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New Here, and soo nervous..

DeeC12DeeC12
in Pregnant after a Loss

Hi Ladies, 

 I can't believe my eyes...or my pee stick. It's unbelievable and I feel so blessed..and scared! I know you all know why. 

  I recently had an m/c in July. The doctors told us to wait a month before ttc again to get my cycle back on track.  So that's what we decided to do. Around 6-7dpo I started feeling really strange, having vivid dreams and cramping. I started to monitor them, because I was thinking..'Well, I know I'm not pregnant. So I'll write these down so that if I get weird symptoms next month..I'll be able to convince myself I'm not'. Well...12dpo came. It was a Thursday and I was going away with a friend for the weekend. So I decided to take an FRER early so that I would officially know whether to expect AF or not while away. 

 I was NOT expecting the faint pink line.  But it was definitely there there. I have so many mixed emotions. I feel like this time it's so different. Last time I was over the moon excited..this time I am a nervous wreck. I haven't told anyone (other than DH) and I don't plan to. I can't help but have this feeling like this pregnancy won't actually last, and that again, I won't reach the finish line. I keep waiting for the day that I see bleeding. I know that's awful. Do any of you get that feeling? 

Maybe it'll be different once I make it past the week I had my m/c, maybe not. I want to be excited for this little bean..but I can't help but feel this awful dread. 

I need big time advice..is this normal? Will it go away? :( Thanks for reading my story. 

Blessings! 

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Re: New Here, and soo nervous..

  • Las135Las135 member

    First off, CONGRATS on the BFP! Try to enjoy it, eventhough nervousness is taking over.  I felt the same way, with our first positive that ended in m/c we were so excited to see that line, I planned out how I was going to tell my husband so that it was super special.  The second time just wasn't the same, although I was so happy, I was too afraid to let myself get so excited.  I didn't want to feel that hurt, or that feeling of letting down my husband again. He was much better than me, he was thrilled and optimistic. 

    So here I am, 26 weeks carrying a healthy baby boy!!! I still worry about every little thing, but I finally let my guard down at 14 weeks or so, and really started to enjoy pregnancy.

    Sending lots of T&P your way for a happy, and healthy 9months!!

    BFP#1 -3/18/12- M/C 3/31/12,
    BFP#2 -4/25/12, Beta#1 17dpo= 800, Beta#2 20dpo= 3800, Ethan James born 1-5-13

    BFP#3- February 2015- natural miscarriage

    BFP#4- June 2015- Ruptured ectopic, severe hemorrhage and loss of left tube on 7/10/2015

    BFP#5- 12/18/15


     


     

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  • Mom2anAngel2Mom2anAngel2 member

    Congrats on your BFP!!!  What you are feeling is completely normal.  For some, the feeling does fade and you gradually begin to really enjoy the preganacy, for others it never goes away.  I fall in the the latter.  We recently past our loss milestone, but I am still a nervous wreck.  Whenever I do not feel him kicking I go into panic mode. 

    The only advise I can give is to do your best to enjoy the little moments.  They may be difficult, but do your best. 

    Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickersLilypie - (B9PH)

     

    Lilypie - (0YVF)
     TTC since 11/2009; Lap/HSG/Hysteroscopy: 5/2011 (endometriosis - removed; endocervical polyp - removed; high pressure in bilateral tubes - cleared)

    BFP #1: 8/4/11; DS1 born sleeping on 11/16/11 at 19w1d

    BFP # 2: 5/7/12, EDD 1/10/13, DS2 born 1/4/13

    BFP # 3: 11/8/13, EDD 7/17/14, mmc 10wks

    BFP # 4: 5/16/14, EDD 1/15/15, praying for our 2nd rainbow baby 

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  • jbranden12jbranden12 member
    Welcome and congrats! It is tough for many of us to believe we will get to bring these babies home. For some, it gets easier after loss milestones are passed, but others of us have a long way to go and have to learn to live for today. For me, it means knowing I can't control the outcome, but I can do my best each day to love and take care of this baby. I try not to look ahead or worry about what I can't control because it just ruins this day with my baby. I hope that makes sense!


      Our Angel Patricia born sleeping 3/30/12 at 31 weeks
    Our Fighter Anna born early 1/8/13 at 26 weeks
    Hoping to bring home #3 due 9/9/15
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  • DeeC12DeeC12

    Thanks all so much! It's so nice to know that my feelings are 'normal'. I really hope I can get over this and get excited soon :) 

    Thanks for the support!  

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  • centralperkcentralperk member
    Congrats on your bfp. I think we can all relate to the sense of worry and possible dread of a bad outcome again. I try to take one day at a time and not let me thoughts get too carried away. Hoping this is your rainbow baby.
    image
    BFP #1 6.9.12 EDD 2.16.13 Ended in emergency surgery due to an ectopic 6.23.13
    BFP #2 9.6.13  Rainbow born 5.22.13
    BFP# 3 8.28.14 EDD 5.1.15  2nd u/s revealed Twins   m/c 9.21.14 
    BFP # 4 11.27.14 EDD 8.5.15  1 perfect bean @ 6 weeks


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