Sleepover at 3, I don't think so...

brewcitybride · October 2012

My best friend has a girl my DD's age. They've been friends since birth.

My friend asked me if DD could spend the night at their house this weekend. I am totally not comfortable with this! DD is 3, will be 4 in December. She has spent the night many times without us at both sets of grandparents' houses, but I am not comfortable with her being at my friend's house without me. It's only 6 blocks from my house, but to me, 3 is still a baby! She is potty trained, but sometimes still has night accidents. She often wakes up and comes looking for us.

I told my friend I wasn't comfortable with this, and I know she will be fine with that. I just find it interesting - she would never let her daughter to sleep over at our house at this age!

jlw2505 · October 2012

My girls are 4 1/2 and 6 and neither have slept anyplace without us other than at the Grandparents. My 6 year old has asked a few times when she will be old enough to sleep over at a friends and knowing my DD, I am guessing sometime in the next year or 2 (so 7 or 8) she will be ready but I would be surprised if she was ready before that. She is very independant at times but at others, especially when she is tired, she wants us and her normal routine. I may start her with pretend sleepovers where they do everything that you would do at a sleepover and you stay over until 9 or 10 and then come home to sleep. My niece did a ton of birthday party's like that untilt he kids were closer to 9 when they started real sleep overs.

KathrynMD · October 2012

hmmm - I haven't given it much thought, but I don't really see the big difference between sleeping over at Grandma's vs a friends/friends parents they see alot. I can imagine it would be exhausting for the other parent, but if they are up for it, I'd probably be OK with it. Assuming I was nearby and available if DD changed her mind about going.

brewcitybride · October 2012

Because she's 3. She gets scared at night and she sometimes wets the bed. I just think it's nuts, but that's just me.

Angela814 · October 2012

I know DD1 wouldn't have been ready for a sleepover at 3. She would have cried when I wasn't there to put her to bed. She still woke up once a night (every night) to climb into our bed at that age too. I would have been okay with a grandparent being there to comfort her in the middle of the night, but I don't think she would have done well with a friend's mom. (Plus I don't think my friends would appreciate being woken up in the middle of the night.)

VTbride05 · October 2012

My son is 4.5 and has never stayed anywhere other than home without us (just when we had DD). He is far from ready. He needs his routine, and the security of Mom.

Sleepovers can wait. Just have a fun playdate at dinner/bedtime.

Littlejen22 · October 2012

I find it weird to want to have a sleepover just for the sake of it, I would understand if she was offering to watch her if you ever needed a sitter. I would never let my kids sleep at a friends yet.

macchiatto · October 2012

KathrynMD:
hmmm - I haven't given it much thought, but I don't really see the big difference between sleeping over at Grandma's vs a friends/friends parents they see alot. I can imagine it would be exhausting for the other parent, but if they are up for it, I'd probably be OK with it. Assuming I was nearby and available if DD changed her mind about going.

Me, either. We have no relatives within a 600 mile radius but if it was someone I trusted and my kid(s) thought it would be fun, I'd be up for it. That said, I'd never offer to HOST a sleepover at this age. I can understand thinking your LO is too little for it though.

4Speedy · October 2012

When DD was 3, she had overnight visits with my parents, my sister's family and my SIL's family. I would not have agreed to a sleepover with some random family from preschool, but as you describe it, this is YOUR best friend. I assume you know her well and think pretty highly of her or she would not be your best friend. My BFF is like a sister to me and I would have trusted her with my DD overnight. As a matter of fact, my BFF is much more of a worrier than me and honestly, I'm pretty sure my kids would be safer with her than me, LOL.

brewcitybride · October 2012

My uncomfortableness with the situation is not that I don't trust my best friend -- I do! I guess it's me as a Mom thinking of my little "baby" not being in my home for the night, I guess I am not ready for it! To me, when she is with my parents or my in-laws, that is one thing, she's been staying with them since she was an infant. But to me, I am not ready to let her go on a real sleepover at a friends house.

rsd12 · October 2012

My oldest son had his first non family sleepover with a friend at our house when he was 5. It was a lot of fun. But like you his parents were just not ready knowing their kids difficulties with not sleeping through the night. My son would be fine. My almost 5 yr old is not there yet.

sunnyday016 · October 2012

I don't think it's that outrageous. I'd be comfortable with it if I knew & trusted the parents and they were up for it. If you're not comfortable with it, that's fine too, but I don't see it as a huge deal.

LoCarb · October 2012

You have valid reasons to decline.

I would be ok with it but I'm sure DD would cry sometime in the night b/c she missed me. I'm not brave enough to host one myself but certainly wouldn't mind helping out a friend if needed.

Maybe next time you can suggest a sleep-in? I think that's what it's called. When kids have a pajama party, sleeping bags, movie, popcorn, playtime and the parents pick them up around 9 or 10pm. The kids won't know the difference at this age and it's preparation for the first real sleepover.

lauren&matt · October 2012

KathrynMD:
hmmm - I haven't given it much thought, but I don't really see the big difference between sleeping over at Grandma's vs a friends/friends parents they see alot. I can imagine it would be exhausting for the other parent, but if they are up for it, I'd probably be OK with it. Assuming I was nearby and available if DD changed her mind about going.

This exactly.

Sounds like it wouldn't work for your dd but I think mine would do fine. lol, why aren't my friends asking dd to sleep over!?! Heck, I'll bake 'em some brownies and send the baby too!

Sawyerplus1 · October 2012

brewcitybride:
Because she's 3. She gets scared at night and she sometimes wets the bed. I just think it's nuts, but that's just me.

Do you think it's crazy for 3 year olds in general, or did you expect your friend to know that it was a crazy idea for your DD in particular? I guess I dont understand the big deal...

I think it totally depends on the child, but I wouldn't be opposed to a sleepover at a close friends house if I thought the LO would have fun.

ElatedMom2B · October 2012

Not sure if my response would help, because I am still not sure how I feel about it except for the fact that DD had to stay my friend's house when DD#2 was born. My water broke at their house and they said just to leave her there. Thankfully, the hospital is literally a 1/2 a mile from their house. She turned 3 three weeks after DD#2 was born. Apparently, she did wonderfully. She went to bed when it was time and only woke up once and called out, but went back to sleep. My friend has three kids - 2 girls that are 8 and 5 and a boy who will be 3 in March (this is now). They are our closest friends and we've been away on vacation with them - so I don't know if that's helped?!?! Just a thought for you - I guess it depends on how you feel about your LO's ability to sleep on a regular basis and how comfortable she is with your friend.

regenab · October 2012

For me this is not a big deal since it is my BFF. She is pretty much a sister to me and my girls and her girls are very close. My girls have stayed over at her house and her girls have stayed at mine. But again our families are very close (we really are like sisters - went to high school together). Also I have another very close friend (again like a sister to me and was in my wedding) that is a single Mom and I have had her son overnights since he was 1 year old when she has a company function or wants to go out on a date. I once had him stay at my house for 4 days because she had to go away for a company training or would have lost her job. Her parents live in another state (back home in PA where we are from). Since we are such close families I have never really saw this as an issue. It is the same as having my girls stay over at my SIL's house with my niece. These people are my family and my girls feel very comfortable in their houses and with them. They have watched my kids overnight so my DH and I can have a much needed weekend away.

Now that being said I would not have my girls doing sleepovers at friends from preschool. They are too young and I don't know the parents as well.

But my opinion may be coming from the fact that DH and I don't have any close grandparents to keep our kids. My parents don't live anywhere close to me and I wouldn't trust them with my dog let alone my kids. And DH's mother is not into watching small kids (she didn't do a great job at watching her own small children). So my very close friends have become my family in this regard. Just another side of the coin to look at.

MirandaHobbes · October 2012

MomToMaia08:
If you're not ready, you're not ready - and that is OK!

This! I personally would be kinda thrilled, but I'd expect a phone call. DS is an only child and sometimes I wish he had a buddy to play at home. DS would probably get scared at bedtime, but he'd be so excited to be at a friend's house that I think he'd stick it out.

Mama-Bear · October 2012

One of our neighbors (4 almost 5) has spent a few nights at our other neighbors house. It's weird to me as well, DS1 is 5 and I couldn't imagine letting him spend the night somewhere.

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