- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Working Moms
NicoleWI
member
Nanny & Spanking!?
NicoleWI
member
in Working Moms
This isn't supposed to be a debate about spanking. The fact is that In my house, we are trying not to spank.OK, read on...
DD started making comments about "spanking" and I couldn't figure out where she'd even ever heard the term. Last night, I got a little more info out of her. She's 3.5 and totally unreliable as a witness, but sounds like nanny has spanked her own kid (who is 2) while at our house, and has possibly spanked MY 1.5 year old one time when he dug in the dirt in the ficus tree in the dining room. WTF?????? I had DD demo on me and it was like a little slap on the butt, but I don't want that going on at all!!! I have a feeling it was a one-time thing, but not good...and I also don't want her spanking HER kid at my house in front of my kids. I don't think it's a big dramatic spanking routine, but rather just a slap, but I still don't like it. At all. Also, when I tried to question DD further, she clammed up and said, "we shouldn't talk about that." I asked "who said we shouldn't," and she replied with "Nanny." REALLY don't like that.
We plan to make a child care change in November/early Dec anyway and I need to talk to Nanny about that within the next couple of weeks. Given that, would you still bring up this issue? And how? WTF????
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Nanny & Spanking!?
This. And that last bit about your daughter clamming up about nanny getting mad at her for talking about it would make me incredibly uncomfortable.
ALL of this. What else could be happening and she is teach ing your LO not to tell you? Hell to the NO I would address that right away!
I would inquire with the nanny first.
3.5 year olds are, as you yourself said, not great witnesses. They also want to say what they think you want to hear. Definitely bring it up with your nanny, but I'd hesitate to fire her on the spot without hearing her side of it.
If you're planning a change anyways, I would try to move it up.
I second all the other posts about moving the date up for a new child care provider, but PLEASE make sure to talk to your LO, about statements like "we don't talk about that" or anything that would ever be considered a secret from mommy.
There should never ever be a secret from mommy and daddy or something that we don't talk about with mommy and daddy. Surprises are one thing, but mommy and daddy should know everything.
She would be gone and reported.
It sounds like it is very possible that your children are being exposed to spanking and possibly even spanked themselves. That is not the nanny's place. Even more disturbing is that your daughter clammed up and said she shouldn't talk about it. That makes me think the nanny has physically disciplined and has then told the children not to talk about it. Probably because she knows she shouldn't. I would be livid that she is manipulating the children in that way.
Spanking is a big concern if you never consented to such a thing. We don't spank and I would immediately fire any nanny who did, since we put that in our contract with our nannies that no physical discpline of any kind is allowed.
I would also be concerned that it sounds like she asked your child to keep a secret from you. NO one should be asking children to keep a secret from their parents (clearly unless like a present, etc. different circumstance entirely) people who would think it is ok for children to lie and with hold information would scare me more. Bring it up for sure!
FWIW, I have a 3.5 year old who is a liar liar pants on fire. That being said, I would believe her (until proven otherwise) and talk with the nanny. I wouldn't just fire her without speaking with her first, particularly if she has always been a good nanny to your family.
If she does spank and she has spanked your 1.5 year old without your permission you can fire her right on the spot OR you could be sensible and tell her that you don't want that done in your home to your children- HOWEVER, you cannot tell her how to discipline her own children. You should ask her to remove herself and her child from the room if she is intent on spanking them in the presence of your children, I think that would be fair, that's assuming you want to keep her around.
If you find out that your child was in fact truthful that's another issue you need to address with the nanny the "we shouldn't talk about that"- again it is not likely that the nanny told her not to tell particularly if the nanny didn't know you were against spanking. If she did know you were against and told her not to, then yes that I would think would be grounds for immediate dismissal.
If your child lied about the nanny telling her to be quiet then you need to find a way to express to your daughter that she shouldn't lie.
And reporting her is excessive IMHO. We have spanked our DD- we never hit in anger and we never hit to harm. Reporting a person for spanking is a little ridiculous, spanking =/= abuse.
Spanking by someone who shouldn't spank is absolutely abuse. A parent who spanks while in control is on thing. A nanny who spanks, then who asks the kids to lie about it is abusive and needs to be fired and reported.
I would find another provider if I were you. It doesn't sound like you and the Nanny have the same discipline philosophy, which would be okay if she didn't have her own kids with her. However, since she is bringing her own children, I think it would be beneficial to you both for both you and the nanny to have a similiar philosophy on punishment/discipline. She should be able to spank her own kids, just as you should be able to say you don't want yours spanked.
I would ask her if she spanked your children before and make the rules in your home clearly stated, whether you intend to keep her as an employee or not. Personally, an adult telling my child to keep a secret would be a huge red flag for me and I would probably find a new provider based solely on that. That just screams that something is wrong to me.
This was going to be my post. I spat my almost 1yr old when she is being intentionally defiant (only hard enough to hurt her feelings) but if I hired a nanny, I would expect her to at least talk to me about how I expect her to discipline my child before she starts spanking. Honestly, it sounds like she might have some temper issues if she is spanking a 1.5yr old for playing in dirt.
after anovulatory diagnosis and TTC for 1 1/2yrs with several medicated cycles and one chemical pregnancy, we have our first bundle of joy!
IT'S A GIRL!
#2 EDD 2/5/13 dx with anti-BIG E antibody, seeing a MFM
I don't take one single minute for granted.
WTF? Your daughter is 11 months old! No one with any knowledge of child development would advocate physical correction of a baby. And why would you want to hurt a baby's feelings? This whole post just leaves me feeling sick.
OP, I'd fire her immediately. It isn't just about the spanking, although it's incredibly inappropriate. The "don't tell Mommy" part of it sounds eerily like what child sex offenders say to keep kids quiet. I'm not suggesting at all that your nanny would ever harm your child in that way, but any adult knows better than to tell a 3 year old to lie to her mother about something physical. She would not be returning to my home.
BFP #1 9/7/10, EDD 5/14/11, Violet born 5/27/11.
BFP #2 4/9/12, EDD 12/16/12, M/C Rory 4/24/12.
BFP #3 10/6/12, EDD 6/16/12., Matilda born 6/17/13.