Perspective - heartfelt and kinda long

victoriawaimon · September 2012

I had initially just signed on to ask for some advice about sleeping and naps and how to get a little more sleep out of DS. I just stopped for a minute and realized that our connectedness to information can be such a curse. This is my first child, and in the first month I Googled EVERYTHING - Why is he crying and how to make him stop. Signs of colic? Is he eating enough? Okay to sleep in the car seat? Etc, etc. As all of you know, you can find the blogs of 50 different "experts" with 50 different answers. We live in such a information-centric world and expect instant solutions and instant results...

I look back on my concerns (and being a first-time mom, it's ok to freak out about things), and I think of the best advice my dear grandmother, my Vovo, gave to my eldest sister when she was pregnant, "Dumber people than us have raised children." It's so simple and elementary, but she's right. She raised my father in a village in Portugal without pacifiers, proper cribs, and disposable diapers, and he turned out to be just fine! No Internet there.

The truth is that we are the first generation to rely on the Internet to give us instant solutions to our problems. Although I don't post on this board regularly, I read it daily, and I truly rely on the unbiased advice you ladies give. I love connecting with other mothers who are experiencing the same challenges motherhood presents.

My point is that sometimes I think I need to remember that DS is just a baby and I shouldn't be super concerned with every little thing he does and try to expect an immediate solution for all my questions. He WILL cry sometimes for no reason, His sleeping IS inconsistent. As long as I know he is fed, changed, and not in pain, he will be fine! I need to remember that, although information is just a Google search away, sometimes I just have to accept that there might not be a magic solution to sleeping through the night (which is what I am ever so patiently waiting for!). I have a 100% healthy baby, and I need to never take that for granted.

acbfreire · September 2012

Good for you! That is a great way to set your expectations.

Socialworkgirl · September 2012

Thank you for this. I needed to hear it tonight.

khill86 · September 2012

I totally agree with you. When I was pregnant, a friend with a baby 5 months older asked if I had been reading any books on sleeping, parenting, etc. I told her no, I kind of just wanted to go on my instinct and see where it takes me. She said she wished she had done the same. She had been so obsessed with having the baby that everyone expected her to have that she kept reading book after book and calling expert after expert. All she got was a bunch of different answers, confusion, and felt like she didn't know anything about raising her daughter.

I keep that in mind. I look at what milestones DS should be hitting, but I don't obsess over them. Other than that, I don't google much. I, too, started to worry about sleep because people kept telling me how bad it was DS hardly napped during the day. I felt like it was just his nature, he functions well on the sleep he gets, and according to MIL, DH was the exact same way. Finally, I brought it up to the doctor and he told me I had nothing to worry about and when he said, "you can't make a baby sleep," that really put it in perspective for me. It was so simple. Of course I couldn't make him sleep. So why did I let people make me feel like I could, I should, and that somehow it was my fault DS didn't nap? Like I was depriving him of the naps he needed somehow? I totally let it go after that and am back to going on just my instinct.

People can be so judgemental of babies and their mothers and as a FTM, it can be easy to assume that other people know more than we do. But give yourself some credit! Your baby didn't read a book before birth. Do what feels right. I think altering your expectations is a great place to start. When your expectations are too high, all it does is make baby and mama frustrated!

BR · September 2012

That is very true. I have been so worried that DD hasn't rolled yet because a Bump email I got a few weeks ago said she should be and also because most babies on here seem to be rolling. But, I am trying hard to realize all babies are different and she might need more time than others. I don't want to waste the time I have with her worrying or miss out on the other fun things she is learning to do. I agree with you that while it's great to have so much information, it can also be a curse. I do appreciate the insight from the ladies on this board.

stepper1725 · September 2012

victoriawaimon:

I need to remember that, although information is just a Google search away, sometimes I just have to accept that there might not be a magic solution to sleeping through the night (which is what I am ever so patiently waiting for!). I have a 100% healthy baby, and I need to never take that for granted.

This! Thank you for posting. I need to remember to be appreciative for all of the wonderful things, especially having a happy healthy daughter, instead of complaining about the negatives. I'm also waiting for her to STTN, but my lack of sleep during this first year is really inconsequential in the grand scheme of things.

jamiah18 · September 2012

Love the line about "dumber people than us raising kids". So true!

Great post:)

strawberrytree · September 2012

So true! Thank you for this. We're not doing any kind of sleep training and whenever I start to doubt myself, hearing other moms talk about which technique they're using, I need to remember to not overthink things. Like you said, people have successfully raised babies for thousands of years before experts came out with sleep training techniques, so I can do it too.