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Toddlers: 12 - 24 Months
magpiebride61210
member
boys with long hair
magpiebride61210
member
Hi ladies! It's been a while (again) since I was last on here. Running a business from home and a 14 month old who is NON STOP keeps me from bathing on a daily basis let alone sit down to enjoy some bump time.
Anyway, I'm wondering if any boys out there have long hair? Or if any mama's plan on letting their boys hair grow for a while to what would be considered "long". It's something we do in my family. My brother didn't get his first haircut until he was 3, and my cousins went until they were 2 (but their hair was terribly long and grew super fast). My Dad was a bit of a flower child/surfer and didn't outgrow his love for long hair until the late 80's 
So when the kids were growing up it just made sense for them to look like their Dads. It started as a joke I think, but then turned into this little family thing.
LO is 14 months old and his strawberry blonde hair is hanging just below his ears. His "bangs" are always in his face, so I stick a hair clip in them to hold them back when he's playing. Eventually it'll be long enough to fall naturally to the side and he won't need the clip. I completely understand that in public people are inclined to say what a pretty girl I have even though he's in boy clothes. It doesn't bother me, and I just say "he's a handsome boy isn't he? Thank you!" They look confused and walk away, no big deal, not affected.
But my husband (who understandably does not come from a family of crazy hippies) is less than thrilled. He's got no problem with letting LO's hair grow out, and actually he rather likes it. But the hair clip bothers him. He will take it out when he's out with LO. I let it go, but in reality it bothers me that he takes the clip out in public. I don't want to teach my son to be ashamed of himself, or his looks. And by making him feel like this is something we need to hide from everyone else, we'd be doing just that.
Making this post even longer... my in laws are coming for a visit this weekend from out of town and DH has already told me we can't have the hair clip in when they are here or his dad will make fun of LO. Yes that's right, my father in law would in fact poke fun at the baby. A baby who will not really understand what he's saying. But but taking this step, and allowing this "hide the clip because it's girly and grandpa will say mean things" nonsense to take place, I'm afraid I'd be allowing my in laws to cross a line there isn't any going back from. I have a feeling I'll keep the hair out of LO's face as per usual, and lay the law down when something is said
So... to those mama's out there with long haired boys, how do you handle the jokes, taunts and opinions (you're not really asking to hear)?
Thanks!
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Re: boys with long hair
My LO hasn't had his hair cut yet. Although the front isn't long enough to get into his eyes yet so we just let leave it as is. I would tell FIL to stop being a jerk if he makes fun of LO. But I'm not the type to let something like that go. My FIL has made comments about LO's weight (which is totally normal) calling him "chubster" or "pudgey" etc. I always say something, even though it hasn't yet completely changed his behavior.
I think it's kind of silly to change your normal day-to-day, or to cut your kids hair?!, simply because a grown man cannot hold his tongue.
FTR - there are many cultural and/or religious reasons why a person chooses to delay cutting their child's hair. Saying to just cut it is dismissive of the OP's choice to follow in her families tradition. Why should she have to forgo a family tradition because FIL is a bully?
Thanks! Yeah actually the cousins in this little story had a mother of Jewish faith and so their long hair was a result of religion and beliefs. And it's typical to not see a Jewish child's hair cut for at least the first 2 years. Again, not really looking for opinions on the matter, rather stories of similar situations and how they've been handled.
But thanks for the opinions! I assume none of you will be shocked to hear that we're told "just cut it already" a lot
Haha, but thanks!
Well said. Your child didn't choose to be a hippie! Yes, people will say things because boys aren't supposed to have hair clips and hair in the eyes is irritating and dangerous to him too.
Thank you for your thoughts. DH is on board with the hair, he likes it actually. DH isn't as good at standing up to his parents in general as I'd like him to be. I know he understands (and he openly admits so) that they are harsh and not the kind of people we want our son to be around very much. But when it comes time to be around them (which is twice a year or so) he isn't able to stand up to them. In reality, it's just one weekend and this issue isn't one that will be a huge deal the rest of the year we don't see them.
Love your picture in your signature! DH is a big Phillies fan too! LO pretty much lived in Phillies t shirts all summer long
Well, I appreciate your stance on the matter, but I wasn't asking for opinions on the subject. Since you brought yours up, I'll explain mine.
1. No child at this age chooses anything in regard to their looks. We impose our preference, bias, and culture on them. Kids with short hair don't ask for hair cuts either. Girls with bobs and big bangs didn't ask for those cuts. So that idea is invalid in my opinion.
2. Why aren't boys supposed to have hair clips?
3. Why aren't boys supposed to have long hair?
(seriously?)
4. In what way does any of this matter? Well... for me it goes like this. I want to raise my son to be the type of person who when he sees someone else who looks or acts differently than he does, who has zero reaction. To say "so what?!". This in my opinion, is where the bully mindset begins. "Boys don't wear hair clips, boys dont have long hair, boys can't like the color pink, boys have to do things the way we say is normal". Those children grow up feeling insecure about any thoughts, feelings or desires they may have that are not fitting into their parents idea of "what's supposed to be". and even if they don't, even if they are a perfect fit for their parents idea of normal, they still have a clear understanding that anything outside of it is not ok. They go into school being biased. So when my kid shows up with long hair (for whatever reason) they are the ones who will say "oooooh look! he's a girl! haha!". I don't want my child to grow up like that. Again, I want my child to take no notice of the boy with long hair, the girl who plays football, the boy who wears a dress, the girl in a sari, or the child who suffers from a disfigurement. I want my child to say "so what?" because what others choose to wear, practice, believe or do has no affect on him. None. Just as his long hair has no affect on anyone else.
But thanks, for your open minded thoughts on the subject.
No, I'm not Jewish. LO has long hair just because I like it and it's something I'm used to. Couples choose to have their sons circumcised just because it's what they're used to, so long hair/short hair... who cares?
And you're probably right, I bet I'm the only one who thinks it looks good. But since I'm his Mother I get to decide. If when he's 3 we ask him if he would like to cut his hair he can do whatever the heck he wants at that point... and if he wants to have a "cool guy" ponytail as my brother used to call it, that'll be just fine.
It doesn't look messy, it looks longer than most but adorable (in my opinion). It's always clean, brushed, and out of his eyes because... wait for it... we use a hair clip! Which is the original reason I posted this. To talk about how others might suggest dealing with an old man who will quite possibly call my son a "sissy". And to your last point, I may actually put a sock in it
Thanks!
you're very right. He doesn't do well with most things that are not "normal". And that's fine, but as an adult human being who loves this child, he needs to learn (and I think even old fogies are fully capable of changing or at least shutting up to better fit our current society.) and accept that he can't say harsh things to his loved ones just because he doesn't like their hair.
This is also the man who poked fun at another of his grandsons (a 12 year old) for a good 45 minutes because he happened to pick up a pink box of candies at our baby shower. Literally... this boy just reached down, picked up the first box of candy he could reach which happened to be pink (because it was a freekin baby shower) and FIL called him "gay" a "sissy" and a "girly girl" all day. He's an ass hole folks.
Please lord don't let my child grow up to be like that.
the clip doesnt bother me at all, i'm the one who puts it in. the clip bothers most everyone else. a sweatband sounds like a fun idea! thanks!
I don't mind little boys with long-ish hair (though mine has had several haircuts because his hair would be crazy otherwise). Removing the hair clip in public has nothing to do with teaching your son to be ashamed of himself or his looks. You're putting a girl's hair accessory in your son's hair.
Personally, I like boys to look like boys. That's why I don't put my son in dresses or hair clips in his hair. I don't think it's out of line for your husband or FIL to not be on board with the hair clip. Keeping his hair long is one thing, but the hair clip is a bit much, IMO.
My LO has rather long hair- just because I can't stand the thought of cutting his curls away forever. But we did get his bangs trimmed over the summer because he kept pushing them out of his eyes and I didn't like how he looked with a hair clip (I don't like how I look with clips on my bangs, either).
I have a feeling that your FIL will probably poke fun of your son's hair whether he has a clip in it or not- just because it's long and "girly" (I get this from my FIL too). So, regardless of the clip issue, either your DH or you is going to have to say something about your FIL's attitude. If DH doesn't want to step up, I would have no issue telling my FIL he can keep his opinions to himself or leave my home. Toddlers cannot be sissies and they don't have a sexual preference (at least not one anyone is aware of).
Good Luck!
Removing the hair clip to better fit the bias/preference/opinion of the majority is without a doubt a method of teaching my son that aspects of his appearance are not ok, and must be hidden. That of course, leads to wondering why he must never wear the clip in public, and all he knows is it's not good, and there is something wrong with it... thus creating insecurity about himself.
And even though I don't think pink or sparkles should be limited to just girls, I'm using a dull brown clip. It's as masculine as I could find thank you very much. And I'm sorry, when did bobby pins or hair clips become just for girls? It's not pink, it serves a function, and it's doing the job. There are a ton of smokin hot men out there who have long hair and pull it back with a hair tie. Are those limited to just girls too? No? Those are fine? So it's the clip that draws the line?
You said you like "boys to look like boys". Well you like boys to look like the standard, American version of boys. I like boys to look like humans.
I'm getting off track. I'm defending my actions and I have no real need to. The whole point is, this post was to look for advice on how to handle a stupid FIL, not to discuss if it's ok for boys to wear hair clips. I apologize for entertaining those related comments. The bigger point is who the hell cares? In what way does my child with long hair and a clip holding back his bangs impact your life? Teach your children how not to be impacted or affected by how others look and you will raise better, more loving, accepting human beings.
On a side note, I'm totally going to design a line of boy hair clips and headbands. Thomas the tank engine, Spiderman... real boy stuff
Why on Earth did you post this? Anyone who says anything other than, "Oh it's great your little one has his hair in his eyes! You're so progressive and open-minded" gets a snide remark from you.
I think little kids, boy or girl, who have hair in their eyes to the point that they can hardly see, look ridiculous.
Do you mean the intent of the post? I posted this whole thing because I was interested to hear how other moms of boys with longer hair deal with stupid remarks by family members. But I was given a lot of opinions on why I should just cut my son's hair. So I posted the above statement to make my opinion clear... since we had started talking about it anyway.
To your points:
1. My son does NOT have hair in his eyes. My son has a hair clip keeping his hair out of his eyes. (thus the real reason for this post, asking for advice on how to deal with comments about the CLIP which is keeping the hair OUT OF HIS EYES)
2. I don't give snide remarks to ladies who say anything other than "you're so awesome". I state my opinion in response to comments that have nothing to do with what I was asking for. But hey, if they're comfortable telling me I'm "stuck in the 60's" I'm comfortable saying how I feel.
3. to be clear, his hair is NOT in his eyes.
You make some good points, and I appreciate them all. I get where you're coming from on many of them. So thank you for your thoughts.
I just want to clear up that I'm not letting his hair grow or forcing him to wear a clip for fun or to start arguments or to take him in public to look like a "cool mom" with a boy with long hair. I'm keeping a family tradition that I both appreciate as a tradition and I happen to like the way young boys look with long hair. That's all.
And to your point that we wear things at home that we don't wear in public. Of course, that's 100% true. We change out of our PJ's and brush our hair and put on socks and shoes because that's polite and makes us presentable. But the reason the clip comes out of his hair (by my husband) is because my husband is embarrassed by it. Not because it's an "at home" article. If this clip, in this kid's hair becomes an "at home" item it's going to be because my husband doesn't want to be seen with a boy wearing a hair clip, out of embarrassment, and that's not something I'm ok with. If our sons came to us and asked to wear pink ballet shoes we'd say fine, of course, go for it. Now I know he's not old enough to ask to wear the hair clip, but he's also not old enough to ask for a hair cut. So in the end who says any of our kids would choose the clothes we put them in or hair cuts we do or don't give them?
You also said "we act differently at home than we do in public". Well ok, that's sort of true. We are better behaved, more professional, polite, and put together in public... but I don't take my nose ring out, put a hat over my pink hair, cover my tattoos or wear completely different styles of clothes to fit in. In my view, removing a functional item from the child's hair whenever we go into public is not ok. We'd be doing it for someone else's benefit (my embarrassed husband or the people who tell me "cut that boys hair already! he looks like a girl!") and I refuse to raise my child to change for anyone else.
LO hates hats, like hates them. I can't keep a freekin hat on him. So I wonder how the bandanna would work... good call though!
And it sounds like your FIL and my FIL should hang out... far, far away from us