Vent-Joint Baby Shower

Ready4theParty · October 2012

My cousin announced last week that she is expecting #2 in May. It's tradition to throw a shower for the mom to be on that side of the family. It's also only given for the first pregnancy. The family is huge, so it's a big event. Today my little cousin (cousin's sister) emailed me and asked if I would consider having a joint shower with Cousin because "Cousin was generous and gave away all her baby stuff" after she had the first LO. I'm appalled that this was considered. The shower is sometime in early Feb, and our due dates are about six weeks apart. The email was also sent to several of my aunts and my mom. I'm not expecting this to fly, I just think it's tacky.

keyourtnee · October 2012

Oh hell no. I would be pretty annoyed. Who would be planning your shower? Maybe you should leave it up to them to respond for you? I'm not sure how I would handle this situation. Good Luck!

Dresch25 · October 2012

Wow, no fricken way.

Ready4theParty · October 2012

keyourtnee:
Oh hell no. I would be pretty annoyed. Who would be planning your shower? Maybe you should leave it up to them to respond for you? I'm not sure how I would handle this situation. Good Luck!

The shower is thrown by my grandma and the oldest daughter(aunt). Neither were CC'd on the email. I don't plan to respond, but may forward the email to Grandma or Aunt if the issue keeps getting pushed.

blueandgray · October 2012

Eh, a big joint shower with the same family members totally makes sense from my viewpoint. Are you mad that you have to share the day? That just makes you look kind of whiny/bratty, particularly for the family members that then would have to spend the time & money to plan 2 showers.

However, I think its even MORE tacky that your cousin wants a second baby shower (if it was even her idea, it might not be and little cousin might not know any better). But I don't think its your place to poo poo that idea or you will come across super selfish - her mom/family throwing it needs to say no. Since that probably won't happen, I'd be prepared to share the day and be gracious that you are being showered at all.

Monsieur_et_Madame_Ha · October 2012

I may be in the minority here, but I think it's sweet of your cousin's little sister to want to throw her big sister a shower. With this said, I wouldn't like the idea of a joint shower either. Call me greedy, petty, or whatever, but I would want my shower to be, well, about MY baby. Especially if it were my first.

Maybe you could tell your little cousin something along the lines of "I think it's great that you want to throw your sister a shower. However, I'd really rather celebrate my firstborn on their own." You can even preface your answer with "call me a crazy first-time mom" or something like that to lighten the tone of your email (or of the conversation if you choose to call her). Then maybe you could suggest having your shower a bit early so that the two showers aren't so close together.

brunstar · October 2012

I would not appreciate this, either. Especially since this is her second kid. Of course I don't have a close relatinoship with my extended family so the thought of sharing the day with one of my cousins would not work for me regardless.

Without knowing specifics about the cousin and her pregnancy, I can't help but wonder why she gave everything away to being with?

brunstar · October 2012

Monsieur_et_Madame_Ha:
I may be in the minority here, but I think it's sweet of your cousin's little sister to want to throw her big sister a shower. With this said, I wouldn't like the idea of a joint shower either. Call me greedy, petty, or whatever, but I would want my shower to be, well, about MY baby. Especially if it were my first.>

And ditto this!

NativeFloridian · October 2012

That's way tacky. I get that some people do second showers (my family and friends are aghast that I didn't let them throw me a shower for DD2 and won't for LO3), but a joint shower? Oh hell to the no.

Jen727BF · October 2012

I wouldn't like this either! Especially with your first.

Dunkin · October 2012

That really rubs me the wrong way - your shower should be about you and your baby... If it was your cousin's first as well, then I could see that side of the family wanting to throw 1 shower for both of you at the same time, but come on! As the cousin having their second, I would be mortified if someone suggested this.

Ready4theParty · October 2012

blueandgray:

Eh, a big joint shower with the same family members totally makes sense from my viewpoint. Are you mad that you have to share the day? That just makes you look kind of whiny/bratty, particularly for the family members that then would have to spend the time & money to plan 2 showers.

I'm not mad that I have to share the day. My cousin and I had a falling out a few years ago so we aren't particularly close. My cousin and little cousin have two more sisters in their family who have multiple children but only had the one shower. I'm mad because I feel like my little cousin is taking advantage of the fact that I'm pregnant and going to have the big family shower.

JennaOs · October 2012

Monsieur_et_Madame_Ha:

Maybe you could tell your little cousin something along the lines of "I think it's great that you want to throw your sister a shower. However, I'd really rather celebrate my firstborn on their own." You can even preface your answer with "call me a crazy first-time mom" or something like that to lighten the tone of your email (or of the conversation if you choose to call her). Then maybe you could suggest having your shower a bit early so that the two showers aren't so close together.

Agree with this!

WorkinWeezel · October 2012

My cousin has a 5 yr old from a previous relationship and is now pregnant with her second with her fianc?. Her sis is throwing her a shower because her first is already 5, and this is her fiance's first. While I don't like the idea of a full-fledged shower for her (ESP when she never, ever brings gifts for anyone' s anything- shower, birthday, wedding) I get why they are doing it. I'm not attending.

just because you share family doesn't mean that either of you will want to share the day.

kara1204 · October 2012

Ready4theParty:
blueandgray:

Eh, a big joint shower with the same family members totally makes sense from my viewpoint. Are you mad that you have to share the day? That just makes you look kind of whiny/bratty, particularly for the family members that then would have to spend the time & money to plan 2 showers.

I'm not mad that I have to share the day. My cousin and I had a falling out a few years ago so we aren't particularly close. My cousin and little cousin have two more sisters in their family who have multiple children but only had the one shower. I'm mad because I feel like my little cousin is taking advantage of the fact that I'm pregnant and going to have the big family shower.

If you are not even close to her I'd ignore it and if they press the issue use the tactics a prior poster said and politely decline. Total BS that you were asked if you ask me. As an expecting 2nd time mom, if this were suggested with one of my cousins first baby shower I would refuse it.

lifesadance · October 2012

I would talk to my mom and have mom be the one to poo-poo the idea.

tondraluv · October 2012

NativeFloridian:
That's way tacky. nbsp;I get that some people do second showers my family and friends are aghast that I didn't let them throw me a shower for DD2 and won't for LO3, but a jointnbsp;shower? nbsp;Oh hell to the no.

I agree 100 percet

tondraluv · October 2012

NativeFloridian:
That's way tacky. nbsp;I get that some people do second showers my family and friends are aghast that I didn't let them throw me a shower for DD2 and won't for LO3, but a jointnbsp;shower? nbsp;Oh hell to the no.

I agree 100 percent

Ready4theParty · October 2012

Thanks ladies! I'm waiting for my mom to get off work to see what she thinks of all this. Little Cousin said Cousin loved the idea of having a joint shower. I will politely decline the offer, but I am going to wait a few days/weeks before doing so. It's common knowledge to the extended family that Cousin and I don't get along. It's a very sticky situation. I'm hoping one of the other aunts steps in so it doesn't look like our falling out is the main reason I don't want a joint shower.

jkjjess627 · October 2012

I actually just had the same thing happen to me this week, one of my co-workers told us she was expecting #3 and is due the same day as me. One of the other girls mentioned having a joint shower well my sister also works with me and I made it clear to her that if they are planning on making it a joint shower then I don't want one at all.

SammieLou88 · October 2012

I feel like this would put the guests in an awkward position. What if they don't feel it's appropriate to give her a gift for her 2nd child, but want to give you one for your first? Do they show up with just a gift for you and look like a$$holes for not bringing her one? Or are they guilted into buying a gift that they don't feel comfortable with?? I would definitely decline.

mypalbabs · October 2012

I'll bet 20 internets that "big cousin" put "little cousin" up to this.

I call shenanigans.

sbonnie · October 2012

I'd politely decline if you don't love the idea. I think that the majority of people would understand.

I can also appreciate why you don't love the idea. For our first, I don't think I'd be too keen on sharing a shower... it's not your issue she gave her stuff away.

Good luck!

kimmarie1105 · October 2012

She had a shower for her first. All to herself I assume? You deserve to have your own baby shower as well. I can see MAYBE if it was her first, you guys were close and due dates were close. But even then, I think no. What about your friends that aren't her fiends and vice versa with the gift giving. Lame. Just say no.

BartonBaby · October 2012

brunstar:
Monsieur_et_Madame_Ha:

I may be in the minority here, but I think it's sweet of your cousin's little sister to want to throw her big sister a shower. With this said, I wouldn't like the idea of a joint shower either. Call me greedy, petty, or whatever, but I would want my shower to be, well, about MY baby. Especially if it were my first.>
And ditto this!

YUP! i'd want it to be MY day about MY first baby... this is you day to experiance for the first time. she had her day all to her self the first time if they want to throw her one thats fine i'm not against baby showers for second babies but this is your first shower should be about you and your baby.

JSS1002 · October 2012

SHe put you in a very unfair position.

Of course you don't want to share your shower - especially with somebody whom you've had a falling out with -- but having to say so makes you look selfish.

I would also ask your mom to intervene - that's what I'd do -- they're good at that. :-)

Monsieur_et_Madame_Ha · October 2012

lifesadance:
I would talk to my mom and have mom be the one to poo-poo the idea.

YES!

JackJohnsonGrl · October 2012

That is soooo tacky!!! Why on earth would they think anyone would be ok with that?

Enigma11 · October 2012

I would not go for it. They cannot expect not only a second shower for her but for your guests to bring two gifts! I would talk to whomever is throwing your shower, tell them how you feel and let them respond.

MechanicMama1 · October 2012

Monsieur_et_Madame_Ha:
lifesadance:
I would talk to my mom and have mom be the one to poo-poo the idea.
YES!

i vote for this too!

MechanicMama1 · October 2012

Monsieur_et_Madame_Ha:
lifesadance:
I would talk to my mom and have mom be the one to poo-poo the idea.
YES!

i vote for this too!

xxswebbxx · October 2012

NO. This is your first child. You should not have to share your shower with her so she can have a second one.

UberBiz · October 2012

I think I'm in agreement with most of the ladies in saying "NO" to a joint shower. That's just weird. But depending on the circumstances, I think 2nd showers are ok. It's been 7yrs since I had my DD, and I have NOTHING from when she was a baby, so if someone wanted to throw me another shower, I'd be all for it!