Inlaw Vent

sarahtc17 · September 2012

So my BIL is going away first of December for three weeks to Thailand, and my other BIL and SIL are going to NYC right at our due date, and asked my MIL if she wanted to go and she said she would love to!! my DH comes from a family of 4 so that just leaves his sister here, I know I could go early, late etc, but my family would never leave at that time, and they always go on trips I dont mind the Thailand one, but the NYC, they just went in early Sept, anyways its hurtful and sad for my DH I think even though he doesnt admit it, I cant imagine my family not being around, anyone else have family gone?, I know its the 5th grandchild, but its our first and the biggest time of our lives, just sad I guess, vent done-

yinyang124 · September 2012

Well, honestly, peoples' lives go on even while you're pregnant. It might be upsetting or hurtful that their other plans take precedence over your baby, but I don't think it's something to be too upset about. I would never expect my family to turn down something they want to do because I *might* go into labor at that time. Try not to stress too much about it. It's more important that hubby will be there for you. And I'm sure they will all be excited to see LO when they come back.

robyn2201 · September 2012

I completely understand! With DD, Dh's entire family decided to go on vacation 2 weeks prior to my due date. When they were planning it, we reminded them how close it was and they didn't think it was a big deal. They all thought I was going to have her near my due date or be late. And unfortunately, they get to decide when and where they go on vacation. There wasn't much we could do about and we just hoped they would be there.

Well guess what happened? My water broke while they were gone. They didn't get home till a week after she was born. Dh was definitely upset about it and they were as well, MIL especially. We wanted to say, well we told you that it was super close to my EDD, but obviously we didn't.

Even though they missed meeting DD in the hospital it was still really sweet the day that they did get to meet her. And you know, in the long run, it wasn't a big deal. Yes DH was upset, but he got over it.

elvinnoe · September 2012

My parents and both of my sisters live half a country away. My closest friends live several hours away and though they'll probably come visit eventually, none of them will be here when the baby's born. DH's family speaks broken English and so I still end up feeling alone even when I'm with them because we can't communicate. I felt lonely before, but even more so now that this huge life changing event is coming up, hormones and emotions are high, and no one I'm very close to except for DH is here with me.

I'm not saying that this is license to be upset about it for the next few months; I mean, I'm having a baby girl and I'm going to be thrilled no matter who is here, but yeah -- that part of it really sucks.

magnoliablossom00 · September 2012

Honestly, I wouldn't worry about it any longer. If they don't want to be a part of it, then don't chase them. My ILs do stuff all the time that hurts our feelings, and we have decided to quit giving them power over us, especially on our biggest days (obviously having a baby would be one of them). Try to focus on the baby, you, and dh, and anyone else who wants to be a part of the big day. I completely understand how it would hurt your feelings, but screw it. It isn't worth it to make a big stink, so let them go and move on!

SingleMom31 · September 2012

That's sort of the same situation that I'm in with my mom and her boyfriend. I'm due 12/24 and they generally leave for Arizona on/around 12/27 since they lease a condo as of 1/1 and it takes a couple days to drive down. They're not postponing the trip this year, even though baby is arriving.

At first, I was a little upset ("What do you mean you might not come see baby?!"), but then sort of thought about it more. She'd come and visit us in the hospital for an hour or two, but I don't think that I'll want visitors for much longer than that (will want to rest, plus I'd rather not have a lot of people watching while I try breastfeeding). I can't really ask her to give up her trip to AZ for 1-2 hours of visiting us. IMO, that would be a little selfish on my part. She'll be able to come later when we're home and I'll actually want her around for more than a short while. Just some food for thought.

beachbaby2012 · September 2012

RUDE!! I understad peoples lives go on eventhough we're pregnant and blah blah blah, but come one...the grandparents?! they should've made the decision to stay, even if the only reason would be because it's a HUGE day for their son! Totally get why you're upset,,,

ShellShockedMama · September 2012

I don't get it. They don't need to be there the moment the baby is born. They can visit when s/he is a few days a week old and it will still be special.

You sound a little "the world revolves around me".

velazquezk1 · September 2012

My husbands sister is getting married the last week of November. She didn't start planning her wedding until August and doesn't get why my husband won't leave and travel out of the Country they live in the Dominican Republic. He explained to her if she really wanted us there she needed to wait since she made it seem like she wasn't in a hurry. His mom and dad don't get that I can't fly Ill be anywhere from 2026 days from my due date. They've tried bribing ad paying for our tickets, begging, alienating and my husband said yo we will be there in March. Chill. You knew we were pregnant in May.

I feel bad and selfish not having him go, but life goes on. And my point is the world revolves around me and my husband on the day the baby is born. End of story.

If we miss family functions because we don't want to risk it or someone wants to go out of town, it took me a while to grasp it, then it's such as life!

I'd be sad if my husbands parents lived as close as my parents do to us, but they're a good plane ride away and we knew we couldn't predict when we would give birth.

jsoubel · September 2012

I WISH my ILs would go on vacation so I could have some peace of mind that they won't be all up in my house the second we get home with LO. I sympathize with how hard it can be to accept how the ILs treat your husband, especially if he's upset about it. Once the baby is here, you'll both be so thrilled I doubt that you'll really miss the ILs, though.

RissKay · September 2012

It sounds like this is just how his family is, and he's probably used to it. I know it's hard for you to understand, but it's probable that he really doesn't mind all that much. I get this, because my DH's family is completely opposite of my family in many ways. There have been many times where *I* have thought them hurtful, and DH's reply has always been, "Thats just how they are."

mejane123 · September 2012

jsoubel:
I WISH my ILs would go on vacation so I could have some peace of mind that they won't be all up in my house the second we get home with LO. I sympathize with how hard it can be to accept how the ILs treat your husband, especially if he's upset about it. Once the baby is here, you'll both be so thrilled I doubt that you'll really miss the ILs, though.

Ditto. Be thankful you have ILs that don't annoy you so much you'd be happy if they went on vacation at that time. DH and I have 8 parents between the two of us due to SMs and SDs, so it's going to be a freaking ZOO once this baby is born because we are the ONLY chance for grandkids for all of them.

However, I am sorry that, because you seem to have a decent relationship with them, that YH is upset they won't be there. You may find that you actually appreciate having a few days to settle in after the LO is born before you get inundated with visitors, though. Just try to find the silver lining in this, because I promise you it's there.

sarahtc17 · October 2012

I don't get it. They don't need to be there the moment the baby is born. They can visit when s/he is a few days a week old and it will still be special.

You sound a little "the world revolves around me".

you couldnt be more wrong - the world revolves around the inlaws, and I am sick of it, bad place to vent

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