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Why do I do these things to myself?

SigmundsGirlSigmundsGirl
in Secondary IF

I think the Clomid is getting to me and I am starting to panic a little about TTC after my m/c and the fact that I'll be 38 in a little over a month. So I decided that it would be a good idea to go lurk on TTC After a Loss and PG After a Loss. HUGE mistake!

I was bawling like a baby reading some of those ladies intros and just seeing tickers where many of them had lost a baby at 19 weeks, 26 weeks, and even 41 weeks. This has me more freaked out than before. I thought losing a baby at 9 weeks was emotional. I think I'd have to take some serious time off work if I lost a baby that far along.

We struggled with IF when trying to conceive DS, then everything was textbook perfect. I thought the same would be true this time around, but I was sadly mistaken. DH and I have given ourselves until the end of the year, so I don't want to wait, but I am getting a wee bit anxious.

I think I am just going to stay off those boards and try to focus on the protocol we are following and our DS.

Any other suggestions?

Dx: PCOS and short luteal phase
18 cycles (3 with our RE) - Metformin + Clomid + HCG booster did the trick!
BFP #1 6/22/09 EDD: 3/2/10 DS born: 3/8/10

TTC #2 since Dec 2011
BFP #2 7/8/12 EDD: 3/18/12 M/C @ 9w1d: 8/16/12

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Re: Why do I do these things to myself?

  • 74dragonfly74dragonfly member
    They freak me out too. But people that have late losses are rare. All we can do is focus one day at a time and follow Dr advice.




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  • gault530gault530 member
    Clomid made me crazy and really emotional from day two of taking it until two days after I stopped. It could be the boards to bug the clomid doesn't help.
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  • SigmundsGirlSigmundsGirl
    Yeah, I stopped my Clomid 2 days ago. Maybe it is just fear that I am blaming on the Clomid.
    You ladies are right. There are horrible things that can happen, but they are the exceptions. I can't let this fear stop us from trying for another baby. I have to put my faith in God.

    Dx: PCOS and short luteal phase
    18 cycles (3 with our RE) - Metformin + Clomid + HCG booster did the trick!
    BFP #1 6/22/09 EDD: 3/2/10 DS born: 3/8/10

    TTC #2 since Dec 2011
    BFP #2 7/8/12 EDD: 3/18/12 M/C @ 9w1d: 8/16/12

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  • Lauren79Lauren79 member

    I understand all of these fears.  I can't even go on the loss boards.  Everyday when I come home from work, I ask DH "I am pregnant right?"  I am terrified that something bad will happen again.  I am making myself crazy and even took a pregnancy test again yesterday.  I am acting like a crazy person.  I want to enjoy being pregnant.  Maybe my loss is still so fresh as is yours. 

    Hang in there...I know it's hard.  xo

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    Pregnant with Letrazole (Femara) on the first cycle with DD after TTC 2+ years
    TTC#2 with Letrazole (Femara) since January 2012
    BFP 06.29.12 EDD 03.11.13 natural m/c 07.13.12
    BFP 09.22.12 EDD 05.31.13 natural m/c 10.07.12
    CP 11.09.12
    BFP 01.01.13 EDD 09.15.13 d&c 01.24.13

    BFP 03.26.13 EDD 12.04.13
     

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  • jtorgersenjtorgersen member
    Even without IF I struggled with worries when I was pregnant with DD...because i personally knew 3 ladies who lost a baby full term. Now that it took so long to get my BFP for this one, I think I have even more worries that something bad will happen...3 ladies on my Birth month board lost their babies at 18+ weeks or more that I did read their posts and worried more...I since have to stay away from those boards and remind myself that this life is not in my control...and of course I do lots of praying for this LO...
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  • SigmundsGirlSigmundsGirl
    imageLauren79:

    I understand all of these fears.  I can't even go on the loss boards.  Everyday when I come home from work, I ask DH "I am pregnant right?"  I am terrified that something bad will happen again.  I am making myself crazy and even took a pregnancy test again yesterday.  I am acting like a crazy person.  I want to enjoy being pregnant.  Maybe my loss is still so fresh as is yours. 

    Hang in there...I know it's hard.  xo

    I think I would be the same way - especially early on. I'm not sure when it gets easier, but I hope you are able to start enjoying your pregnancy soon.

    Dx: PCOS and short luteal phase
    18 cycles (3 with our RE) - Metformin + Clomid + HCG booster did the trick!
    BFP #1 6/22/09 EDD: 3/2/10 DS born: 3/8/10

    TTC #2 since Dec 2011
    BFP #2 7/8/12 EDD: 3/18/12 M/C @ 9w1d: 8/16/12

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  • SigmundsGirlSigmundsGirl
    imagejtorgersen:
    Even without IF I struggled with worries when I was pregnant with DD...because i personally knew 3 ladies who lost a baby full term. Now that it took so long to get my BFP for this one, I think I have even more worries that something bad will happen...3 ladies on my Birth month board lost their babies at 18+ weeks or more that I did read their posts and worried more...I since have to stay away from those boards and remind myself that this life is not in my control...and of course I do lots of praying for this LO...
    It is so scary to think about what can go wrong. And when you look at a board that is for people who have suffered through these horrible things it makes it seem like late term losses are more common than they are. Learning that we are not in control is a hard lesson to learn. I hope you enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and that you have a healthy & happy little one home with you soon.

    Dx: PCOS and short luteal phase
    18 cycles (3 with our RE) - Metformin + Clomid + HCG booster did the trick!
    BFP #1 6/22/09 EDD: 3/2/10 DS born: 3/8/10

    TTC #2 since Dec 2011
    BFP #2 7/8/12 EDD: 3/18/12 M/C @ 9w1d: 8/16/12

    Report Reply
  • Hnysckl426Hnysckl426
    Clomid made me crazy and have CRAZY thoughts the entire cycle when I was using it. It really could be partly because of that but I do agree things like that freak me out as well (even non-med cycles!). I think sometimes when we read on the message boards it seems like these things are more common, which I don't think is necessarily the case it is just a place where they are brought up more because this is the platform to discuss them and get support. Does that make sense? I would stop reading :)
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  • Hnysckl426Hnysckl426
    Clomid made me crazy and have CRAZY thoughts the entire cycle when I was using it. It really could be partly because of that but I do agree things like that freak me out as well (even non-med cycles!). I think sometimes when we read on the message boards it seems like these things are more common, which I don't think is necessarily the case it is just a place where they are brought up more because this is the platform to discuss them and get support. Does that make sense? I would stop reading :)
    Lilypie Fourth Birthday tickers
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