Would you talk your SO out of quitting his job?

andyyougoonie · October 2012

If your SO were really unhappy at work, super stressed out and hated it, would you try to talk him OUT of quitting if he wanted to?

It's going to cost you over $30k/yr in income, which your family desperately needs. He will not be going back to work in that field so there's no telling how long he will be out of a job until he finds something in a new field or how much he'll be making then.

This is based on a conversation I had with my coworkers at lunch. They believe you should stay at a job you're happy with regardless of getting a job offer for more money. And on the flipside, that if you don't like your job, you should quit whether you have another job lined up or not.

MissNikki007 · October 2012

In a perfect world, people would only work jobs they are happy with.

That, however, does not put food on the table and pay the mortgage.

I think sometimes you just have to suck it up and deal. It's a part of being an adult with responsibilities.

[Deleted User] · October 2012

If your family needs the money, you need to line up another job before quitting.

CoffeeBeen · October 2012

I think I'm more pragmatic than your coworkers. I agree that you should do what you love, but you should think about your family's financial wellbeing. I'm all for leaving a job that you hate - but line something up ahead of time.

JourneyToBaby · October 2012

People who live in real world cannot just quit their job if they are feeling unhappy. You search, you apply, you interview, you get hired at a new job and THEN you quit. My opinion.

quidditchcapn1120 · October 2012

I would and I have. Yes, personal happiness is important, but your work life is not all that entails. #1 responsibility is to put food on the table and pay the bills. On the other hand, if he had a job lined up with similar income and benefits, or at least enough to get by, I would be all for it.

insertclevername · October 2012

I really, really dislike my job. But I am an adult with responsibilities so I make the best of it and suck it up. I would not be able to find a job that pays me what I currently make, has job security, has great health benefits, has a pension and a lot of other miscellaneous benefits.

My H feels the same way I do. He would never quit a job because he is unhappy, unless he had a comparable job already secured.

andyyougoonie · October 2012

I think it's absolutely ridiculous to expect to find a job you're going to love and not be stressed at. My dad always said "It's called work for a reason. It's not supposed to be fun." It sucks and I wish we all got to do (and enjoy) our dream jobs, but when you have a family, priorities should change from fun to bringing home the bacon.

I told my coworkers that there was no way I would let H quit his job. It's stressful and he hates it, but tough luck. Unless he finds something better for similar pay, he's stuck there.

They got all high and mighty, acting like I was a bad wife for forcing my husband into this drudgery or whatever.

They are also giving my coworker a hard time for "selling out" and leaving a job she likes for another one with more money. I think that is beyond bitchy. They actually made her cry.

Ms5586 · October 2012

With that kind of paycut that we couldn't manage, and no job in sight? Not a chance. You don't get everything you want, ya know?

ASmallWonder · October 2012

We're in this exact situation now. DH is stressed to the max at a job that takes advantage and works him nearly to death for not enough money. He would quit in a heartbeat if we could afford for him to be out of work. We can't so for now he toughs it out and tries to find time around his insane work schedule to work on his resume so he can maybe find something else.

kwitt22 · October 2012

He really should not quit esp if he has a family to feed. That being said, I know how badly it sucks to be in a job you loathe, and have come close to quitting a job without having another lined up. I got laid off in Jan and in March I found a temp to perm job. It was absolutely awful. The management was horrible, the job itself was awful. They had awful rules like no getting up from your desk, unless it was to use the bathroom you could not use the microwave unless it was lunch time. That is just a few of the horrible rules. I was extremely close to quitting, and seriously thinking of cancelling everything we didn?t absolutely need, like cell phones, TV, internet and eating ramen noodles until I found a new job. However the company lost a huge account and couldn?t afford to take me on to perm status, so I got to go back on unemployment and 2 weeks later found an awesome job!

[Deleted User] · October 2012

andyyougoonie:

I think it's absolutely ridiculous to expect to find a job you're going to love and not be stressed at. My dad always said "It's called work for a reason. It's not supposed to be fun." It sucks and I wish we all got to do (and enjoy) our dream jobs, but when you have a family, priorities should change from fun to bringing home the bacon.

I told my coworkers that there was no way I would let H quit his job. It's stressful and he hates it, but tough luck. Unless he finds something better for similar pay, he's stuck there.

They got all high and mighty, acting like I was a bad wife for forcing my husband into this drudgery or whatever.

They are also giving my coworker a hard time for "selling out" and leaving a job she likes for another one with more money. I think that is beyond bitchy. They actually made her cry.

Your co-workers sound all kinds of awesome.

Mrs.adambabycakes · October 2012

Are your coworkers single and do they live with their parents?

Sonadora · October 2012

I don't care if he's unhappy at his job. It's work. It's not fun. You don't get to quit because it's not fun. You get to quit only when you have something else lined up. Sorry, that may sound mean, but you're an adult, suck it up, and keep working while you search for something better. If we weren't married and he came up with such a harebrained idea I'd probably be ending the relationship because we clearly don't have the same values.

andyyougoonie · October 2012

sofamonkey:

Your co-workers sound all kinds of awesome.

They are insane. And they always agree with each other and I'm left feeling like I'm absolutely crazy! That is why I bring y'all these kinds of questions. I'm just checking to make sure that I'm not the crazy one.

It's like the freaking twilight zone here.

numeria11 · October 2012

Frankly I think your coworkers are fools if they say quit without another job lined up. I say this from two different perspectives:

1) This time of year esp. jobs are getting thin, many companies have spent their budgets for the year and are on hiring freezes/slow downs til the New Year starts. Even then most openings dont really get up and running til about Feb since January everyone is just getting back in the swing of things and budgets aren't always a 100% finalized right away. Which means the earliest you would get a job is Feb/March/April for many companies.

2) As a recruiter I seriously side eye anyone who left a job without another one already in place, it's a HUGE red flag unless you were either caring for a sick family member, were yourself sick or went back to school. Otherwise to me and many managers it says you can't deal well with stress/high pressure environments or were on the verge of getting fired and left before they could.

So No I would never suggest someone esp in the scenrio you just mentioned quit their job without another in play. Would I encourage my DH to get his resume updated, contact a recruiting company and actively search every day? Yes. Just leave? No

august06mom · October 2012

I would encourage him to seriously look for another job and would be willing to make lifestyle changes so that he could take something that paid less. But quitting outright would be a terrible idea if you can't pay your bills without that salary.

numeria11 · October 2012

elmoali:
We're in this exact situation now. DH is stressed to the max at a job that takes advantage and works him nearly to death for not enough money. He would quit in a heartbeat if we could afford for him to be out of work. We can't so for now he toughs it out and tries to find time around his insane work schedule to work on his resume so he can maybe find something else.

Do you mind if I ask what your DH does? I know quite a few folks in recruiting on the East coast so they migh have something up his ally.

andyyougoonie · October 2012

Mrs.adambabycakes:
Are your coworkers single and do they live with their parents?

No. They are mostly older, married women that grew up on farms in the country. I can not figure out how they are justifying this.

One said "what if he's bringing the stress from his job home?" I said, that sounds like a problem with the person. She scoffed at me.

I guess if it were affecting his health negatively, I could see considering it. But I would want him to do extensive job searching before we entertained the idea of quitting without another job lined up.

mom2pottamus · October 2012

Yes. We have kids and responsibilities. I would support him finding a job that made less money by saving and planning while in the job he hates. There is no reason to stay in a job you hate--but it is completely foolish to walk away from a job without anything else lined up. Your co-workers have clearly never struggled financially or been in a position with an unexpected job loss.

MJN9510 · October 2012

We are in that situation now! DH likes his job but HATES his boss. He is one of those bosses who likes to belittle people under him and throw his weight around. Someone wrote An anonymous complaint about him recently and he is currently trying to bully everyone into saying who wrote it. Anyway, DH has been interviewing for other jobs and got an offer last week but it would be less pay and not as good benefits so he turned it down based on what's best for us financially. He had an interview somewhere else yesterday so hopefully that pans out! I don't want DH to stay working for this jack donkey of a boss! Lol

kcisthebombdotcom · October 2012

Since there's no money tree growing in our backyard, if DH is unhappy at work he has to suck it up until he finds something else.

In regards to the other comment your coworker made-- I do see the benefit of staying at a job you're happy with even if you could get another offer for more money. My DH works in accounting and is way underpaid for what he does but he really loves his boss and believes in the company. I'd never push him to get a better paying job unless there were no other choice.

penguingrrl · October 2012

Unless it's an extreme situation you need to find a new job before quitting the one you have.

write2nicole · October 2012

andyyougoonie:
They believe you should stay at a job you're happy with regardless of getting a job offer for more money. And on the flipside, that if you don't like your job, you should quit whether you have another job lined up or not.

These both depend significantly on your obligations and financial circumstances. I could probably get a job right now that pays more than double what I'm making, but I'd never get to see my kid, much less my extended family. That's a sacrifice I chose to make years ago for my own sanity and happiness. But I still make enough to live somewhat comfortably.

I also think there are situations where you can quit your job if you're not happy, without another lined up. If you're independently wealthy, for example. Or if you're single, with no debt, no kids, and plenty of savings to provide for yourself - and realistic job prospects. Or if you're married and your partner can cover your expenses until you find another job.

But yes, it would be ridiculous to quit your job without another lined up if you can't take care of yourself financially without that income.

driveshorses · October 2012

No I wouldn't talk him out of quitting his job. If he just "wanted to do something different" then no, stay there. But if he was unhappy, super stressed and totally burnt out, then quit. But have a back up plan.

I was the SO (wife) in that situation a couple months ago. DH tried for awhile to convince me to stay, but things kept happening. I was miserable, stressed out, bringing the stress and misery home and it wasn't worth it. I quit. I also got unemployment because of how the situation was. So I had a backup plan. I was only out of a job for a month before I had a PT job that took all of 2 weeks to become a FT job. I make a lot less than I did before but I am MUCH happier, and can leave work at work; where it belongs.

IUIBaby · October 2012

I would. You don't work because you want to, you work to put food on the table.

ShellShockedMama · October 2012

It depends on the degree of unhappiness. I was in this position. I threw up every day,my bosses verbally abused me every day. I tried for two years to deal with it and find a new position but nothing ever came up. DH gave me the green light to quit when the verbal abuse became physical. There is only so much I can deal with.

The loss of income rocked our world big time,but I've never been happier. Ever

i guess it just depends.

Want a personalized experience?

Would you talk your SO out of quitting his job?

Re: Would you talk your SO out of quitting his job?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards