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Attachment Parenting
anna7602
member
Anyone here have preschool age kids?
anna7602
member
I haven't been on much lately, so I don't know who is posting regularly and whatnot. I'm having a heart-breaking dilemma with DD (age 4) and am a little tired of people just telling me, "she's 4, she'll get over it." I was hoping folks with an AP perspective would take a more nuanced view.
We moved to a new country in January. DD looooved her school back in the U.S., where she started when she was 2.5 and knew all the kids from the neighborhood already. So, on top of dealing with a new language, she was starting at a school here where she didn't know a single person for the first time. It was rough, but ended up being okay. There was 1 English-speaking teacher she totally bonded with and 2 other little girls who spoke English quite well (although not native speakers).
DD was off for the whole summer and I took the summer off of my own work to hang out with her. We had a lot of fun, but I was worn out and very much in need of me time to work and feel sane by the time summer was over.
School started again and the English-speaking teacher is no longer there. The other two little girls also left the school. For the last 3 weeks straight, DD has complained every day about how terrible school is. She also often says how much she wants to go home (ie, the U.S.)
Now, I don't know how much of this school-aversion is due to the changes in teacher and classmates, or to having been with me all summer, but I am really sad that DD is not happy with school at all. Things are still up in the air regarding whether we're going back to the U.S. in January or June. I am not sure when we will know for sure, but in the meantime, I am trying to figure out what to do about DD's school. The options:
1- pull her entirely (not the best for me since it will force me to do all my work at night if she is home during the day, also I might go crazy, but if we are going back to the U.S. in January, I might be able to deal with this for a short period).
2- switch schools (kind of a process, and seems to make more sense to do so only if we stay until June)
3- something I am not thinking of?
To make this even longer, I already have her involved in activities she really enjoys like ballet and yoga and now an English-language theater class, but I don't know how else to soften the blow of leaving her for 6 hours/day at a place she seems to despise.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Anyone here have preschool age kids?
I live in Italy and DD will be 4 in January. She's bilingual but for various reasons we didn't enroll her in preschool this year. I've got an EMT nanny to watch her while I WFH.
IMO the key aspect of preschool at this age is socialization and listening to a nonparent adult which your DD gets through her activities.
You have the added stressor of the move and a new language. How is she otherwise? Eating and sleeping ok? Generally happy? No regressions or other behavior changes?
If everything else is ok, I would give it another couple weeks and reevaluate. I would also be really positive about school. If that doesn't work, I would start looking around for another option
What just happened in my diaper?!
Sorry she's having a rough go
How much French has she picked up? Honestly I don't think it's a fair comparison to say "she's just 4" given the language and culture difference. The fact that she enjoys other activities suggests that it's not just that she wants to hang out with you at home.
I'd probably look into other options. When will you know how much longer you'll be staying? I don't think formal "school" at 4 is so much important as is the social aspect - so even just having a nanny who could take her places and give you time to work would be good if you can swing it.
You could always just pay for me to come over for a long visit - ha ;-)
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Ncbelle- you're hired!
In all seriousness, thanks for weighing in, ladies. It has been enormously frustrating to just hear other parents say things to the tune of "you can't let her be boss." This is not an issue where I want to prove some kind of point to DD, I just want her to be happy. And honestly, we've asked her to deal with A LOT of changes this year. I even have days where I wake up and cry "I just don't want to do x" and I'm an adult!
We're supposed to have a better idea of our timeline here within the next week or so. In the meantime, I have some feeler emails out to people I know who've done nanny work and know other nannies and have also asked DD if she might like to spend her days that way instead of at school. I've also mentioned the possibility of switching schools altogether to her and told her we can visit other schools together before she decides.
Basically, I am probably giving her way too many options, but I don't want to just come up with a "fix" that isn't a fix at all.
hmm I think I would be carefull giving her the options those are kind of big decissions for a 4 yo.
I agree if she is genuinely missreable you should explore other options and while you can gauge her feelings on whether she likes a particular school or caretaker you are the adult and you choose so don't overwehelm here by making her feel she needs to choose.
I think so much depends on your time frame. I agree that if you're moving in January, it might be better to just pull her. Does she give you any details as to why she doesn't like school? Is she having trouble with the language differences? Is there something else?
If you're not moving until June, I'd probably try to switch schools and involve her in the process.
I'm one who thinks preschool is important, especially the year before kindergarten. I think it's a huge shock to go from being home all day to being in a class all day. Plus, I had an awful experience with kindergarten, and I think that a lot of my troubles were from social anxiety and never having experienced the school setting.
Charlotte Ella 07.16.10
Emmeline Grace 03.27.13
At 4.5 I think you should work on getting a few more details out of DD. What is it she doesn't like? Does she say ANYTHING positive about it? Does she have friends? Is someone being mean to her? Does she feel left out from not speaking French well? If nothing else, getting more details from her might help you pick a new school if you end up staying.
Does she have any ideas about what would make school better?
Or is it just that she's used to being home with mama and doesn't want to give that up? My DD has a hard time with change and it makes for a long adjustment period. I hear almost daily how she wants to stay home with me and not go to school - and I've been hearing that for at least 3 years now. But when I pick her up it's obvious she's been having fun, she's in a good mood, she has positive stories to tell me.
Very American constructs. Parents are invited to join the classroom during the first fifteen minutes or so after drop-off, when the kids are doing freeplay. Everyone has to clear out before circle time begins. Any volunteers have to have all kinds of child-education certificates here.
Anyway, we're still figuring this all out. I had initially typed out another 3 paragraphs letting you all inside my anxious mind, but I will leave it all here. Thanks for your thoughts and support.