Working Moms

Would this bother you? Home Daycare Related

Hi mommas,

I'm in the process of finding a daycare for DS.  Yesterday, I visited a home daycare and I liked a lot of things about it, except for the following:

1. It was 5:30pm when I visited and the dining table still had the lunch food spread out. She apologized about not having the time to clean up that day's lunch yet. This bothered me because there was still quite a lot of food left on the table and I doubt if everything would get thrown out. I didn't ask her at the time but I'm wondering if this would be the same food she'll feed the kids the next day as well. Their lunch time is 12:30 so the food was out for 5 hours.

 2. The diaper changing station was literally 2 feet away from the kids' high chairs. So the kids eat only 2 feet away from where their diapers get changed. Gross, right?

3. She is the licensed caretaker but her husband is her assistant and helps her all day with the kids as well as picks up his own two kids from school and watches over them. He seemed nice but I'm not sure if I'm being sexist because I don't want him to change his diapers. She is the official caretaker and I want her to do it. I don't know anything about her husband but am I asking for too much? Would I feel the same way if her assistant was another female (her sister or her mom)?

Would these be okay with you?

Note: She takes care of 3 other kids and 1 parent was picking up her child when I was there. She raved about the caretaker and said she was really happy with her. Her son has been there for 2 years.

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Re: Would this bother you? Home Daycare Related

  • I think if you have this many doubts, you need to keep looking. You must have reservations about this placeit's ok. If you don't feel comfortable leaving your kid there, it doesn't matter if these concerns would bother us or not.
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  • very true. I'm still searching for a fit.  It just confused me because the other parent who was there was more than okay with the provider.
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  • This is why I just love our daycare center.  Stuff like this woukld never be an issue.  Not saying that all in-homes are like this, but I feel there is less accountability than in a center. 

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  • Yep, the food and the diaper thing would both bother me. 
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  • I don't see an issue with the diaper station being near the food. As long as she's not changing the kids on the food table I don't see how there could be any germ contamination. Plus most in home want to keep the daycare part of their house seperate from "their home" part of the house. This may be the reason for the changing station being where it is.

    I also don't see an issue with the male. A center will also have providers you know nothing about. You just have to decide what's comfortable to you.

    The food thing would irk me a little bit but if everything else checked out I'd probably look passed it.
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  • The food thing bothers me. It makes it seem like she is overwhelmed and there are not enough hands. What else would she not have time for?
  • imageshannm:
    The food thing bothers me. It makes it seem like she is overwhelmed and there are not enough hands. What else would she not have time for?

    this. my in-home DC has a paid assistant that does the cleanup immediately after meals. there is no excuse for not cleaning up, especially if she has help. What was she doing during naptime that still kept her too busy? I eliminated several places because of the vibe there and I didn't like something about it. I ended up with one I love! 

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  • imagewife07mom09:
    look for a center or a nanny and you wont have these sort of unregulated issues


    I work in a center and our changing table is only a few feet away from the table where the kids eat. There are only so many places to put things.

    As far as the food being left out...are they eating the same thing for lunch multiple days in a row? That's the only reason I would be worried.
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  • imagealstumb@gmail.com:
    imagewife07mom09:
    look for a center or a nanny and you wont have these sort of unregulated issues
    I work in a center and our changing table is only a few feet away from the table where the kids eat. There are only so many places to put things. As far as the food being left out...are they eating the same thing for lunch multiple days in a row? That's the only reason I would be worried.
    Our in home dcp has one of two change stations on the kitchen but not near food prep. It's there because it is close tho the sink and there is a spot for garbage/dirty diapers. They have to be able to access appropriate hand washing facilities (ie. the sink) before and after diaper changes. It also has to be a certain distance from the table and counter, etc. the husband helping doesn't bother me either. My dcp's husband occasionally helps - he's had full police clearances done as well. They also have random unannounced inspections as she is licensed. 

    The  food thing would bother me if it was a habit. If it's. It a common occurrence, I'd probably give that one a pass.

  • 1 and 2 would certainly bother me. 3 would not. However, not all states are equal when it comes to accrediting home DC. I assisted at a home DC for several years. We never left food out. That is unsanitary and would certainly count against the DC if the state popped in. Children usually go down for nap after lunch. Why wasn't she able to clean at that time? The bathroom area needs to be absolutely separate from the eating area. This is not something that would pass a health inspection in my state.

    As for her husband. I would see just how thorough the state is with it's accrediting process. If it does a thorough job you should be able to rest knowing he has had a background check and training.

    If you feel uncomfortable then continue your search.

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  • The food thing would bother me - screams lazy and/or overwhelmed to me.  The husband thing doesn't - my in home care providers H has a weird work schedule and is home during work days a couple of times per week and he's great with the kids.  They call him Papa Don :)
  • Go with your gut but REALLY listen to it.  I interviewed an in home where the husband was going to be home all day I got a gross vibe from him.  The very next place I visited was a husband and wife team and I was a little apprehensive because of the previous skeevy guy but I got a really good vibe from this guy.  They were AWESOME and my son loved them.  Your gut can tell you a lot but don't be sexist.  Your husband is  man and he's a good man.  Same for you dad and FIL.  I would argue that you have many men in your life that you feel are trustworthy around children.  Men that you don't know are not automatically creepers.
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  • imagewife07mom09:
    look for a center or a nanny and you wont have these sort of unregulated issues

    Respectfully, we're at a home daycare and we definitely do not have these issues (and it's regulated by the state). It is very organized and clean (changing areas are well away from the food areas).  I can't speak for the male assistant issue as all the caregivers at our DC are female so I don't know how I would've reacted if they hadn't been. 

    I will tell you that when I looked at home daycares, I had reservations about some that I looked at.  Nothing severe but I just had a feeling that I didn't want DS there.  Then, when we found the DC he's at now, I had no reservations at all. I instantly knew it was the place.  Trust your instincts.

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  • imagewife07mom09:
    look for a center or a nanny and you wont have these sort of unregulated issues

    Proper Home Daycares are regulated.

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  • You have to feel comfortable with where you take LO. DH and I looked at two places before the one we love and they just screamed horror. If you have any doubts see if you and LO could spend some time there and see how they interact and such...or just look somewhere else. The food thing is the only one that bothers me. That is just laziness IMO
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  • I'm pretty laid back so I probably wouldn't mind, but I could see how the food thing might bother some.  I have to wonder what it was though, that you thought it'd be used again....??? And for those who said they wondered what she was doing during nap time or what else she "didn't have time for"...I can make a guess that, oh I dunno, maybe not every single kid slept at nap time?  Or maybe someone else needed extra attention so that she couldn't get away to clear the table?  Certainly we've all let something go in order to care for our child in our home and think, she's got several.  Obviously this is a business though, as well as her home, so again - I understand why it would bother some.

    As for the husband, I don't know what the rules in your state are, but here the assistant does have to undergo a back ground check and have a few basic clearances in order to be the assistant.  My children went to a home daycare like this before.  It didn't bother me at all.  It doesn't take  a degree or certification in order to change a diaper so I'm not sure why you are wanting the "licensed provider" to change the diaper.  The only thing I can think of, is her insurance she has on her business covers liabilities for her and any assistants she has, although that really doesn't have anything to do with your concern really...

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  • I say go with your gut instinct on this one. I'm an overly cautious person. I always go with my instinct when it comes to my LO.  I know I wouldn't be able to live with myself if something happened to LO at a DC - if I had reservations about to it begin with.  I'd pick a DC that seemed the best. That way if something bad did happen, I would be able to say at least I thought they were the best choice.  I guess that makes me a bit crazy.
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  • The food thing would definiely bother me.
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  • imagewife07mom09:
    look for a center or a nanny and you wont have these sort of unregulated issues

    There are good at home daycares out there.

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  • imagewife07mom09:

    forgive my bias. I just am not a fan of home daycares for many reasons. I know there are some good ones out there,  

    However after a DCP left children alone in her home a few years ago and some of those children died in a fire that sealed it for me that my children would never be in a home daycare.

    It has been hard enough getting used to a nanny but luckily we have a good one. I do like the checks and balances of our old center 

    Terrible things happen to children in all places all over the world.  The place a child is in the most peril?  Their own home, statistically speaking of course.

    To the OP: if you have  a gut feeling that this is not a good fit for you, that's all you need.  Keep looking 'til you find a place that feels right, be it in home, a center or a nanny/nanny share.

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  • Keep looking until you find the right fit.  
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  • We have a similar situation. Our day care closed with two weeks notice so we were not given much time to find a new one. For our family, I prefer in home day care centers (I respect its a personal choice). The one we choose was the same situation, the wife is the main care taker and her husband is retired and stays home to help. I point blank asked if he does diaper changes and she said no. He is more of a 'lap to sit on' or an 'extra set of hands to fix meals'...if I trust her with my child, I have to trust her answer.

    It did bother me at first, but watching how much my son looks up to 'Mr. Rick' and how they make funny faces to eachother, etc. I am actually happy that he will have a female and male influence all day.

    The food on the table I would ask about as well as the location of the diaper changing. Just have a follow up meeting with her...ask her what is bothering you. See how she reacts. It's a business/professional situation- you are paying her, you are allowed to ask questions. Don't be afraid you will offend her!

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  • imagewife07mom09:
    look for a center or a nanny and you wont have these sort of unregulated issues

    Agree with PPs that proper home daycares are regulated. Also not everyone can afford a center or a nanny. Day care centers in my area can be $2K+ a month. It would make more sense for me to quit my job and stay home.

    OP: Go with your gut. When I was still looking I met with a couple people who were perfectly nice, but there was still something I didn't like about it. I wouldn't have problems with most of what you described, but I'm not you so it doesn't matter how I feel about it. If it doesn't feel right, keep looking.

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