Infertility

I am not bouncing back well

My second iui failed last week.  I usually recover pretty quickly with things.  Usually I am very positive.  I get upset and cry for a while and then I move forward.  I do not know if it is because of the progesterone shots or AF took almost a week to show up, or because the next cycle is going to be one where we do not do anything (have to save for the ivf a little more).  I do not know what my problem is, but I just feel so sad.  I cry when I am alone like on the way to work and the way home.  I am going to talk to re thursday to plan out the next steps.  I know that other women go through so much more than I have.  I guess I just want to know that other people felt this and feel better in time.
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Re: I am not bouncing back well

  • It's ok to be sad. Sometimes the BFNs are easier to deal with than other times. I've spent many daily commutes crying. I hope you start feeling better soon, but take as much time as you need to deal with your pain. ((hugs))

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    Me: 30 ~ Stage IV Endo ~ AMH .38 ~ AFC 8
    AMH .97 as of 4/2012! ~ AMH 1.63 as of 4/2013!?!

    Him: 29 ~ perfect swimmers

    Laparotomy w/partial oophorectomy 8/2009 to remove cysts/endo.
    Stopped BCP 4/2010.
    Multiple clomid rounds from 11/2010 to 6/2011. ~ All BFN
    IUI w/clomid 7/2011. IUI w/clomid & injectables 11/2011 & 1/2012. ~ All BFN

    IVF:EPP 5/2012 ~ (4R, 3M, 2F w/ICSI). Both embryos txfrd. ~ BFN
    BCP to manage endo from 10/2012 to 12/2012.
    FET w/donor embryos #1: 10/2013 Cancelled
    FET w/donor embryos #1.2: 11/2013
    ~ ET of 2 beautiful blasts on 11/27.
    Beta 1: 503(12dp5dt) Beta 2: 1035(14dpt) Beta 3: 3001(16dpt)
    Beta 4: 8503(19dpt)
    Twins with an EDD of 8/15/14! Team Purple
    G&B born 6/30/14 at 33w3d via emergency c/s.


    If you're wondering about my avatar...it's a fried pickle chip shaped like a fetus!


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  • That is perfectly normal! IF sucks big time and is like a roller coaster, there are a lot of ups and downs. I find myself crying in the car when I hear a sad song on the radio. Heck, DH and I were watching What To Expect When You're Expecting with the family the other night and I burst into tears during a happy scene! I guess what I'm saying is that you are allowed to feel sad. Take it one day at a time and I hope you feel better soon.
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  • I'm so sorry you're still feeling down. Everyone recovers/bounces back differently. I hope you start to feel better =) When I got my phone call at work, I had to hold it all in until I got home. I had my ugly-cry and stayed in bed for a bit. I ended up trading my car that weekend. In my defense, I had planned to trade my car in a while back but wanted to wait. Yes, probably not the best but it definitely made me recover/bounce back faster than I expected. I really hope you bounce back soon. Feel better =)
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  • It's hard to bounce back give yourself time. Every cycle is different take your time to get over this my thoughts are with you.

    Me 38 MH 41 - TTC since June 2010 - dx with Severe MFI. Straight to IVF with ICSI. IVF #1 - ER 06/13/12 - 9 Eggs Retrieved - 4 ICSI'd - only 2 fert. 06/15/12 - 2DT - 3 cell & 6 cell with fragmentation. Beta 06/29/12 - IVF #1 = BFN. 07/20/12 - WTF Appt -Told by our RE to quit IVF. Second Opinion from RE is good. IVF#2 - November 2012. Estradiol Pills Started 11/6. Stims start 11/16. ER 11/26 - 7 eggs retrieved - all mature. 4 fertilized with ICSI. ET 11/29 Transferred 3 embryos. Beta is 12/10. 1st Beta 81 2nd Beta 160 and 3rd beta 360!!! First U/S 12/21/12 - We saw one beautiful gest. sac. 2nd U/S is 01/04/2013 - H/B 183 02/05/13 - NT Scan - everything looks good and IT'S A BOY!  Aiden was born 08/20/2013.

    IVF #2 is in progress.  ER was 05/12/14 - 11 eggs retrieved, 8 fertilized with ICSI.  ET was 05/15/14 - we transferred 3 embryos as we did on the cycle my son was conceived.  We were able to freeze 3 embryos. Beta is scheduled for 05/26/14.  1st beta - 111.  2nd beta - 159 didn't double :( 3rd beta Friday 5/30) - not a lot of hope left. Beta # 3 is 247 - probably ectopic.  Beta # 4 is 813 - possibly vanishing multiple sydrome?  06/05/14 - 5w4days - first U/S - we see a gestational sac and yolk - still have hope!  06/17/14 - 7w1day - U/S and saw and heard the heartbeat - Finally!  06/27/14 - 8w4days - Baby and heartbeat look and sound great :)  EDD 02/01/14 and It's a boy!


     "Everything will be okay in the end. If it's not okay, it's not the end."


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  • I am so sorry. It wasn't so bad for me with the IUIs (I never expected them to work), but I had a really hard time after the failure of our DE IVF.  I am still not 100% and this was months ago.  GL!

    image
    DOR and AMA
    2/12-5/12: 4 IUI cycles = all BFN;
    7/12: DE IVF # 1 (with ICSI)- 20R, 16M, 14F, 5DT of 2 blasts; 6 frosties = BFN;
    Lupus anticoagulant initially high, then found to be normal on hematology consult;
    Follow up testing in September all clear;
    Started synthroid for "high normal" TSH;
    FET # 1- late October 2012- BFP on FRER; beta # 1- 21(low), beta # 2- 48 (still low), beta # 3- 132, beta # 4- 1,293; beta # 5- 5,606; last beta- over 100,000. First u/s 11/21- heard heartbeat
    12/12- Officially an OB patient!
    Level 2 ultrasound at 20 weeks shows vasa previa and VCI
    Referral to MFM and mandatory c section for delivery
    Beautiful baby girl born at 34 weeks
    Finally home after 15 day NICU stay!
    Trying for sibling: FET # 2- May 2014; beta 5/31, BFN
    FET #3, early July 2014; beta 7/14, BFN
    DE IVF # 2- August 2014; 14R, 13M, 11F, 5dt of 2 blasts (3 AA), 5 frosties = BFN
    FET #4- December 2014, yet another BFN

    Dr. KK work up shows borderline uterine blood flow, elevated NK cells, and MTHFR mutation (homozygous for c677t)

    Added baby aspirin, prednisone, supplements, Metanx, and intralipids

    Switched to large clinic for final attempt; had endometrial receptivity testing in January; FET March 2015 = yet another BFN

    Likely OAD- NBC

  • Being upset is perfect normal and acceptable, especially where you are in your cycles.

    If you feel your sadness is continuing or becoming something that interferes with your daily life, you may want to talk to a counselor or therapist, or even your RE about connecting with someone who specializes in infertility counseling or with a group like RESOLVE that will bring you in contact with others going through the same thing.

    IF is a very hard journey and it's especially difficult to get through without feeling some depression. 

    I see a counselor and I'm on anti-depressants and participate in RESOLVE. All of these things have helped me immensely.

    BzeetyD = 38, Mr. BzeetyD = 44 together 12/02 married 9/08
    TTC #1 since 1/10
    DX: Unexplained/??? MFI issues

    Our lil' lost sparks:
    5w3d loss 7/30/10 - EDD March 2011
    8w loss 4/15/11 - EDD November 2011
    8w3d loss 8/2/12 - EDD March 2013
    4w c/p loss 10/29/12 - EDD July 2013

    Long story: trying on our own + testing testing testing with 6 rounds of Clomid, more testing, injectables + TI, laparoscopy - one tube blocked, 2 IUIs with Follistim...BFNs.
    RPL testing all normal, Karyotyping normal

    Moving on to IVF.

    IVF #1 April 2012 = BFN, IVF #2 June 2012 = BFP. U/S 7/23 = saw heartbeat but measuring behind. Follow up U/S on 7/30 - no heartbeat. D&C 8/2. Trisomy 12. IVF #3 Oct 2012 = Chemical Pregnancy

    Phone consult with CCRM on 12/12/12 - ODWU 1/4/13 - both tubes clear(!) - AFC 24, AMH 3.2, FSH 9.6, LH 5.4, E2 25. DH has high frag rate but improved!
    IVF #4 March 2013 CCRM. EP protocol w/ Menopur, Gonal-F & Dexamethasone. ER 3/29 & IMSI, PICSI. 43R 13M 10F 6blasts bio'd. CCS testing reveals 3 normals!!!
    FET 5/31/13 of 1 4AA blast - thawed and expanded. 4dp5dt BFP.
    Beta 9dp5dt = 181, 11dp5dt = 427. 1st u/s showed a healthy heartbeat! EDD 2/16/14

    After 4 years of hoping and heartbreak, our sweet little bean was born on 2/19/14
    We are so in love with her.

    "I'm not telling you it's going to be easy, I'm telling you it's going to be worth it."

    Everybody is welcome!!!
  • I am so sorry.
    IF sucks big time.
  • As other ladies said, it is perfectly normal to have the roller coaster! There were days going through my IUI's that I felt like nothing would ever work and other days that I felt optimistic. Hang in there! We're all here and have been through the same or similar emotions at some point in our journeys, so please vent to us anytime!!
    Anniversary
    Tried to conceive on our own for a year before moving on to fertility treatments. Dx unexplained. About 10 months of procedures, shots, and countless doctor appointments, we got our BFP! BFN on 5 IUI's
    IVF#1 - ER 09/14/12, ET 09/17/12: two 8 cells, BFP: 9/28 Beta#1 56.8; 10/2 Beta#2 284; 10/5 Beta#3 939; 10/9 Beta #4 4967. One baby on board with EDD 06/07/13!
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  • I'm sorry you're going through this. Know that it's so normal to feel overwhelmed at times. You deserve to take time to freak out, cry, grieve, do whatever you need to do. We're here for you and rooting for you!
  • I used to spend my commute crying a lot of the time. It sucks. IF sucks. BFNs suck. Just keep an eye out and make sure the sadness lifts. I don't have any advice but I think we have all been there.
  • it's extremely difficult to deal with, no matter where you are in the game.  have you considered talking to someone (re: therapy?)

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  • I'm so sorry :( I feel sadness in waves as well, sometimes little things set me off into a tear fest, and other times I can shake it off and feel optimistic. You're not alone!  

    Me-28, DH-22

    TTC since July 2011

    ovulation confirmed in blood test

    progesterone blood test normal as well as thyroid

    saline sonohysterogram all clear

    DH SA shows excellent swimmers

    Sept 2012,1st round of Clomid 12, 15, 18mm follies:BFN

    Oct 2012, 2nd round of Clomid, one 19mm egg upping dosage 100mg clomid for November in hopes of doing IUI-BFN

    November 18th 2012, IUI #1-BFN prescribed progesterone supplements for next cycle, monitoring appt Dec 12th.

    December 14th- Missed ovulation, doing TI instead of IUI.-BFN

    January 11th IUI #2-BFN

    IUI #3-Feb 13th=BFP

    beta#1 2/25 12dpiui 61

    beta#2 2/27 14dpiui 141 progesterone 21.2
    Tumblr_mdrohiKqJK1rubhgfo1_1280 AlternaTickers - Cool, free Web tickers
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