Overwhelmed & DD Crying...A LOT
steph20830
member
DD is 8 months old & I keep thinking (and everyone keeps telling me) it'll get easier...I'm doubting it. She really is a happy child, but she cries soooo much, morning, day, & night (I always make sure she has a clean diaper on & a full tummy). This morning I had to deal with a mess the dogs made downstairs...she cried for 45 minutes! I felt so bad! I try putting her in her area in the living room with toys & her exersaucer...both to no avail).
When I leave the room she cries (but doesn't always stop when I come back so I feel like this is more than separation anxiety), when I walk across the room (& she can still see me), when I put her down, 90% of the time she wakes up in the morning crying (we've tried putting some soft toys in her crib to distract her when she wakes up to give us a few minutes to get her bottle, etc., but that only works some of the time), she cries when you change her diaper (partly probably bc she is so wiggly & wants to roll over you have to literally hold her down), she cries when she gets lotion put on her after her bath...it seems like she is always crying!
Usually the second I pick her up she stops crying, but I can't hold her all the time. We really don't "baby" her...we let her cry when we need to get something done, but I keep thinking at some point she'll entertain herself for a short while...this has been going on for a good 2-months.
On top of it, she won't nap...on a good day I get 2-3 30-45 min naps out of her (my MIL got a solid 2 1/2 hours out of her yesterday! I'm so jealous). I'm exhausted...all my cleaning/laundry/bottle washing/getting her things ready to go to the sitter/shower/getting myself ready/bills/homework/etc. are not getting done until after she goes to bed (between 6-8 pm) which also means that DH & I have very little time together & it's affecting our relationship. I work 6 hours/day mon-fri & am trying to finish grad school so I have class 1 evening, but DH works 48-hour shifts so those days are especially difficult bc I don't have any relief & we try to give him a day after he gets off to "recover" & he also has class 1 evening. Occasionally I will pay the sitter to keep her for a couple extra hours so I can get an errand ran or something done at home, but money is tight so I try not to do that too often. And forget about "me time"! Lol...I weigh more now than I did after I gave birth to DD bc I was able to go to the gym throughout my pregnancy. I'm exhausted & overwhelmed.
Anyone else deal with an exceptionally needy child? What do you do? Does she just have a super bad case of separation anxiety? How do you find the time to get everything done? Any suggestions you can offer would be greatly appreciated!
Re: Overwhelmed & DD Crying...A LOT
You might be approaching a "wonder week." You can google "Wonder Weeks" to see the books. The idea is that there are fairly predictable periods of cognitive development. Just prior to each "leap," there is a fussy period that tends to play out in a particular way. DD is also 8 months, and we're approaching wonder week 37. DD is much more clingy (particularly for Momma), her sleep has gone down the crapper, she's refusing to let us feed her at all, and you would swear we were putting her in a vat of boiling lava whenever we try to lay her down for a diaper change. I was really impressed when I picked up the book and this was exactly what the book described.
Unfortunately, there's not much advice on what to do to get over the fussiness. But, you can feel better in solidarity with other moms. They have accounts from personal diaries in the book, and some of the mothers mention getting really annoyed with their babies.
Hang in there!
My daughter is the same age, and her sleep has been awful lately. Getting 2+ naps of over a half hour sounds pretty good to me, really. I wasn't sure from your post, but it sounds like your daughter cries when you leave her alone. Mine would too... which is why I don't leave her alone. I take her around the house with me, and she is generally happy as long as she is with someone, and has something to play with.
Honestly, I cannot imagine leaving my daughter to cry for 45 minutes. Couldn't you have brought her with you to take care of the dog? Maybe you need some kind of baby carrier? Also, it sounds like your frustration is not just about the baby. Your job, husband, school, dog, and weight sound like they are contributing to your stress. I think that you might need to take some time to evaluate what you are doing that ISN'T working for you right now, and take action on that. Maybe you do need a date night 1x a month. Or a gym membership. If your MIL is close by, maybe she could help more so you can take care of yourself. If you don't do it, no one else will.
How mobile is your LO? DD2 was awful before she was mobile. She'd grumble anytime I left or put her down, or even if I sat right next to her while she was on the floor she'd get cranky. But really she was frustrated when she desperately wanted to move.
I got to the point of being really frustrated with her, and kind of dreaded her being awake because she just grumbled all the time.
I do agree with pp that you do seem to have some other frustrations too, and it might be worth examining how much they're affecting you and if you can put anything in place to alleviate those stresses.
Elizabeth 5yrs old Jane 3yrs old
I'm sorry you are going through this... I agree with PP that your frustrations seem to be a combo of everything... baby, job, husband, etc. Maybe somehow find a moment to clear your head and reflect upon your life right now. Decide what is the most stressful and troubleshoot ways to reduce that stress.
For your DD, the first thoughts that came into my head were: teething, ear infections, reflux, and frustration at lack of mobility. Could you make a pedi appointment to rule out the ear/reflux issues? I know she is 8 months, so reflux is unlikely at this point, but I actually have a friend who's baby had no reflux issues until around 8 months. He was very fussy and started to spit up a lot. It's a long shot in your case, but I thought I would mention it just in case. Your pedi can also feel around for any teeth as well.
My DD is 7 months and has been almost crawling for a solid 4 weeks now... and is realllllly starting to get frustrated. She makes this whine/grumble sound all day long, and she also flips out when I try to change her diaper.
Hang in there and GL!
I had to blink wondering if I wrote this myself to describe LO... DS is the neediest fussy baby I've ever met next to my niece and nephew who literally cried their entire first 8-12mo. It was nothing the parents were doing wrong, it's just that their LO cried and cried and cried!! Of course, they'd go to the Ped and giggle-giggle-giggle with a "seems pretty happy to me!"...
Hard as it is, remember that it is o.k. for them to fuss it out from time to time (and yes, with the needy babies, this means longer than a few minutes). You can't be holding them 24/7. As long as you've covered the needs (food, drink, diaper, pain, temperature, etc.) there is only so much that you can do. For some babies they really do need to have that fuss time to learn to soothe themselves. I did this with DS when I had just had enough, put him down in his crib to cry it out two days in a row, and ever since he'll put himself down in either the saucer, play pen, or crib for a nap...
It gets easier - they do turn 9 yrs at some point LOL