legal separation — The Bump
Military Families

legal separation

my sister who is also married to an active duty soldier, wants to file for legal separation. how does she do this? he is soon pcsing but she would like to stay with me at our current post. also, he is financially abusive so she needs something in writing saying he has to give her X amount of money a month. any info will help. thank you!

Re: legal separation

  • She needs to get a lawyer.
  • I'm guessing he's Army because you said soldier? If this is the case she can start getting money now before ever filing anything legal. When I was going through my divorce I had to go to a brief on base at the JAG office. She should get a set amount of spousal support based on his rank. This is in lieu of any paperwork and if he refuses to give it to her she can go to JAG and they will take it directly from his pay. You may want to ask them about legal separation paperwork. I know on Bragg they won't do it; you'd have to get a lawyer but some bases do offer it.
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  • She needs a lawyer and a job.  She needs to start thinking about the future.  It doesn't sound like she works, so it's time to get a job. She is generally entitled to at least half of BAH while they are separated, but that's it I believe.  With all due respect, I don't believe he should be entitled to pay her a dime if she leaves him, unless it is child support.  If they are separated, it is time for her to start paying her own way. It is unlikely they've been married long enough for spousal support, if she is in a state that still allows that. That shouldn't be a deterrent to her leaving a man she doesn't want to be married to, but she should be footing her own way now.

    Do they have kids?  If they do, she needs to get on the ball because without at least starting the process, he can take the kids just as easily as she can.

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  • image Lissa832:

    She needs a lawyer and a job.  She needs to start thinking about the future.  It doesn't sound like she works, so it's time to get a job. She is generally entitled to at least half of BAH while they are separated, but that's it I believe.  With all due respect, I don't believe he should be entitled to pay her a dime if she leaves him, unless it is child support.  If they are separated, it is time for her to start paying her own way. It is unlikely they've been married long enough for spousal support, if she is in a state that still allows that. That shouldn't be a deterrent to her leaving a man she doesn't want to be married to, but she should be footing her own way now.

    Do they have kids?  If they do, she needs to get on the ball because without at least starting the process, he can take the kids just as easily as she can.

     

    To be fair we don't know the situation. Kinda judgy for you to be all high and mighty about her getting a job and "paying her own way". How do you know she doesn't have one already? What if he's abusive and she needs a place to go NOW? When I was going through a divorce I had a full time job but needed spousal support because I had to pay my own rent and car payment and various other bills now. Oh and my husband cheated on me so it's safe to say I had a right to his paycheck.  And the spousal support is automatic in the Army based off of his rank.

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  • Yes, I was "entitled" to 150 dollars a month. He wouldn't have gotten it otherwise if he wasn't married to me. Plus, he refused to split the property with me. The only furniture I got a was nightstand. I left an emotional and eventually physically abusive relationship. I couldn't afford a lawyer and the spousal support helped me set up my new life. Sure, after the divorce is over she shouldn't get money but even Regulations say she is entitled to financial support until they are divorce. Depending on how long they've been together she could even be entitled to money after the divorce. 

    ETA: To fix stuff. I needed more coffee when I wrote this. 

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  • image hansonam446:
    image Lissa832:

    She needs a lawyer and a job.  She needs to start thinking about the future.  It doesn't sound like she works, so it's time to get a job. She is generally entitled to at least half of BAH while they are separated, but that's it I believe.  With all due respect, I don't believe he should be entitled to pay her a dime if she leaves him, unless it is child support.  If they are separated, it is time for her to start paying her own way. It is unlikely they've been married long enough for spousal support, if she is in a state that still allows that. That shouldn't be a deterrent to her leaving a man she doesn't want to be married to, but she should be footing her own way now.

    Do they have kids?  If they do, she needs to get on the ball because without at least starting the process, he can take the kids just as easily as she can.

     

    To be fair we don't know the situation. Kinda judgy for you to be all high and mighty about her getting a job and "paying her own way". How do you know she doesn't have one already? What if he's abusive and she needs a place to go NOW? When I was going through a divorce I had a full time job but needed spousal support because I had to pay my own rent and car payment and various other bills now. Oh and my husband cheated on me so it's safe to say I had a right to his paycheck.  And the spousal support is automatic in the Army based off of his rank.

    Well, to be fair, it says he is financially abusive. IF she has a job, common sense should warrant her to set up a separate bank account. It is a logical conclusion that she is unemployed. Maybe that is a product of an abusive relationship. Maybe she didn't want to work. The bottom line is that it IS time to start thinking of the future and stop relying on an abusive H.

    If I chose to leave my H tomorrow, I wouldn't expect him to pay me to do it. I would expect fair CS calculated by the state we reside. Otherwise, I would expect nothing. 

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  • image LemonLover33:
    Yes, I was "entitled" to 150 dollars a month. I wouldn't have gotten it otherwise if he wasn't married to me. Plus, he refused to split the property with me. The only furniture I got a was nightstand. I left an emotional and eventually physical relationship. I couldn't afford a lawyer and the spousal support helped me set up my new life. Sure, after the divorce is over she shouldn't get money but even Regulations say she is entitled to financial support.

     

    This. She's going from possibly two incomes to one. It takes a lot to get on your feet on your own and if she is separating yes, make sure she has her own bank account and she'll have to find a source of income.

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  • She should head to the JAG office. They'll offer free law advice and support and that's definitely the best place to start to get an idea of what her next steps should be. 
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