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3rd Trimester
Chocodoxies
member
C-section vs. "natural" delivery
Chocodoxies
member
I am a strong proponent of women laboring and delivering they way they wish to, without judgement. Here is my question, why is it that many women who deliver through a c-section feel they must explain their choice? For me, I am more comfortable with a vaginal delivery, hopefully unmedicated but we will see. My SIL gave birth to her first vaginally, then her 2nd and 3rd through requested c-section. To this day she will spend a good amount of time explaining that her pelvis is not big enough to pass a child through, yet she passed her 7lb baby girl and I always wonder why she feels she must qualify her reasoning. Her first labor was terribly painful! She had back labor the entire time, her nurses refused to listen to her and the doctor used a vacuum that popped off three times. Seems a good enough reason to me to be terrified to have a vaginal delivery, and that is what I would say. I didn't have a good delivery, it was terribly painful and I don't want to go through that again.
Without meaning any judgement at all when writing this, do you mother's that choose to deliver through a c-section feel that you must explain yourself beyond "my body, my baby, my choice"? And if so, what makes you feel that way?
Lost but never forgotten 
: </br>
1st BFP 2/8/06 m/c @ 12 weeks;
2nd BFP 2/9/07 w/ Clomid; DD (Monica Caroline) born 11/16/07;
3rd BFP 3/25/11 w/ injections m/c @ 5 weeks;
4th BFP 8/3/11 w/ injections diagnosed blighted ovum;
5th BFP 1/20/12 m/c @ 9 weeks;
6th BFP 4/27/12 Praying for our rainbow
: </br>
1st BFP 2/8/06 m/c @ 12 weeks;
2nd BFP 2/9/07 w/ Clomid; DD (Monica Caroline) born 11/16/07;
3rd BFP 3/25/11 w/ injections m/c @ 5 weeks;
4th BFP 8/3/11 w/ injections diagnosed blighted ovum;
5th BFP 1/20/12 m/c @ 9 weeks;
6th BFP 4/27/12 Praying for our rainbow
This discussion has been closed.
Re: C-section vs. &quot;natural&quot; delivery
It is unfortunate that women feel that way and I've found it's the same with formula vs. BFing. I always hear women listing all the reasons they had to formula feed, whereas a BFing mom is far less likely to have to defend her choice.
Honestly though I would side-eye a doctor for agreeing to any medical intervention without cause, goodness knows it happens every day though.
I find the FF vs. BF statement to be true also. I have seen that debate turn into major fireworks, so I can see why women defend their views. I have heard so many women talk about their experience with c-sections and they seem to almost always start with "I had to have a c-section because". I understand that the US's c-section rate is nearly 30%, much higher than most countries, and thus we must be performing them in circumstances that are considered "elective" here in the states more often than really medically necessary. My thought is that women are feeling either bullied by the doctor into having the surgery, and thus must defend it when recounting the tale, or they are feeling bullied by non-medical personnel and must defend their choice. I'm curious if either is the case.
I always worry about that too! I was just talking to someone recently at a b-day party and she asked how I knew the family. I explained that we met through our Hypnobirthing class when we were pregnant and she said, "You went natural? I wanted to but it was too hard!" Then of course I was worried about making her feel bad and so I told her how I was never against pain meds and part of the reason I didn't want an epi was because I was scared of a needle in my back and had told my DH that if I asked for an epi he was not to talk me out of it, etc. I guess you are right any way you cut it, judgement just comes with the territory.
Cole Joseph 7/05/07
Nora Anne 11/03/12
9lbs, 6oz
I feel this way too. Delivering my DD was surprisingly easy for me given all that I was worried about. My epi didn't work on my right side, then wore of completely at 8cm. She was born without meds at all and I was surprised that I handled it well. Whenever I tell the story I feel like I have to say, "but who knows, this one could be really hard" as a way of padding my experience.
It's funny you say this, because many women who have never had a C-section think they are easy. Mine was HORRIBLE, and painful. And the pain lasted weeks instead of hours. I would choose vaginal over C-section any day, if I could.
However, I am one of those who has huge babies and seriously can't fit them through my small pelvis. DD was almost 11 pounds. This baby seems already like he will be bigger.
I think women explain themselves because of all the whispering behind the back they endure and all the PSAs about how vaginal delivery is better. The same thing happens with BF versus FF.
I agree that in most cases, vaginal is better. However, sometimes C-sections are life-saving. My friend, who did a natural birth (which I had also wanted), actually was like "Oh, I'm sooooo sorry for you that you had a C-section, you didn't get to experience labor, and oh, your poor baby." My response: "better a living and whole baby and mother than a seriously injured or dead baby or mother after an attempted vaginal."
However, many "vaginal snobs" don't get this. They assume we chose to take the "easy way out." This makes me laugh. C-sections are NOT easy. Like vaginal births, some are terrible, some are OK, but I'd rather not have my guts lying on a surgical table given the choice.
This! Unless you want or do the EXACT same thing as the person you are talking to, someone will feel the need to "defend" their choice/actions. It's really sad because every mom/baby is different and that uniqueness should be respected. Hopefully every mom will find a group of other moms that she can talk to, vent to and ask questions o,f that will make her feel comfortable in her own parenting style.
It is true, I have never had a c-section and suppose I don't realize the amount of pain and recovery involved. I would imagine that having a major surgery is difficult and the recovery with a brand new LO to care for is not enjoyable or "easy" as you say. With my SIL's case she is capable of a vaginal delivery, but I think she was scared off from trying another. I think she was really traumatized. Though c-sections are medically required in many cases, her's was not, and I always feel badly that she feels she must explain away the reality. That she was downright terrified of another vaginal birth. If this is true of her, it must be true of at least some others.
I hate that it is Csection VS V Birth.
I really hate that they are against eachother. Who gives a rats butt how a baby got out of another woman's body. I know I don't care. I don't care how or why she chose what she chose.
I have seen this conversation get real ugly on here before where V-birthers flat out insult Csection gals and vice versa. That is why everyone defends everything they do b/c there are judgemental people.
I had an emergency csection with DD#1 and no matter what my doc told me I fully planned a RCS this time. My csection went amazing and recovery was a breeze so why wouldn't I want to do that again! I told my aunt this and she looked stunned and couldn't believe I didn't want try a vbirth.
Well said.
I definitely don't feel that I have to defend my choice b/c it was just that... MY choice. I also had an emergency c/s the first time and had no desire to VBAC. I honestly didn't care from the get-go how my baby got out the first time either, just that we were both healthy and safe. My recovery was tough the first time but so was my pregnancy. This time it's been better and I'm hoping that my recovery will be as well.
I was talking to my mom the other day about how I feel this time knowing when he's coming (well when he'll be here by anyway) and I'm so calm. I'm a planner by nature so that may be why I'm more comfortable with the RCS as well. Just resting and enjoying these last days with DS before we're a family of 4.
People find ridiculous things to be judgemental about. I've even had to explain why I'm giving birth at one hospital over another (why the hell do you care??? It's a hospital!).
I don't care whatsoever how someone decides to do this or that to his or her child or body. It's not my life, it's not my choice, it doesn't affect me, therefore it's none of my business.
Personally I rather not have a c-section because it is a surgery and I don't want to be cut open and have a longer recovery period than a vaginal birth. Obviously if I have to get one for medical reasons, I won't say no.
So If somebody told me they had major surgery last week, my reaction would be " omg, why??" because it's not an extremely safe or enjoyable thing to do just because.
Not to knock c section when necessary because they save lives in emergency situations. And as far as elective goes, I really don't care it's your life. But I feel like alot of people realize that major surgery is reserved for emergencies so when you say c section, I assume you had a serious complication.
Thanks for the honest and upfront answer! I can understand tacking in the "emergency c-section" bit to stave off the judgmental comments.
This is exactly what I have experienced. As a matter of fact, you may have described it considerably better than I did. I can understand the sensation of feeling like you have "failed" though. I felt that way when I had to stop breastfeeding. It was really hard on me and it took me nearly a month to "get over" that upset and enjoy feeding my DD with a bottle of formula.
I hate that I have to explain my csection. It was a horrible experience, and not the choice I would make. DD was breech. I get arguments as to why I didn't fight for a vaginal birth, or as to why the baby wasn't flipped... or, I get told how much better I had it.... (for what it is worth, my spinal didn't work, I was cut open WITHOUT any anesthesia on my right side , and immediately knocked out, missed DD's birth and first few hours)
I don't argue people when they say they want a csection, which my friend recently did, but I did try and inform her, that it isn't "the easy way" that many people make it out to be. I couldn't get out of bed unassisted for about 3 weeks.
I also hate that a few friends who are very pro-vaginal birth keep pushing me for a birth center. I personally want to be in the hospital when I *hopefully* vbac.
And this is why women feel they must justify their decision. That whole thing has an overriding tone of judgement and quite a bit of misinformation. I was not strapped down. I held my baby right away. I was nursing in the OR. My recoveries were quicker than any of my sisters' vaginals. Oh, and there is a risk of infection with a vaginal birth.
How cares how someone else brings their child into the world?
Yes there is a harm in trying. There is a reason some hospitals don't allow VBACs. Mostly it is because they don't have the support staff to handle an emergency situation.
Holy moly that is a lot of misinformation in one short paragraph. Not everyone is fully awake but I do think you would prefer it that way! I was not strapped down. At my hospital you hold baby right away. It took about two min before I did b/c she had inhaled some meconium so they had to suction her first. She also wasn't passed around. DH carried her everywhere. She was then taken to the nursery, by DH, and brought back to me within less than 30 min and we BF'd. She was then always with me unless I chose to send her to the nursery. My recovery was super easy, and much better than my friend who had previously had a Vaginal birth.
This is really interesting. "Have a caesar, save the beaver" that does illicit a giggle I have to admit. Where do you live?
I had one elective c-section and doing the same with this one. I am totally of the belief...my body, my baby, my choice. People (mostly woman - in my experience) love to sit back and judge. I believe that is why some of us c-section mommies feel the need to explain further. When I get a woman or anyone look at me like "why the hell would you choose to have a C-section" I look back at them just as puzzled. Do you seriously think this is a blind decision....that I am uneducated about what I am electing to do??? Makes me shake my head. That is what annoys me most. I did my homework, and here is my choice. End of the day it is about what kind of parent you intend on being. That is what matters. People concerned with how or why you will bring your child into the world this way or that way are pieces of work who really just need to zip their lips.
South Africa.
I'm not saying this is what happens in all of South Africa at all, but I have come across this attitude a lot since I got pregnant, and I was warned about which OBs to avoid if I was hoping for a vaginal delivery.
A c-section is considered an intervention and in most cases it is done for medical reasons. I would assume that is why people ask why and also why women explain why they had a c-section.