Divorce and newly pregnant
Hello, I am new to this board. Here is my story in a summary:
A few weeks ago, DH and I decided we were ready to try for baby #2...so we tried. We went on a vacation for 2 weeks and had a huge, huge fight for the duration of the trip. When returning home (last Monday), he told me he wants a divorce. Friday I took a pregnancy test, and lucky us, I am pregnant...
Our relationship has always been one that needs extra work, but overall we were working on things and both wanting to make things work. After this fight, he decided that he no longer wants to be married to me.
When I told him about the pregnancy, he told me congratulations and that he would always support me, our son and the baby- implication financially.
I have stayed home for the past 3 years with our son, and now am facing returning to work. I do have a masters degree and 8 years of experience, but this is all so overwhelming.
If anyone has been in a similar situation, I would love some words of encouragement or advice. I feel so lost right now. Thanks.
Re: Divorce and newly pregnant
I'm in a similar situation, but I dont think I am pregnant. I very well could be, but I hope I'm not.
Basically to me there are 2 options, abortion or keeping it. I know the first is a huge controversy, but I have seriously considered it if I were. Just know you have the right to be happy with your son.
I'm so sorry to hear about your situation. Do you really think your marriage is over? Is there any hope of restoration? If there is even a little hope, I would encourage you and your husband to get some counseling. If you don't have a counselor, I know that Focus on the Family offers free counseling services. During my time working there, they have helped so many couples facing circumstances similar to yours.
If, in fact, your husband does want to continue with a divorce, you might want to take a look at the book When I Do Becomes I Don't. It has some great insight for people going through a divorce. It might help you as you walk through the next season in your life.
I'll be praying for you in the days ahead. Hang in there, and take care of yourself. You have two precious children who need you more than ever right now. Blessings!
Marriage is work. I've always heard this phase. I also had a marriage that required extra work. I've learned thru therapy that the extra work should have been my red flag to run before we ever got married. I am coming up to a year being a single mom and although I miss some parts of my marriage I definitely am looking forward to spending my life with someone that doesn't almost always require extra work to maintain peace at home. I'd suggest looking into individual therapy. If you guys talk and decide on couples therapy thats great but I would still strongly recommend individual therapy so you can have some choice and find strength in all this mess.
Hi There.
When I say I've been there, I mean it. Twice.
When I was 3 weeks from delivering my daughter, I found that my ex had been having an affair with three (3) other girls (they don't deserve title of "women") simultaneously. I was beyond devastated, of course, but add to that the prospect of a new baby and doing it alone?!? NOT what I bargained for.
I was lost, alone, terrified and so so so so so sorry to my baby that she was not going to get the family experience I tried/wanted/ and thought I could give her. I begged God every day to just allow me to wake from this nightmare.
Long story short: I married 11 months ago (6 years after the pain and heartbreak of my life being imploded by someone else against my will) and for various various VARIOUS reasons -- despite the fact that I now we both very much love each other -- our marriage is not working. My daughter and I have been on our own since April, a whopping 4 months into my marriage. Oh, and have I mentioned I'm pregnant again? My husband and I have been knocking ourselves out trying to make things work and yes, we were recently intimate as husband and wife (not very common nor a habit for us AT ALL; things "happen" as I am sure we all know). Lo and behold, I am very very early into pregnancy but I have none of the fear and misgivings I had 7 years ago on the verge of delivering my little girl.
Having known NOTHING but single parenthood, you will AMAZE yourself with what you are capable of. And honestly? The bond that exists between my daughter and me just cannot be matched by anyone. We are a true team. She is my roadie, my little love and she is the most well-adjusted, mature, articulate, sensitive, charitable, wondrous little girl. My fears that I somehow would "gyp" her or deprive her of an awesome life were completely and totally unfounded.
Also, I gotta say....There are DEFINITE advantages to shared custody
Having time truly to myself (when she is at her Daddy's house with her Step-Mom and two little siblings) is a blessing. Most times, I spend evenings in a bubble bath with a glass (or bottle 
of wine, my very own t.v. shows (no Sprout or Noggin or Disney). I've traveled and vacationed and worked all over the world without fear, knowing my girl is safe and sound with her Dad, where she should be when she is without me.
Here is my humble advice that I truly hope can help you:
1) Get to a Therapist. Go online, read patient reviews, find someone who specializes in Women's Issues. If you don't feel comfortable with someone or you're not getting too much out of it, then fire that therapist and keep going until you find your fit. TRUST ME. A safe, non-emotional, non-judgmental place to explore the host of conflicting feelings you are sure to have is a MUST and will be so so so very helpful to you.
2) Start working on changing or tweaking any pre-conceived notions you may have over what the "perfect family" looks like or what Holiday's look like. This past December was the very first time I ever woke up with my daughter on Christmas morning. Most parents cannot imagine not waking with their babies on Christmas morn to see what Santa left, but you know what? For me, it was far more important that my baby have Christmas Dinner with her Mommy and her "real" family as opposed to the family of her step-mom. Does it suck? yeah. But do I get to spend a leisurely evening with my single friends and even other single moms whose kids are at the other parent wrapping presents, eating way too much food, drinking too much wine and living like a single lady for one night? Yeah, I do. And although the memories may be different than what Rockwell had in mind when he painted, they are awesome, they are mine and it works for me.
3) Never, ever, EVER forget that women are honestly the most amazing creatures on Earth. There is nothing and I mean NADA that we cannot handle. God has given us practically unlimited reserves of strength, patience, kindness...those virtues coupled with a second-to-none ability to multi-task like maniacs makes us all superhero's. And you know what? Between you and me? Single Mom's are the MOST amazing.
Dig deep, girl. You got this. It's okay to be sad, worried, concerned, etc. etc. etc but go find yourself that therapist, allow yourself to mourn your relationship and what could have been and know that you are sooooooo not alone.
I really really hope I may have helped even a tiny bit.
Peace and Tranquility to you and your lil one!