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Toddlers: 24 Months+
An almost 3 yr old...I need advice!
My DS brought me to tears today. Granted, we have a lot going on right now (just had another baby almost a month ago) but his behavior was like this before the baby came. However, since it was really the only thing I need to focus on, it was manageable. Now, since I am spread thin, I am losing my patience.
His biggest issue seems to be doing tasks (washing hands, meal time, diaper changes, bedtime, nap time, leaving the park, leaving the museum, etc.). When I tell him its time to do something, he turns into a puddle on the floor. Its exhausting.
Today, at Panera, he told me he wanted a pumpkin cookie. I told him I would get him one but he couldn't eat it until he ate all of his grilled cheese. So, what did he do? Have a tantrum about eating the grilled cheese (mind you, we were still in line to order and didn't even have the grilled cheese yet) and then told me to take the cookie away. So, I said "fine, I will take the cookie away" and then he flipped out that I took the cookie away (well, i was holding it in the bag the whole time).
Its exhausting to deal with this everyday. I feel like we aren't doing something right because his behavior has been like this for months and months. I realize he's at "that age" but I am going out of my mind. Any advice for this mentally drained mama?
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Re: An almost 3 yr old...I need advice!
uuugghh...I think this age is tough. My sweet girl is turning a bit too sassy lately too, and I feel the need to get it under control before we add a sibling to the mix.
With your example at Panera, I would just get the food to go and tell him we have to go home if he can't act nicely. I would also save the cookie, and tell him he can have it another time when he is ready to act nice/follow the rules.
At home, just try to not give attention to tantrums and instead teach him better ways to behave. Sometimes my daughter just needs to cry or scream, so I've told her it hurts my ears, but she can go down to her room until she's ready to be quiet/nice. I really can't believe it worked for her, but it did. At first, I would have to carry her down there when she was having a tantrum, now she just goes on her own, usually even before she starts crying.
You can even just practice how to behave and listen/follow directions at home in a playful/ role play kind of way. Like, when I ask you to wash your hands, you will say ok mommy.
Hang in there mama, it can't be easy with a newborn and little sleep:)
This is what I would've done:
At Panera, you leave. You explain to DS why you're leaving. You let him know that you guys can try again another time, and hopefully he will sit nicely, eat his sandwich and then enjoy his cookie with you. That's what makes us happy.
DS1 isn't really going through this, but rather the opposite. It's a trial sometimes to get him to move on from one thing to another. So, I set up the timeline. I let him know that we're going to play legos for 10 minutes, then wash our hands, then eat lunch. Then, I tell him that we're going to nap after lunch. When we're nearing the end of legos, I remind him that it's almost time for hand washing. While we're washing hands I remind him that lunch and nap time are ahead. I just try to set him up so that he knows what to expect. I also throw in some behaviors I'd like to see... like, while we're eating lunch I'd like him to try all of the food on his plate.
Good luck! I know it gets frustrating.
I've noticed that since he has been able to communicate so much better he gets even more frustrated when his requests are not granted. Now he knows all the rules and he knows I understand him.
It is frustrating. I tell him to take a minute and think about what is going on here, cause usually I'm not even denying him what he wants. I have him tell me again what it is he needs/wants.
At other times when the answer is no, I just stick with it and don't give an inch. I noticed the tantrums are getting shorter, but more dramatic, ahha. If he can't control himself at all, I time him out nomatter where we are. I look stuipid I'm sure but I don't care. That usually calms him right down and sometimes a break is what he needed anyway.
The positive reinforcement is working a lot right now, with the thank yous, and me saying I need help and praising him for doing well. Or like other pp said describing what you see. Like "I see a boy who is frustrated" "I only see one brother helping pick up, there should be two"
Natural M/c 12/13/08 at 8w5d
Like pp I would have been inclined to leave, BUT I would have given LO a chance. In that I would have said words to the effect of, "Well if you want to have the cookie, you need to eat the sandwich, it's that or nothing (because I've said, "it's that or nothing" since she was tiny, and she knows I mean it)" and 99% of the time LO calms down. If she hadn't I would have stepped out of the line and that would have been the end of it.
She would have cried and grumbled, and I would have said, "I'm sorry you're upset, but I told you what your options were." and we would have kept on moving.
However, i think this works with DD1 because a) she's pretty cruisy and b) I've responded like this since the beginning so she's used to it.
It is exhausting dealing with a toddler and newborn. My issue is that DD1 wants me to do EVERYTHING for her, which whilst she's happy to wait until I'm done with the baby it's exhausting for me.
Could you try letting him problem solve eg, "we're going to eat lunch soon (or something else he'll enjoy) what do we need to do before that can happen? and if he can't think of the answer go through, do you think we need to wash our hands...look at my hands they're all grubby, I need to wash my hands...what next?"
"Or we're leaving the park in 5 minutes, what would you like to play on before we leave?" so turn his attention to what he can get done.
Elizabeth 5yrs old Jane 3yrs old
We go through this in waves. I found that when he's tired it is the worst. Like someone else said too now that he can communicate exactly what he wants, he gets so angry when he doesn't get his way after explaining it so well.
We went through this last night. I was making cupcakes for his bday party, daddy was doing the gift bags so DS was hyped up excited and wanted everything. We understood this is the first time he's understood his birthday and party..so we let him go. Then as he got more tired he DEMANDED juice. After so many glasses I finally said..no that's enough. Oh melt down city. The rule is if you cry (for other than getting hurt or something) he has to do it in his room. I kept putting him in his room and after the 2nd time I went in there and he was playing away and forgot he was even mad. I'm pretty stern..I kind of take a "i'm just not putting up with it approach" and he settles down we talk about it. Its rare for him to have reocurring melt downs.
I've started being much more stern with him. I think my DH and I are guilty for having "empty threats". But, we now know this and will try and avoid this.
I really appreciate this great advice!!