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Special Needs
malcivar
member
Feeling a little down (long)
malcivar
member
Chris's pre-school had a Family Fun Day this weekend and the flier said there'd be arts & crafts, face painting, and a magic show. I knew right off the bat that Chris would probably not be interested in ANY of this. If it doesn't involve running around or some sort of iphone/ipad, he's over it. But we went anyway - optimistic.
Sure enough, we get there and DH tries to get him to design a goodie bag. He scribbled with a marker for maybe 30 secs and then started fidgeting. DH held him there for a bit, wrote his name on the bag and got up. He saw the playground and immediately wanted to go there. DH went with him and he started playing. I had the other baby (and stroller) and hung around outside the playground.
I was heartened by the fact that he was actually playing - going down the slide, "driving" the fire truck. Yes he spent a lot of time with these tumbler, roller things with numbers/letters on them but he was doing other things too. This was big because if we ever took him to the park he'd just run around but not actually use the equipment. After a while, DH brings him out and he doesn't look happy (DH). I ask what's wrong, he says Chris didn't play WITH anyone. He pretty much ignored every kid, unless he was pushing them out of the way of squeezing by them.
With him being in a non one-on-one setting now at school, we thought (hoped) that he'd have a "friend". There was a boy who I knew was in his class but they both equally ignored each other. We switched off and I went into the playground with him and yep, he was having a blast but not playing WITH anyone. He did pay attention to one kid who was calling out to the other kids - he wanted everyone to get into the fire engine. Chris looked at him and seemed a little apprehensive because the kid had had his face painted like a clown. But then promptly went back to going down the slide.
DH is worried that Chris isn't making eye contact with him. I will admit I am too. I feel like he was doing better. I had a little bit of a breakdown that night because DH was so down and then I just started focusing on all the negative - how he ignored the other kids, how he wasn't making eye contact with dad, how he speaks only in requests or repeating whatever he hears on TV, songs or games.
I think I expected to feel "normal" at this event but instead I felt like Chris was on the weaker side compared to the other kids there. In fairness the playground was full of the SN kids and their NT siblings so I have no idea who all I was comparing him to. I think DH expected Chris to appear to be doing better than his peers. Neither happened. I *was* happy that he was playing with the equipment and happy that he had fun but then I started focusing on the negative and ended up in tears.
So I'm kinda lingering in sad-town today.
Sorry for the long post.
This discussion has been closed.
Re: Feeling a little down (long)
Yep, I think I could have written this post word for word about a year ago. All I can say is that 2.5 to 3.5 were the toughest times EVER. We skipped anything resembling a family night. We quit going to church because it was too much drama to deal with the nursery/sunday school. We despised birthday parties and family gatherings. Once we went to a family night that was pure torture- DS would do nothing and was just way over-stimulated. At one point his ST pulled me aside, looked me in the eye, and said "You're doing a great job. You did a great thing bringing him here tonight." So if no one has told you- you're doing a GREAT JOB! This shiz is hard-- really hard. My DS is 4.5 now and he is a world apart. You know when they're tiny newborns and it's all hard work- and then they start smiling and it all starts becoming a little better? With DS as he's gotten older he has started developing this sweet quirky personality (i.e. his echolia is going away), I just love him to death. Yesterday he told me that the Statute of Liberty is made out of stone. Then he said that "she's so stoned, she can't talk!" DH and I couldn't stop laughing. It really gets better, so hang in there!!
Just wanted to say we have been there! Just the other day I took DD to the park and she was having a ball, playing on the slide. She even was interacting with another little girl her age. They started chasing each other up the ladder to the slide. I was so happy! Then the little girl starts asking DD to do things, giving directions for a game, asking her questions, etc. All DD could do was screech out quotes from Max and Ruby. So this little girl comes up to me and asks what is wrong with her? Why can't she play right? Ugh!
And that was a good day, where DD played and had fun! So I try not to let it bother me. I just explain DD's brain works different but that she loves playing with kids.
Oh and last week we had a great trip to the zoo! DD went to brunch for the first time. Sure we ate super fast but she went into a room full of people and sat down and ate! She did so good at the zoo, actually paying attention to the animals for a change. Loved it! At the zoo playground they started putting up Halloween lights so all she wanted to do was count all the bulbs. A few kids asked us about it. DH was a little bummed. All this fun stuff and she wants to count bulbs? But hey, all in all a great day so why let it bug us right? Still, I get what you mean i your post. Even on a great day, something always reminds us we are not the typical family. Someone always points out DD is different. That sucks.
Olivia Kate is almost 4!
Diagnosed with autism this year and doing great!
You're right. He did. He was even "pretending" (dare I say it) when "driving" the fire engine. He was steering and going "wooooo wooooo!" Maybe it was learned pretend but still it's more than he's ever done.
Oh, we've had those days. When I just want to cry because she's SO different from the other kids, she can't connect with others at the park, will she ever have friends -- yes.
It really does get better. It takes time, and it's kind of two-steps-forward-one-step-back, but it does improve. DD1 actually talks about friends in her class this year, her second year of preschool.
DD1, 1/5/2008 ~~~ DD2, 3/17/2010
That's what the school director told us - when we visited the first time - it just happened to be the last day of school. She kept pointing out kids and saying "all he did was scream when he got here 2 years ago - now look at him." Another super adorable, super sweet kid apparently had no words when he arrived - and this was the kid that said "excuuuuuse meeee" because we were in his way and then promptly thanked us when we moved.
I'm doing much better today - focusing more on the positive than the negative.