get up but what's the point when I'd have to wake him up so I'm already awake. I might as well do it myself.

I def learned with DD that I have to communicate to him what needs done. It's just how he is. Sometimes it's frustrating but I'm pretty much used to it now.

Stasi · October 2012

We originally agreed that I would take the bulk to the work at night so DH could get some sleep to function during the work day. This might change after a few rough nights due to the baby having a cold.

I told him, through tears, last evening that I was exhausted and I needed help at night. Crafty DH called his Mother and asked if she could come help today and tomorrow and he would pick up the slack this weekend.

We are definitely going to introduce a bottle this weekend!

redneckmomma25 · October 2012

DH doesn't help at night and he isn't back to work yet. I just don't see the point. He can't feed her. At this point, he isn't able to sooth her really either. He is a really big guy and is working being less afraid with her. But I understand. If I needed him to do something all I have to do is ask. He helps me out by getting me food and different things. If I need him to do something i just ask, I just don't expect him to jump right in.

BPer · October 2012

Aw, I'm sorry.

Does your H work a normal 9-5 type job? Even if he doesn't get up to help in the middle of the night, he can chip in when he gets home so you can have some time to yourself.

This is what has been working for us...

I've been going to bed around 9pm. H stays up later, gives her a bottle around midnight, and then puts her to bed until around 3-4am when she wakes to feed again. Basically he covers anything that I need him to between when he gets home from work, until he is ready to go to bed. I cover everything in the early morning, and obviously the day time.

I hope it gets better for you!

MarisaKathleen · October 2012

My DH gets up with her on weekends once a night so I can get a full night's sleep. During the week, yea, I think it's stupid for him to get up. He gets up for work at 4am and drives for an hour to get there...I don't want him being tired for that since that's our only source of income for the next 6 weeks. (He totaled a car 3 years ago after falling asleep at the wheel with these stupid hours.)

That being said, on the 2 occasions where LO has gone bananas in the middle of the night and stayed up for 2 or 3 hours I've woken him up. Sometimes I'm so frustrated and when my DH comes and picks her up she's fine.

OceanLover26 · October 2012

Mom2Mack1:
DH doesn't get up at night, he doesn't even budge when DS fusses. He offered the one day to get up but what's the point when I'd have to wake him up so I'm already awake. I might as well do it myself.

I def learned with DD that I have to communicate to him what needs done. It's just how he is. Sometimes it's frustrating but I'm pretty much used to it now.

All of this.

Sparty On · October 2012

I'm on my own at night, but I prefer it that way. MH has a stressful job and both of us being sleep deprived makes my house a very unhappy place.

ilovelife · October 2012

My dh does not get up at night with dd because "you bf her so what's the point". I do make him get up with ds if he wakes in the middle of the night.

INmommy871278 · October 2012

DH gets to sleep Sunday thru Thursday night, but Friday and Saturday night he will get up with LO so I can sleep. He works as a mechanic, so honestly I would rather him get some sleep than to be sleep deprived and end up loosing a finger or worse because he got up with LO and didn't get any sleep. Every once in awhile if LO wakes up while DH is getting ready for work he will get LO out of bed and console him while I get the bottle ready. Generally though, LO will sleep through the night unless he is going through a growth spurt which happened last week.

kshifftyf28 · October 2012

Dh just doesnt get it. No wonder you snapped we are all exhausted. i get up at night and am home all day with baby. I also drive 2.5 hrs round trip to pick up dh everyday. Dh feels the need to tell me everytime the baby cries instead of picking him up himself. At night feedings he is half asleep telling me what i am doing wrong. last night he yelled your going to break his fing neck. I was making a bottle and not even holding baby. I am about to tell him to help out or sleep on couch.

krissers2012 · October 2012

I don't know, maybe I crazy. But I don't expect my husband AT ALL to get up in the night when he has to go to work in the morning. BUT, I am a SAHM, I think it's a bit crazy for a SAHM to expect the dad to get up in the night during the work week, period. He gets up with her ALL night Friday and Saturday to give me a break and he offers because he appreciates me taking care of her all week. It's tough being the only one to take care of her all week, but it's worth having a hard working husband that takes care of us and gives me the opportunity to be a SAHM.

monica92603 · October 2012

DS sleeps extremely well and has from the get go getting up just once a night. He usually takes his last feeding around 8-9 and sleeps till around 3 or 4. H works different hours/days every week so he will help when he can by getting up w/ DD in the morning and letting me snooze a little longer. It works for me. Maybe once or twice when I've really felt the need to nap when he gets home from work I just do. When he looks over and sees me sleeping on the couch that tells him he's in charge lol. Hang in there and speak up when you feel you need to. Men can be dumb and need it spelled out for them.

jlh2716 · October 2012

Bethevans85:
DH doesn't help at night and he isn't back to work yet. I just don't see the point. He can't feed her. At this point, he isn't able to sooth her really either. He is a really big guy and is working being less afraid with her. But I understand. If I needed him to do something all I have to do is ask. He helps me out by getting me food and different things. If I need him to do something i just ask, I just don't expect him to jump right in.

This, except my husband is back to work.

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