Babies on the Brain
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When do you know?
My fiance and I have talked about kids and that we want to have a house before we have a baby. That is in a two year plan. But lately, I've been getting anxious. We're getting married in just over a month and I can't help but feel that maybe it is time. Not right away, but in the next year or so. My fiance feels a little rushed so I told him to let me know when he is ready. But that's my question. When do you know you're ready? Are you ever really ready?
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Re: When do you know?
I think it's a normal reaction that around the time of the wedding you want a baby. The wedding planning is over and you're longing for something else to plan and to move onto the next thing.
Your fiance is right. Get established in a house before you have the baby and enjoy some time alone as newlyweds. You'll never get that time back but presumably you'll have some time to have a baby (assuming you're not 40+).
Yes, you can know you're ready and certain times are better than others. We made a list of goals we wanted to accomplish (getting our house, having x amount in savings, paying off all our debt besides mortgage) before we had a baby. We met those goals and then ditched the birth control. We had 2 (and hopefully soon to be 3) babies. Maybe sit down and do something similar with your fiance after you get married and you can get to a point where you're both on the same page of the timeline.
GL and congrats on your upcoming wedding!
All of this. I think everyone has a little let down when the wedding planning is over. I love being a mom and love my boys. However, the hardest part for me was losing the freedom to do anything I want when I wanted to (i.e. go out to dinner, go on a spontaneous vacation, go for a walk by myself, watch a movie, sleep in on Saturday, etc). Enjoy being married and find something else to focus on for a while. Congrats!!
I think the situation is different for everyone, some people can wait until they have reach an agreed time frame or paid off bills, or whatever your goals are. But for others, if you wait until things are pefect it might never happen. You have to do what is right for you and your family.
With #1 we were not really in the right place, I was unemployed and things could have been better finacialy, but we were both just ready and everything worked out perfectly.
Now I am ready for #2 but we will not start trying until at least April because we cannot afford another baby right now and I want more time with just DD before I go through another pregnancy.
It is so situational for everyone, I would just take things as they come and definitely wait until DH is ready, I would want that support on my side.
The advise I give everyone who asks me this question: Enjoy being married for a few years. Go on vacations, go out to dinner, sleep late, stay up late, go out with friends, spend money on fun things (if you have extra money to spend, that is) because once you have a baby 1. your relationship with your husband will never be the same (not in a good or bad way, but in a very different way). 2. you will never again be only responsible for yourself, you will always have someone else (a little baby/child/teenager) on your mind whenever you do anything. 3. you won't have the time or money to do many of the fun things you did before kids.
My husband and I love to look back on the wonderful 2 years we had before kids and we love looking ahead to all of the wondeful things to come!
Enjoy your married kid free life for a while!
I don't think anyone is ever completely ready. However, I do believe that you can feel very comfortable with your decision! My husband and I decided that we wanted to wait about two years after we got married to have a baby. We wanted a little "us" time and trust me, that time passes by so quickly. Treasure every moment of it because once it is gone it is gone.
A year ago to this day my husband and I found out that we were having a baby! It was our first month of trying. Since that day our lives have completely changed. We are completely different people than we were before. Having a baby drastically changes your relationship, your identity, and your future! (Not in a bad way. It is just different) Make sure that you both are feeling comfortable with the decision to have a child. The last thing you want to do is force your partner into such a big decision!
In some ways I agree with PPs... It can be a great idea to spend a few years married, travel, get your finances in a great shape, get a house, etc. In other ways, I think that it's so dependent on you! Some people really enjoy living the carefree life of being childfree - they enjoy traveling to exotic places, drinking, staying out late, being spontaneous - and they look back on the time when they could do these things and miss it. But that's not for everyone.
My husband and I really have no interest in any of that stuff. Sure, we like sleeping in on the weekends, but that's not something that's worth postponing kids for in my opinion. We love kids so much and spend a good deal of our free time with other peoples' children voluntarily. We'd rather just have our own!
We also have no plans to buy a house before having a baby. We aren't ready to set down roots in just one place, and we're happy renting an apartment. You don't need a huge house for a baby!
Also, people say as long as you're not 40 that you have plenty of time, but some people want to have more than just 1 or 2 children. I want to have a lot, and it takes time to do that, so that's another reason for starting early. Definitely talk to your husband about it and make sure he's ready, but if you both are, there are lots of reasons not to wait!
#2 3/2015
#3 3/2017
#4 10/2019
This is a great comment. Its a good reminder for everyone with babies on the brain and I am especially taking it to heart. My husband and I have been TTC for a while and of course I have baby brain big time!! My husband, not so much...he's just a go with the flow kind of guy and I'm all crazy about it. I'm going to post this comment on my computer desktop to remind me to enjoy our alone time together...while it lasts!
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