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2u2 and No support b/c DD1 with SN

pandabear12178pandabear12178
in Special Needs

Hello Ladies! I just found out 2 days ago I am having another. Although it was planned for us, my family is completely unsupportive. 

DD1 has a brain malformation. She is about 3-4 months delayed in milestones and is expected to have seizures and be dependent on us for life. But keep in mind they said she would never be able to hold her head up, and she can sit up unsupported!!

Anyway, we made the decision to have another close in age for her to learn from the second. If she is dependent on us, I am worried about myself not always being able to care for her. Her brothers/sisters would surely help out. I know thats thinking way down the road, but I overall felt it would benefit her.

My family seem to think because she has SN I will be taking away from her. They are making me feel like less of a mother. They make comments like "what if IT happends again?" To me that it very offensive. What is IT? You mean my beautiful daughter...? Just makes it come off like shes some kind of mutant. I know it will be a lot of work, im sure 2u2 is no matter what. I guess im just loking for reasurance from people who know what its like to have a child with SN and still be successful with more then one. Its hard enough that my family doesnt support me, but I also get angry about the fact no one has a child with SN and I feel like they have no room to comment.

 Thanks! 

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Re: 2u2 and No support b/c DD1 with SN

  • ridesbuttonsridesbuttons member

    What an absolutely gorgeous girl!

    Sometimes people say terrible things when they shouldn't.  Sometimes they say terrible things when they mean well.

    I, for one, appreciate your rationale.  2U2 is hard (been there...) but parenting an only is hard, having 6 kids is hard, heck...life is hard.  You do what you need to in order to find fulfillment, contribute and live the life you have chosen.

    Best of luck and congrats on your pregnancy!

    promised myself I'd retire when I turned gold, and yet here I am
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  • kcisthebombdotcomkcisthebombdotcom member

    I had 2u2 and both my kids have special needs (albeit mild at this point in time though we're not really sure what's wrong with my youngest besides that she is fairly delayed). When I got pregnant with my second, I had no idea that there was any problems with my oldest but even knowing what I know now I would still have them as close as they are.

    I do think there has been a benefit to my kids because I can do similar learning activities with them and they're both benefitting from them.  Honestly, I think my youngest has learned more language from my oldest than from me! She is very motivated to learn things from him and they are very close. I think it's much more of a blessing than a burden and I bet you will see it that way too. I would leave the negative comments and focus on the positive.

    GL and congrats on your second child!

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  • goldenleavesgoldenleaves member

    You know what they say about opinions....

    We've had people say we should have another baby and people say that we shouldn't. While I appreciate that people care enough about my family to even talk about our family size (and sex life, hello!) I realize that the only decision makers are my husband and I.

    I know it's hard but try to let it roll off your back. We're here for you!

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  • gimmietimmiesgimmietimmies member
    Big hugs to you. Ds was 5 when we had dd, so not 2u2 there, but he practically lived at the hospital when she was born. I didn't expect family to help, but they were far from supportive. I will say that both ds and the girls have benefitted from each other, and we've survived just fine so far. And I tune my family out now, especially when they're being inappropriate.
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  • macchiattomacchiatto member
    We have twins, so we had 2u2 for 2 full years. ;) Yes, having two young children is a challenge but many people handle it. I'm so sorry your family is being unsupportive. I hope they come around soon. One of our boys has special needs--mild to moderate. Although I've had a lot of mommy guilt at times trying to balance both kids' needs, and there were times I wondered if his delays had anything to do with him getting less individual attention ... but his PT commented she does think Alex is much farther than he would be otherwise because he has Will (who has no delays ... and no fear!) as an ever-present peer model. I am glad they have each other. I hope all goes well with your pregnancy and with juggling the needs of two little ones!
    fraternal twin boys born january 2009
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