Sex and Relationships
AnnieEricson
member
Is anyone a swinger?
AnnieEricson
member
Is that what it's even called anymore?
H and I occasionally talk about how it could be fun and exciting to bring another girl or couple into the mix. Casually and only for sex. We love each other very much, so we're not wanting to have relationships with other people or anything.
But we're also very vanilla type people, so the whole idea of it also seems too crazy to actually do. Not to mention the fact that we wonder if it's possible to do something like this without any jealousy. Oh, and STD's freak me out.
Does anyone do anything like this on the regular? Or even once? How'd it go? Did you regret it? Give me the deets.
Eta: even if you haven't done something like this, what's your opinion on the matter?
Annie Ericson
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Is anyone a swinger?
Yes we are swingers. We had an experience with a stripper and then invited friends over and ended up in bed with them. And then just jumped in. We go out 2-3x a month and sometimes play every time (or several times a night) or don't play at all. Just depends.
There hasn't really been any jealousy, although there have been times where I didn't know I had a boundary until the boundary was crossed. It is probably the hottest thing to watch my H give another woman pleasure and since I enjoy both men and women it has been incredible to explore my sexuality.
As for STDs, nearly all swingers get tested regularly (every 1-3 months) and religiously use condoms. If you test positive the community isn't that big and you would eventually be ostricized.
Happy to answer any other questions.
I'm not, however my best friend and her boyfriend are. They go to a swinger club in a neighboring city a couple times a month. It's a really swank club and very private with membership fees.
I'd like to give it a try, but there is no way I could ever convince my vanilla husband to do it.
Fascinating. I do think that the idea of seeing my H banging another woman is hot. But in practice, I'm not totally sure.
Do all the people who do this have smokin' hot bods? Have you ever run into anyone that you knew irl? That would be mortifying.
How did you find out about your best friend? Did she tell you? What was your initial reaction?
I only ask because I recently 'came out' to my best friend and she was so curious that she came with us to the club and then we had a fantastic time with her later at the hotel room. She obviously had a good reaction.
I was really unsure at first too. The experience with the stripper solidified by desire to try it out since she was only into me and wouldn't even dance for my H. I was left feeling unfulfilled. Start slow with kissing/making out and see if that feels right to you. Go out and flirt with other people...you'll quickly gauge how you'll feel.
Actually most people are very average. There is a very small percentage of people with smokin' bods. Everyone has a type and we've found that we are more strongly attracted to people who are funny, can carry on a conversation, are genuinely good/nice people, who are smart, and have great smiles. There is one couple that is crazy hot, but are about the dumbbest people in the world--we've lost all attraction to them because we feel dumber after talking to them.
The friends we invited over turned out to be in the lifestyle and we had no idea. I've run into a sorority sister as well. Really though, it's not that big of a deal, I mean they are there too, kwim?
We aren't currently. We were involved in a community that included swingers (though we didn't partake) earlier in our marriage, before we had kids. Once we had kids, we decided that while they were in their stage of being young and super needy, we weren't going to use scarse babysitting / alone time to go there. We're more likely just to go back home and fool around by ourselves.
We've left the conversation open for later, though. When they're older and we have more opportunities to be alone, we'll revisit it.
IMHO, what you do within the confines of your own marriage is your business. You want to do it, do it. And, to me, it's way way way better to do such things when both parties are on board, no sneaking around allowed.
And to answer the PP's question: not everybody in the alternative sexual community has a perfect body. As a matter of fact, from what I've seen (going to a sex club on the regular for a while) there is a much greater range of what's considered "beautiful" or "attractive" there than in general society. It's kind of nice, actually, to be in an environment where, even if you don't have a "perfect" body, there's somebody (usually several somebodies) who think you're totally hot.
She know I'm bisexual and have had a few threesomes before meeting DH. She's always been very open about it. I'd love to go to the club with her sometime, but it would cost about $130 just to get in the door for one night. ($50 2 month membership + $80 Saturday night door fee) My husband wouldn't do it.
That's crazy expensive! Unicorns (single women) are free or less than $10 most places I know.
Can you expand on that? What don't you understand?
I personally enjoy men and women a lot, but I could never be satisfied with a woman only. I definitely prefer men over women.
Yeah, I wouldn't classify myself necessarily bisexual at this point, but extremely bicurious. I have a husband, I love men and wieners. But I am also turned on by women. Women are nice to look at. So I can easily understand how someone would be bi.