XP - You know who's really mad?

tdmklm · October 2012

Me. You know why? Because the immigration system in this country is a joke. Seriously - have you ever looked into what it takes to get a green card in this country? Please take, oh, six hours or so to read through the fine print. It looks bad enough, right? You know what they don't tell you? That even if you follow every rule to a T, they can still deny you for a completely bogus reason (i.e., saying that an applicant who clearly doesn't meet the minimum requirements for the position is qualified, even when the DOL itself certified the minimum qualifications for the position and said applicant does not have the minimum qualifications.) What's that you say, immigration lawyer we hired? The DOL now has a quota of nos they have to fill, so you can get denied regardless of whether you should qualify based on the merits of your petition? Yeah, that sounds fair. *snort*

What makes me even madder is that I'm married to a U.S. citizen. I shouldn't even be going through this green-card-through-employment bull. Burn in hell, DOMA.

I'll be honest: I used to judge people who were here illegally rather harshly. However, once I learned - first by listening to others' stories and then through my own experience - there's virtually NO WAY of being here legally, I'm starting to rethink my position. What should I do? Move to a country where K can't work? Whose language she doesn't speak? Make her leave her whole family behind, including her 81-year-old mother? Raise J away from all of his family? (I have no family in Brazil anymore except for aunts, uncles, and cousins I'm not really close to. My dad died in 2006, and my grandparents are all gone as well.) Not to mention the fact that Brazil has the greatest number of violent crimes against homosexuals in the world. Yeah, sounds like a great place for us. Should we go to a third country where we know no one at all? Should we sell the home we love, and our condo? Should K leave her tenured position? Should I leave a career I love and in which I help people every day? Should I raise my son away from HIS country?

I could, of course, divorce K and marry an unsuspecting male. *snort* I'd get a conditional green card immediately, and a permanent one in two years.

This is entirely ridiculous.

Kershnic · October 2012

I am so sorry that you have to go through this. {{{{{{{{{T}}}}}}}}}}} It's completely and utterly ridiculous and unfair. I wish I knew some magical way to help you on either front, but I know a bit about the system and know that you're completely right about all the barriers. I can only imagine the stress this puts on you, your marriage, and of course in turn J.

Is there any further appeals process for proving that another applicant is in fact not qualified? I want to ask whether you would stay illegally, but I doubt that's something you should be discussing on a public message board. You guys don't have any gay male friends for sham marriages? (Don't worry, I know it's not actually that easy.) Feel free to vent anytime.

tdmklm · October 2012

Kershnic:
I am so sorry that you have to go through this. {{{{{{{{{T}}}}}}}}}}} It's completely and utterly ridiculous and unfair. I wish I knew some magical way to help you on either front, but I know a bit about the system and know that you're completely right about all the barriers. I can only imagine the stress this puts on you, your marriage, and of course in turn J.
Is there any further appeals process for proving that another applicant is in fact not qualified? I want to ask whether you would stay illegally, but I doubt that's something you should be discussing on a public message board. You guys don't have any gay male friends for sham marriages? (Don't worry, I know it's not actually that easy.) Feel free to vent anytime.

Thanks. Yeah, this whole thing is really stressful. There's one level of appeal, but the lawyer said our chances are "reasonably good, but not excellent" even though we have "a strong legal argument". Apparently, with immigration, having a strong legal case doesn't mean much.

AARRRGHHH

2brides · October 2012

It really is assnine. I am so sorry.

A very close (gay) male friend and his Brazillian partner went into an arranged sham marriage a few years ago with a lesbian US/Brazilian lesbian couple in order to get his partner to stay legally. I was so nervous for them, but it has been a few years and they are now legally divorced. It is ridiculous, that they had to do that in order for his partner (who has lived in the US for 10y and owns a business had to do this.)

*hugs*

clairmeij · October 2012

I am so sorry!

ball.and.chain · October 2012

Kershnic:

I am so sorry that you have to go through this. {{{{{{{{{T}}}}}}}}}}} It's completely and utterly ridiculous and unfair. I wish I knew some magical way to help you on either front, but I know a bit about the system and know that you're completely right about all the barriers. I can only imagine the stress this puts on you, your marriage, and of course in turn J.

All of this, T. I've watched a friend go through this madness and it makes me so crazy. I'm sorry.

leapgirl8 · October 2012

I'm sorry. I think that 99% of the U.S. population has no idea how our immigration laws work or how hard it is for people who would make great Americans to move here. Also, I think that most people don't understand that Montana, Wyoming and North Dakota are pretty much empty and they are welcome to move there any time if they feel things are getting a bit too crowded

madisonpeas · October 2012

I'm so sorry. The venting booth remains open. I wish there was something we could all do. In the mean time - vent away. I'll put on my big ears.

clairmeij · October 2012

I was really surprised, going through the US Immigration process, at how difficult and oftentimes pedantic it is.

I hope that something works out for you.

ctbride08 · October 2012

this country is so f-ed up. I'm so sorry T

hlke · October 2012

I'm so sorry T. The whole system is so messed up on so many levels - the difficulty of getting a green card as a professional, DOMA, the ridiculous zillion disparate paths to a green card, how little the immigration debate in this country has to do with actual people's lives or facts. (Anchor babies my ass...J can't sponsor you until he's 21 and THEN you can get on the WAITING LIST for a green card)

I've had some experience with this in my family and it just sucks. The uncertainty is the worst part. *hugs*

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