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May 2012 Moms
ElinJ
member
"Sleep Training"
ElinJ
member
Ugh... So I had decided not to do any type of "sleep training" until he was at least 4 months old. He was actually a pretty good sleeper for weeks 9-12, before I went back to work. But with me returning to work, and him reverse cycling, then picking up a cold at daycare, approaching 4 month wakeful, etc, etc, his sleeping has gotten worse & worse. I was finally beginning to think he was ready to learn to self soothe, but had always felt I wouldn't do CIO of any kind.
Well, at his 4 month Dr's appointment, when discussing sleep, she emphatically encouraged us to let him cry, each night it would get better, and in just a few nights he'd be fine. So I researched the Ferber method, and decided we'd try. I really trust our pediatrician, and she's very highly regarded. To say the very least it did not go well. The thing is, when you're supposed to go in the room and soothe him without picking him up after intervals. Yeah, that does not soothe my child. It just pisses him off more. I tried 2 nights in a row (for HOURS), and all I ended up with was a hoarse, clingy, pitiful baby. It made me physically ill to my stomach, and very very sad & depressed. I felt like an awful mother for putting him through that. Both nights I tried, after hours I finally threw in the towel, and held him. We both cried. Even when I finally picked him up, he continued to cry a sad, desolate cry I've never heard before. My heart was broken.
Either that method is not for us, or he's not ready yet. Please, is there anyone out there who has had a similar experience? Did anyone else's Dr push this method?
I ordered the book "No Cry Sleep Solution", so I'll be reading that. It's not that I care about him waking up at night, or even that I mind rocking or nursing him to sleep, I cherish every moment. But, I want my child to develop the ability to self soothe, and I don't want to inhibit this.
*Not sure if there's a connection, but from weeks 8-12 he HATED the car. He screamed EVERY TIME we went anywhere. At first it didn't matter if someone rode in the back with him or not. The only thing that would calm him is if we stopped, and took him out to hold. He does much better now, but is often only content if one of us is back there with him, and even still he might have a crying fit that is only soothed by stopping & being held. I guess I'm stupid to think he'll learn to self-soothe, when he's pretty darn hard for us to soothe sometimes!
This discussion has been closed.
Re: "Sleep Training"
We aren't doing CIO since LO sleeps through the night, but I'm not against it at all. I think it can be a lifesaver for some families.
I think the problem is you do CIO once they baby CAN self-soothe, not to teach them to self soothe. We all know our babies better than anyone, and if you don't think he's ready for CIO which he obviously isn't, stick with your gut.
((HUGS)) I know how frustrating sleep issues can be. For weeks my LO was sleeping great. However, three weeks ago we hit the three month growth spurt/wonder week/early four month wakeful all at once and it was awful. All of a sudden she went from only getting up once to every two hours or every hour and having a rough time going back down.
I don't judge anyone who does or tries CIO. However, I know that I would not be able to emotionally handle it. If my doctor told me to do it I would politely tell them no. A respected doctor can have a different opinion then yours it does not make them right and you wrong if you disagree. There are many different ways to handle your situation and you do what is best for your family.
I love the No Cry Sleep Solution. I have not started any of the things they suggest yet since they tell you to start by making a log of their sleep. I plan on doing this tomorrow and tomorrow night. The one thing I got out of it already though was to adjust my expectations. Babies who STTN at this age are the exception and not the rule and it takes some practice for them to self soothe. There will always be bumps in the road. I haven't even started any sleep training and she is already doing better just because she is getting out of the growth spurt. She already is down to three wakings on her own. She used to self soothe great by sucking her thumb but all of a sudden that didn't settle her down because she got overtired so easily. Now she is back to being ok with going down drowsy and putting herself to sleep.
Wow this got long! Good luck to you! I know this is frustrating but hopefully you find something soon.
I was going to say something similar. We did sleep training with DS1 because it was right for him, his personality, and he was ready. We did it at about 6months though. I wanted him to be able to put his own pacifier in and to sit up, crawl around, etc to get comfortable.
We had already seen him self soothe on a number of occasions so we knew he could. It wasn't about forcing him to self soothe but teaching him when to use those skills.
Good luck!
DS2 was a pacifier baby and was waking every 2 mins b/c he spit it out and wasn't sleeping at all. He was miserable. We did CIO with him at about 6 months (per our pediatrician's recommendation). It worked great and took one night. That was it - every day after that he has been a great sleeper and is a very happy kid. However, I do believe that every baby is different and what works for one will not work for another. Either hold off and try it again in a few more months or try something else that makes you feel more comfortable.
My baby, too, has always hated the carseat. He has just recently started to in
So, he just recently started improving because I will give him a bottle in the car and he fell asleep in the car without any fussing a few days ago which was UNHEARD of in the paSt.
Personally I agree with others and I think that some babies may take longer before they learn to self soothe. My baby would also scream even harder during check ins while we tried sleep training.. I just don't think he understood. Anyway before I accidentally hit post again, I just wanted to sympathize be because your situation seems so similar to mine.
Honestly from all my reading here it seems like all LO's sleeping habits change so much I would rather just go with the flow for now.. But we'll see if that changes when I start back at work Monday.
I'm so sorry you went through all that with CIO. I think that pedis mean well, but babies are not one size fits all.
We have been lucky that our babies are good sleepers and they have always been able to self soothe well. They have been sleeping 10-12 hours a night since they were about 8 weeks old.
Anyway, this is what I have to add... I have read that babies develop object permanence at ~6 months old. Until they develop this they don't understand that just because they can't see something that doesn't mean it no longer exists. Until they develop that awareness they think you cease to exist when they don't see you. For me (and this is just my own personal belief and feeling), that makes it seem a bit cruel to CIO before 6 months. Once they are old enough to understand that I just went in another room and they aren't alone and scared it will be different.
As I said before, all babies are different, but we won't be even attempting CIO until 6 months, and even then I doubt I'll be able to do it. The only way I can see us doing it is if it becomes apparent that they are being manipulative, but I don't know exactly when all that comes into play.
Right now we do a bit of fuss it out, but if that fussiness develops into crying then we immediately go get them. My heart can't handle it when they cry.