Would this bother you?
JennaNAaron
member
First off, DH and I are foster parents.
Older LO has been going to daycare since the middle of August. I recently noticed that the teacher (s) has/have started writing an abbreviated version of his name on his papers. Since he's in foster care, I can't post his name online. When I saw it on the papers I just assumed it was to save space (his name is 9 letters long), but today when we left one of the teachers called "good bye ___shortened name___
I have two issues with this:
1. I really like LO's name and am not a fan of the abbreviated version (although the abbreviated version is a common name, just not a common nick name for little ones name)
2. As foster parents we aren't allowed to give the kids any nicknames not approved by the birthparents (weird I know, but the rules).
Would you mention this to someone? His lead teacher? the director? I don't want to be one of "those" parents, because I'm a teacher and I swore I never would be.
Sorry the post is so vague, it would make more sense if I could post his name.
~*Jenna*~
TTC since November 2009.
Currently licensed foster parents with the hope of adopting! Also pursuing pregnancy through IUI! First IUI scheduled 10/3/13
Currently loving our placements:
A 1/08
C 4/11
K 6/12
Re: Would this bother you?
If it is a real concern to you I'd just mention it to the director just so that I know everyone will be on the same page.
But without knowing really anything about the foster system, is it actually against the rules for the teachers to give him a nickname or just for the foster parents? What if it was his friends who gave him the nickname? Are his friends allowed to call him the nickname but not his teachers?
I'm guessing (assuming) the reason that the parents can't give him a nickname is to allow for stability in his life. I'm just wondering where the line is drawn with that.
I don't actually know...what we were told is just no nicknames without asking the birth parents. We call him by his first name, but his birth mom uses his middle name. When he came to us, the SW called him by his first name and no one told us mom uses his middle. Mom is fine with the fact that we use his first name and he answers to first or middle, but I don't want him to get confused by a "third" name.
~*Jenna*~
TTC since November 2009.
Currently licensed foster parents with the hope of adopting! Also pursuing pregnancy through IUI! First IUI scheduled 10/3/13
Currently loving our placements:
A 1/08
C 4/11
K 6/12
We named our child Nathan. I wrote Nathan on everything he owned. When he started daycare, they automatically shortened it to "Nate" and then my DH started calling him Nate! LOL Now, he just goes by Nate, but if I still call him Nathan a lot. I'm guilty of this too. There is a little boy in my class named Zachary and I just called him Zach until he complained. Oops.
I would say something to both the director and the lead teacher. Go ahead and explain why too, like you did here. Because he is a foster child, you are not allowed to change his name or nick-name him. His name was given by mom and he needs to be called that. I'm sure a professional childcare worker will understand that situation with no additional issues.
We're a nicknamey society. I think ANY parent has the right to say "His name is ___. Not ___. I'd appreciate it if you didn't shorten it". In time, as our kids get older, we lose that control. But.... while young - i think we have the right to speak up.
THen add in your situaiton? Yes- I'd absolutely say something!
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
I think you have a valid reason and even if you didn't have a "valid" reason aside from not liking the nickname it's not up to the teachers.
I had the opposite situation this year. I call all my students by the name that's on the roster and then they can correct me with a nickname. One of my students didn't know why I was calling him Daniel and not Danny. I had to explain to the parents that we had another Danny in the class and that's his given name, not Daniel, so I distinguish them this way.
~*Jenna*~
TTC since November 2009.
Currently licensed foster parents with the hope of adopting! Also pursuing pregnancy through IUI! First IUI scheduled 10/3/13
Currently loving our placements:
A 1/08
C 4/11
K 6/12
No, he only has a handfull of words so he definitely didn't choose it himself. He's doing remarkably well for being in foster care. We are fortunate to have encountered very few issues.
~*Jenna*~
TTC since November 2009.
Currently licensed foster parents with the hope of adopting! Also pursuing pregnancy through IUI! First IUI scheduled 10/3/13
Currently loving our placements:
A 1/08
C 4/11
K 6/12
Pretty easy to say to the daycare something like "you know, as foster parents we are not permitted to give LO a nickname or shorten his name without the birth parent's permission. It's important to me that you call him by his given name and have all of his paper work done the same way. Thanks!".
Keep it simple and truthful. Works.