November 2011 Moms
mama&baby
member
Anyone who last lost a parent...
mama&baby
member
How do you deal with it when someone says your LO only has one grandma/grandpa? I had posted about this awhile back and it happened again today. I think most of it is just me being overly sensitive and MIL using the wrong wording, since I know she doesn't mean to offend me by it (we're close). To me, LO has both of his grandmas-- just one has passed over. I know that technically she isn't here, but for some reason it bothers me when someone says he only has one. Has anyone else dealt with this? MIL apologized for it before when I was PG, but said the same thing today. I pretty much butted in a little by saying "he has two grandmas"... but didn't tell her not to say it. She's getting ready to have a procedure done and I don't want to upset her with anything, and this is a small issue in comparison. So, to anyone who has had something similar, what do you say to people or how do you correct them without making them feel horrible?
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Re: Anyone who last lost a parent...
I guess I would just say "you know when you say that LO only has one grandmother...it makes me sad because LO has two grandmothers but one is just here in spirit. I know you weren't trying to say it in a mean way, but I want LO to grow up knowing he has two grandmothers." Maybe something to that extent.
I never had to deal with this situation since I would probably say the same thing your MIL says. When I talk to people, I would say I have two grandmothers, when in actuality I have 4 the way you are thinking of it. It would just sound funny to me to say to people... "I have 4 grandmothers" when only 2 are still living. I just wouldn't say that to people. I can understand though how people can feel differently about how it is said, so I would understand someone getting upset over it. I think the best way is just to explain the situation and how you feel about it. Unless she is super emotional too, I think she would understand.
Growing up, I had only my mother's father and my father's mother. We were closer to my "Gran" because we saw her everyday (she lived across the street). I remember a few times asking my parents about why I didn't have either grandparent. No one ever mentioned it to me growing up, adults or other kids. If she mentions it again I would ask if it bothers her that your LO has only one grandmother. Maybe then she'll understand that her question is absurd. Unless she's really trying to find out if it bothers you. Not really sure why another adult would ask that kind of question, when nothing can be changed.
I'm sorry that you have lost your mom. I'm sure bringing up your LO reminds you emotionally of your ties to your mom. But it's all up to you to tell your mom's story to your children so that they can in fact have their grandmother with them all their lives. I never stopped having my parents, aunts, uncles and cousins tell me about my grandparents. I may not have ever met them, but I know how happy live was with them here.