New and at a mental breakdown looking for insight.
As if finding out on my one year anniverssary that my H was cheating behind my back, while we were trying to conceive wasn't enough, adding that I just found out Im pregnant is throwing me for a huge loop. I was prepared to move on with my life and Im still going to, under NO circumstance would I get back together with this man. I just don't know how Im going to do it.
We went to marriage counseling before trying because things starting to get wierd to say the least. He has always had a temper but it really started to turn into physical and a lot of things happened. I called domestic violence hotline and my therapist has reports Im sure but I never went to the police being I was scared because thats what he works for.
I don't want him to have anything to do with the child and quite frankly I feel guilty bringing a child into this situation. I have no idea how this happened. I must have O'd early, and we had sex a day before I found out he was cheating. Im just devestated and have no idea what to do.
I had to make a report about him when I finally did go to police because he was twisting my works around and saying "I was going to kill him when he got home from work". Im just done and have no idea what to do.
When things were "good" between us I lost 2 pregnancies so Im going to the doctor asap. I just don't know what to do or where to go from here. The man was picking up woman at his job and is just not mentally right in the head. Plus I know he would try to probably fight for custody so that he won't have to pay child support. Thus his mom (who does everything for his lazy 25 year old self) will probably end up doing everything for him and I don't want my child being raised by her for many different reasons.
I don't have a job, but Im almost finished with school in about 6 months, I just have no idea what to do and where to go from here. I don't feel its fair to bring a child into this situation with a man that is so mental.
Can I have some words of wisdom?
Re: New and at a mental breakdown looking for insight.
I'm sorry to hear you are going through this.
I pretty much tell everyone with babies that you have the upper hand when it comes to timesharing. Especially if you are breastfeeding. You will be considered the primary caregiver/primary custodial parent and he will be awarded visitation. For young children the visitation given to noncustodial parent is limited because the child needs to spend most of their time with the primary parent for developmental purposes. Really the only way this would change is if he could prove you an unfit parent which is very difficult. The only way this would happen is if you have any convictions for drugs or abuse something very serious like that.
Same goes for him. Unless you can prove that he is abusive he will most likely be awarded visitation with the child. If you wanted to you could try to push for supervised visits because of his history.
Since you are the primary parent and you don't have a job you will be awarded child support. If he doesn't pay you can have his check garnished.
Once the baby is born you will file for child support and then he will most likely request a blood test. Once paternity is determined and child support begins you will most likely go through court ordered mediation to determine a timesharing schedule. If you don't agree you will go in front of a judge. And like I said he will probably only get very limited time with a young child. Do not give the baby his last name if you can avoid it. And before you go to mediation or court and have a timsharing schedule in writing DO NOT let him take the baby anywhere. If you do allow him to see the baby make sure you are always with him and probably have someone else there like a friend or family member with you.
I'm sorry you are going through this. When I found out my husband had been cheating back in 2007, I found out later that week that I was also pregnant and so was the other woman. I had 2 under 2 at the time and when I found out, I was just so angry with God. I was so devastated because I loved him so much. As I look back on the situation now, I know that having a baby to focus on, growing inside me, saved me. He was exactly what I needed. I am so thankful for him now.
As far as custody and all that, make sure you write EVERYTHING down. It will be very important when you go to court to set up visitation. In our state, the court sends you to a mediator first to set up a visitation schedule. You don't have to commit to anything. If you can prove that he is unstable and dangerous and you can provide a fit home, his visitation will be very limited. In our state as well, even 50/50 custody does not mean the father pays less in CS, plus to get a lawyer to take a baby away from a mother is EXTREMLEY expensive. Doesn't sound like something he would be willing to do.
Focus on your education and get some good support behind you. I wish you all the best.
God bless.
I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of Him. ~ 1 Samuel 1:27 NIV