How do you handle LO comparisons?

stangetz · October 2012

What do you say when people start in with LO comparisons? For example, we know a few people who ALWAYS turn everything our LOs do into a contest. "Oh, she's not walking yet? Well my LO walked at X months." or "My LO had 8 trillion words by age X, how many does your LO have?" We run into these people at social gatherings a few times a year (so not by choice), and the conversations ALWAYS seem to start with them innocently enough asking questions about how our LO is doing, and then it quickly turns into a comparison of how much earlier/better/faster/etc their LO is at something. I know there will always be people like this, but has anyone had success saying something that got others to stop turning everything into a competition? It just gets really tiring.

Teresa1896 · October 2012

I try not to be snarky, but it's hard. Usually I just say, "DD is perfect just the way she is" and change the subject. I hear constant comments about her being "small" or the "size of a 6-month old," all the time. I try to brush them off but they still sting. :-(

Lauren79 · October 2012

I refuse to do it. My husbands business partner's wife had a baby 2 weeks after DD was born. She is constantly comparing the 2. I keep quiet. There are plenty on things I could say but I refuse to do it. Unlike her I know all babies develop differently. It is frustrating but I know it comes from her insecurities.

dairygirl19 · October 2012

"Well that's nice!"

With people like this, the more you yap, the more they yap back so I keep it short and sweet.

Timshel17 · October 2012

dairygirl19:
"Well that's nice!"
With people like this, the more you yap, the more they yap back so I keep it short and sweet.

This, smile and nod, or "Oh." I agree, the more you talk the more comebacks these type of people have. Like that SNL sketch with Kristen Wiig, "Penelope."

Mommy2CB · October 2012

I'm going to take some of your suggestions I HATE the comparisons. I try not to let it bother me but it definitely hurts from time to time.

lucylea · October 2012

I have a cousin who had a baby one day before DD and his wife was always trying to compare (his dad was even worse). I always just said every baby develops in their own time. Now at 4.5 the things that their LO was early on aren't even noticeable (mostly motor skills). DD has always been advanced in her vocabulary, but we still don't compare her to others. Its not necessary in my book. I agree with a PP that the less you say the better off you are.

With DS we just always get the comparison about how small he is. I like my mom's line for "defending" me, "dynamite comes in small package so watch out!".

swimiz500 · October 2012

dairygirl19:
"Well that's nice!"

With people like this, the more you yap, the more they yap back so I keep it short and sweet.

Yes this! I feel so uncomfortable when people make comparisons. Either I will feel bad because LO isn't doing whatever it is, or I won't want to seem braggy if she is doing whatever it is. It frustrates me so much when people try to one-up like that, I feel your pain. I usually just say "good for him/her" and drop it.

I do know some people who will not let it drop (i.e. "what do you MEAN she isn't walking? She should be walking by now"), I just say "she is fine" and make it very clear that I am not willing to play their little games.

jlsimon56 · October 2012

I just turn it around so they're talking about their own LO. People love to talk about their kids. I let them! I ask questions, ask to hear stories, etc. It makes it less about my LO and her delays, and moreso about the other people's LOs.

lisamoe · October 2012

I would let this bother me in the past, my SIL was/is queen of comparisons (my son and her son are 8 months apart-huge in baby time).

Obviously, her son is an over-achiever and mine is working on "catching up"....Ughhhh...I now take it with a grain of salt and don't let it get to me. My DS is perfect to me, and will do things at his own pace.

I do make sure I don't do as my SIL does. I never compare DS to any other kids or act that way to other Mom's.

I wouldn't let it bother you. People are really ignorant sometimes.

thetwinkies&Vivi · October 2012

We don't get that many comparisons because DD is generally ahead with milestones and doesn't spend too much time around other kids her age but when we do I usually just offer up a "oh,really.thats interesting."

damabo80 · October 2012

I take comfort in the fact that DD is 1,000x cuter than their kid. And she does Gene Simmons impressions on command.

She may not be speaking ANY words yet, not walking, not blowing kisses, etc. but there's such a wide range of "normal".

We already did the EI thing before. It's not this big scary thing that people who haven't gone through it think that it is.

lucylea · October 2012

damabo80:
I take comfort in the fact that DD is 1,000x cuter than their kid.

BEST RESPONSE EVER!!!!!

Epiphany27 · October 2012

"It's probably from all the alcohol I drank and all the pot I smoked when I was pregnant"

AmandaP678 · October 2012

damabo80:
I take comfort in the fact that DD is 1,000x cuter than their kid. And she does Gene Simmons impressions on command.
She may not be speaking ANY words yet, not walking, not blowing kisses, etc. but there's such a wide range of "normal".
We already did the EI thing before. It's not this big scary thing that people who haven't gone through it think that it is.

I agree with EI, that didnt bother me in the least; but I'm not going to lie, I wanted to cry when I signed the IEP.

germanpickle · October 2012

I don't like this type of behavior either, especially since PJ is usually ahead of whatever curve somebody thought of and behind in other curves that somebody else thought of. Instead I just listen and smile and nod, "oh, how nice."

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