Feeling Detached From Your LO...

melly0812 · October 2012

I am not sure if it is just me, but I feel a little detached from my son and I believe the C-section had something to do with it. I was put out completely during the surgery, so when I woke up my son was there. I feel a little silly feeling this way, but it's almost as though I didn't experience anything. A lot of people don't seem to understand and they say that I know he is mine and that he came from me. I am totally aware that I carried him and that he is my son, but I sort of feel robbed from what nature intended for me to experience. I am sorry if I sound silly, but this is how I feel...BTW I am 6 weeks PP hopefully this feeling will subside.

+ASH+ · October 2012

I would mention it to your doctor - it might be a little bit of postpartum depression. It's normal to feel a little detached at times, no matter how you gave birth, but at 6 weeks PP, I would ask a doctor just to make sure.

XCrissCrossX · October 2012

I felt totally detached from LO when he was born and probably didn't really start to feel "connected" until 7-8 weeks (this is also around the time when he started sleeping at night instead of all day- I'm not sure if that's related or not).

I wasn't depressed- I just didn't have any attachment to him. I'm not sure that it had anything to do with the c-section- I imagine I would have felt the same way even if I had pushed him out (I still wouldn't have seen him be born or anything) because the idea of having a baby seemed really abstract to me, even throughout my pregnancy so I didn't really "connect" before birth.

I started noticing that I was forming an attachment when DH and I would go out and leave LO at home with my ILs. I would start to miss him after an hour or so (distance makes the heart grow fonder, right?) and by 3 or 4 months it felt more like we had "bonded."

If you are also feeling overwhelmed, angry, upset, sad, worried, lack motivation to do things... then I would definitely talk to your doctor. And if you are worried about it, it wouldn't hurt to mention it. But some women just take longer to fall in love than others. The fact that newborns really have no personality doesn't really help.

Edit: To this day, I have issues saying that LO was "born"- he wasn't "born," he was surgically removed. I'm sure most people would think I'm silly thinking that, but it's how I feel.

Mrs.DeliaMarieP · October 2012

My DS was between 6 and 8 weeks old before I felt connected to him. It is possible that it was partially due to the trauma of his delivery, but it did eventually come around for me and once he started smiling I was much more connected. But, I also think that it just takes longer for some ftm's. I already feel connected to this little girl, and I think it is because my heart and head have learned how to love someone I haven't really met or gotten to know yet. It can't hurt to mention it to your ob, but I bet the feeling will subside soon, as your little one starts to give back in the form of smiles, squeals, and cooing. Hope you feel better soon.

BritanyV · October 2012

With my first son (vaginal birth) I felt bonded to him immediately. With DS#2, emergency c-section 7 weeks early, it took several months for me to feel the way I felt with DS#1.

I think that sometimes the trauma of having your birthing experience not go the way you expected can cause a delay in the bonding period with your baby.

I will say if you think you are having PPD, please speak with your doctor.

jb2rn · October 2012

I just wanted to offer a hug and some support. I get it. I didn't have general anesthesia, but I felt robbed of the birth experience, especially since my son is most likely our only child.

Do mention it to your doctor, as others have said, but your feelings are NOT abnormal.

sassafras007 · October 2012

I felt like this for a long time with my DD. It was part that she was a preemie and a lot that I felt like she was ripped from me via c/s. You are not alone. If the feeling gets bad talk to the doctor.

Baby Bouchard · October 2012

Normal, but as PP said, mention it to OB so they may offer guidance and support. With my DD I felt detached a bit because of my C too, we had a long labor and by the time she was born via C I was mentally exhausted and didn't feel ready to accept everything. With DS, we got pregnant with him less than 2 weeks after experiencing a loss/D&C so my entire pregnancy I was detached and it took till we were home from the hospital for a few days for me to really bond with him. He was also born via C and we were told he had heart issues at birth, so I was "afraid" to bond, if that makes sense.

Sending you lots of hugs and know all of us are here for you if you need to chat.

melly0812 · October 2012

thank you so much for your loving support. everyday it's getting better...his warm smile is helping the process

Mrs.DeliaMarieP · October 2012

I felt very similarly when I had DS, until somewhere between 6 and 8 weeks. I would definitely mention it to your ob at your follow up if you haven't already had it, but you might just need a bit more time to fall in love with your little guy. I think that is what happened to me, and the csection was just a coincidence. I think my heart just didn't know how yet. This time I already feel more connected to this baby, and I think that is because I know what to expect and basically 'how' to do it.

good luck.

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