Pregnant after a Loss
candie321
member
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Missing my mom~
candie321
member
My mother died 6 weeks after my wedding. In her wedding speech she said "make me some grandbabies". I am heartbroken to go on without her. She died a year ago May and the thought of not having her around for everything can be too much to bear.
My Mother in law wants to come into the room and while we get along she can make everything about her all the time. My husband assures me he wouldn't put up with it and he is really good at that but still. She isn't my mom.
My mom would be great in the room with me. She always was able to make me feel better, even without really doing anything.
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Re: Missing my mom~
CP: 01/2011 | MMC: 01/2012 | MMC: 10/2012 | DS: 11/2013 | MMC: 11/2014 | DD: 01/2016
BFP: 06/2018 - EDD: 02/09/2019
I know exactly what you mean. *HUGE HUGS*
Two little suggestions my counselor gave me for during labor: take a picture of her to have in the room, and take something of hers (or that reminds you of her or smells like her) that you can actually hold during labor. They're only small things, but at least you can have her there in those ways.
My mom died just about 6 weeks ago...it was sudden and devastating, and I still struggle with it every day. Having babies is definitely something that you want your mother there for, and the absence of one's mother overshadows some of that joy we're all supposed to be feeling at this very exciting time in our lives -- a lot of people don't get that, at least in my situation.
I had hired a doula before my mom died, and I'm glad I did, because she will obviously not replace but will act as that maternal figure that I feel I need so badly during my baby's birth...and since she's a third-party person, it's not like I'm asking anyone else in the family to step in and be my mom, nor does the doula presume to try (I have had people in my fam -- MIL included -- who say they hope to fill that void in my life, but they certainly can't even come close). I can't explain it, but my doula's presence is suddenly invaluable to me. Additionally, I'm searching for tokens to keep with me during the birth that will make me feel like she's there -- a necklace of hers, a picture, something like that...
I'm really sorry for your loss -- words that won't come close to making this any better for you. But I hope you find something special to you to keep her in your heart during this wonderful time in your life.
I know all to well what you're feeling. My mom passed when I was 12 and 7 years later all through my pregnancy and when I had to deliver my son she was all I wanted. My stepmom, who has been through the same things I have was there but its just not the same huge huge hugs to you.