Advice needed please SAH or Back to work

Piper345 · October 2012

I don't post much but I could use some advice and/or insight.

Last month I was forced out of my job due to restructuring. I was not expecting this to happen. My job was very demanding but I was paid very well. DH and I always said I would keep working until we had another baby. (DS is 16 months). While I like working I have always secretly wished I could be a SAHM. Now that I actually have the opportunity to do so I can't make a decsion. We can totally live on DH's salary alone. but we would have to cut back on certain luxuries (not a big deal) and we would save at a slower pace. DH wants me to go back to work even if it's only for a year just so we can save more money for a house. Part of me agrees with this (I have started interviewing) but the other part of me wants to stay home with DS and start trying for another now. Ideally, I would love to work part-time but that is not an option in my industry. I also have to make above a certain amount to cover the nanny's salary and bring home a little extra for savings.

Has anyone been in a situation like this before? I keep hoping the answer will just come to me but so far it hasn't. Thanks for listening

NicoleWI · October 2012

I'm in a similar boat re: what to do after this baby arrives. Deep down, I really want to try SAH for awhile, but now that it's closer to reality I'm second-guessing and wondering if I should try to stay on PT for the income, etc....but then I just don't know if it's worth it. Even though people on here hate this, I am now waiting until after baby arrives to make a final decision. I feel like I just can't decide now and I want to be sure all is OK with birth and baby, also, as any medical issues would be a reason I would likely stay on a bit longer.

My DH's job is very demanding and he works super long hours especially in spring/fall, and that makes a big difference for me--I feel like I can't keep up with everything falling on me. And, I love being at home with the kids. So again, deep down, I really want to at least try SAH and have that experience...but I want to be sure I still feel that way and it still makes sense after the baby arrives. I may feel like I want to keep a toe in my work world and therefore propose a PT solution. I KNOW I don't want to go back FT. This is too much juggling for me.

Good luck with your decision!

jf198400 · October 2012

Personally I would LOVE to be a SAHM if we could afford to live on one salary. However Iit would also be great to save more money towards a bigger house before you have a 2nd LO. We have 2 kids, and our townhouse seems to have shrunk in size now that we have double the kids stuff. Since you haven't started TTC yet, I would keep job searching/ interviewing. If the right job comes along that you would be reasonably happy in, then take it. Save for a year, have baby #2, then stay home. If you don't find a job that is the right fit for you, then take that as a sign that you should SAH now.

1026pumpkin · October 2012

If I were in your shoes, I'd make the budget cuts, etc. as if I were going to SAHM, but still actively job search. You can use this period as a trial run to see if SAHM is working out for you, and if you love it, then stop the job search, if not, keep looking.

If saving is really a priority and you really enjoy SAHM, maybe you could look into nannying for an additional child or a PT job on weekends (in a difft. field if yours doesn't have this option) to supplement your husband's income.

emilyec1 · October 2012

1026pumpkin:
If I were in your shoes, I'd make the budget cuts, etc. as if I were going to SAHM, but still actively job search. You can use this period as a trial run to see if SAHM is working out for you, and if you love it, then stop the job search, if not, keep looking.
If saving is really a priority and you really enjoy SAHM, maybe you could look into nannying for an additional child or a PT job on weekends (in a difft. field if yours doesn't have this option) to supplement your husband's income.

This is a good idea. I can totally understand your situation. I am barely bringing in anything after paying for the nanny's salary but it's enough to contribute to the savings account and not worry about splurging on little luxuries like Starbucks and fun things for the babies. However if I were to SAH we would be watching every penny. It's so hard to know. In the end go with your gut!

KathrynMD · October 2012

Don't forget to think about the missed salary increases and retirement savings you are forgoing (sp?) if you leave the workforce. To me, while I enjoy the idea of staying home, the idea of staying home for 2-5 years and then re-entering sounds almost worse. You'll be behind on salary, your skills are out of date, plus then you have to deal w/ all the BS of being a new employee while also getting your family/your kid adjusted to you not being there.

jannv11 · October 2012

Our situation is kinda the same...we can live on DH's salary but put less in savings. I am going to take a year or so off in March after LO#2 comes. I see it as they only grow up once. Right now I work all day and rush around all evening getting things ready for the next day. I want to enjoy the kids while they are young and can work and build up savings later. what can a year or so hurt!

KL777 · October 2012

I think you and DH have to be on the same page. It sounds like you want to SAH and he wants you to work for year to save for a bigger house.

I think it's a personal decision. I SAH the first 3 years and do not regret it. I was blessed to be able to re-enter the workforce without any problems.

Nechie122 · October 2012

I agree with the PPs about pressing forward with interviews and using this time as a trial run as a SAHM. Right now we're talking about a hypothetical job, but once you have an offer, the decision may be clearer.

However, I also think you need to make this decision jointly with your DH. It sounds like he wants you to work to meet your savings goals. My DH absolutely would not want me to stay home, even though he earns twice what I do. He's also a stickler about savings and we pretty much live off his salary and save mine. I think you may be glossing over your DH's feelings a bit.

skibunny59 · October 2012

I would love to be a SAHM. If DH made enough to support our family, I would leave my job in a heartbeat.

SharonB222 · October 2012

I financially support our household and at some point I may quit my job and we'll live on savings (unless DH steps it up) so I can be a SAHM --- life is too short! I would never have done this prior to TTC, but after nearly a decade of infertiliy and pregnancy loss, my priorities are very different --- my DH was impacted similarly --- both DH and I are ready to be "mommy-tracked" and "daddy-tracked" for our child(ren)!!!! Currently he is a PT SAHD and when somebody was ragging on him about it last week, he stood by his choice. I would too! GL with yours!

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