I need encouragement. Re: Med-free birth

Unem · September 2012

This whole pregnancy I've been looking forward to labor and delivery. I knew it would be painful, but I didn't care. I couldn't wait to experience giving birth. I had energy, motivation, enthusiasm, and a huge desire to go the natural route, knowing that no matter how painful it was at the time, my reward would be so much greater.

I no longer feel that way. I'm so tired and so tired of being tired. I'm terrified of going into labor right now because I honestly don't think I can do it. If I weren't going to a birth center, where pain meds aren't even an option, I'd be all for getting an epi as soon as possible. I feel so detatched from this baby and I'm scared that I'm already starting to feel resentment towards it. I know I'm not even 41 weeks yet, but I've simply lost my desire to be strong. I don't care about having a natural birth experience anymore, I'd prefer to just sleep through it.

I felt this way a few weeks ago after I crashed from a nesting high. I started to feel normal again after a few days, and I'm hoping I start to feel normal again before I go into labor, but it seems like I feel more and more depressed each day.

Has anyone else experienced this?

Unem · September 2012

TheAnne:

Is it too late to go to the hospital for the birth? I needed the epi badly.

However, millions of women get through natural birth and do great. You will be surrounded by people at the birthing center that are trained to help.

Not really, the birth center is associated with a hospital and a few doctors so if I need to be induced or have a c/s, all of my records will be on their files. However, we'd be paying for the birth twice, since we've already paid our birth center, so financially, it doesn't make sense.

LILBIT1221 · September 2012

I'm so sorry. I felt this way with Noah it's miserable. Keep your head up. And kick anyone who says 'it will be over soon' or 'once your baby is here you'll forget all about this.'

Holly_1007 · September 2012

I could have written this post myself. I'm mostly depressed with my body that I haven't gone into labor yet, but its discouraging my entire natural birth plan. yesterday was way worse than today, I'm starting to pump myself up again. I had a long talk with DH about how disappointed I am in my body right now, and nervous I will cave and get drugs and he reassured me that everything will work out.

I wish I had some other suggestions, I've been trying to read some natural birth stories to get my mind back in a better place, have you been doing the same?

Unem · September 2012

holly71087:

I could have written this post myself. I'm mostly depressed with my body that I haven't gone into labor yet, but its discouraging my entire natural birth plan. yesterday was way worse than today, I'm starting to pump myself up again. I had a long talk with DH about how disappointed I am in my body right now, and nervous I will cave and get drugs and he reassured me that everything will work out.

I wish I had some other suggestions, I've been trying to read some natural birth stories to get my mind back in a better place, have you been doing the same?

No, but that's a really good idea! Thank you!

mrsbhk22 · September 2012

I feel so much for you. I could have written this too. After two preterm babies with craptastic epi/pitocin experiences, I was so excited to go the natural birth center route. Here I am 40 weeks just wanting it to be over. I'm almost to the point where I don't care how she comes out. I just keep hoping that when real labor kick starts, I will get excited and motivated again.

It's hard to imagine it right now, as I lay on the couch feeling sorry for myself because my whole family has had the flu this week.

Hang in there. I just keep telling myself that a 40 weeker will be bigger/stronger/able to eat more thus a better sleeper. That's what keeps me going.

Unem · September 2012

Wow, thank you so much. Just knowing that I'm not the only one going through this makes me feel so much better.

I hope we all get the motivation again as soon as it's go time for us!

stella_blu · September 2012

I had a rough L&D experience with DD with an epi I didn't want and a NICU stay. I'm trying really hard to stay positive this time and understand that I'll do what it takes to get the natural birth that I want but also be flexible if things don't go the way that I want. I've also been frustrated that this little guy hasn't come yet. I know I'm not even to my due date yet but I was really hoping to have him early. I'm working hard on relaxing now as well as doing all of the silly old wives tales to get him out. I'm listening to the birthing affirmations from hypnobirthing and they seem to really help calm me and get me in the right frame of mind. Here's a link https://archive.org/details/HypnoBirthing with the mp3s. Might help? I also did accupuncture a couple of weeks ago and I think that help me let go of some of the anxiety.

drubie · September 2012

allierhiana1:
I'm sorry youre going through this! I hope that once you're in labor that the excitement will kick back in. I hope you still try to have a natural birth, I felt a huge sense of accomplishment afterwards.

This. I will also add that the more I thought of it less as being painful, and more on that it was intense, I was able to cope much better.

Cooper611 · September 2012

Sorry to hear that you re feeling so discouraged. I was able to have a med-free birthing experience and I think the most important part about making that experience gratifying is trusting in yourself and your body to labor well. Continue to tell yourself that your body is doing exactly what your baby needs it to, whether it's 7 days overdue or 10... Being over due is so hard on the spirit but trust in yourself to labor well, because you are amazing.

bosha711 · September 2012

I'm sorry you're feeling this way! I know for me, with my first pg, once I went into labor, adrenaline kicked in & I got excited! I was nervous of course, but became really focused on the directions the nurses were giving. Before I knew it, DS was here!

With DD, I was pretty detached my entire pg, but yet again, once labor started, adrenaline kicked in. While I did get an epi, it had no time to take affect. If you had asked me before if I had it in me to go med-free, I would have told you "no fcking way!" But I had no choice & I did do it. So try to trust in yourself that you are strong enough & you can get through the L&D. And hopefully you have a good support team that will coach you through everything. GL!

blindvictory · September 2012

Hang in there, Unem. Trust me, when you go into labor, a whole new bunch of hormones kick in and give you the motivation to get your baby here, no matter if you have to go natural or not. I managed to make it through hours of Pitocin contrax before getting an epidural because the drive to do it the way you planned really goes into overdrive.

You can do it! And even if you do end up changing your mind and going for a medicated birth, getting your baby here safely is the most important thing.

ETA: I hope I didn't come across as unsympathetic. I didn't feel the same before labor, but after hours of laboring, I definitely felt the same. (I think I actually said to my mom, "I don't want to do this anymore. I just want him out.") It's a sucky feeling.

numb3rMel · September 2012

blindvictory:
Hang in there, Unem. Trust me, when you go into labor, a whole new bunch of hormones kick in and give you the motivation to get your baby here, no matter if you have to go natural or not. I managed to make it through hours of Pitocin contrax before getting an epidural because the drive to do it the way you planned really goes into overdrive.
You can do it! And even if you do end up changing your mind and going for a medicated birth, getting your baby here safely is the most important thing.
ETA: I hope I didn't come across as unsympathetic. I didn't feel the same before labor, but after hours of laboring, I definitely felt the same. (I think I actually said to my mom, "I don't want to do this anymore. I just want him out.") It's a sucky feeling.

i couldn't have said it better.

Unem, you have a great support system and your center will help you every step of the way.

terri_doula2010 · September 2012

I'm sorry you are having such a rough time. Try to go easy on yourself and just see what happens when you go into labor. Once labor begins, try to clear your mind and focus on the task at hand, instead of all the waiting beforehand. This just happened for me, maybe it will for you as well?

Also, remember that you chose the birth center not just for the med-free aspect but also for the environment overall, and you'd be losing that if you go into the hospital.

I had a pain-med-free birth (except for tylenol) and I think it was a good experience. I'm glad it worked out so well for me. See what labor is like for you and if you find that you just can't cope with it and you need meds, then transfer to the hospital...but you may find that you don't need them, especially in a birth center environment with lots of support.

kristyand · September 2012

I felt exactly as you described in your first paragraph always... up until the last two weeks of being pregnant and with each passing day, and passing sleepless night I grew so worried, and scared even of going into labor. I was so afraid I wouldn't be able to do it. I had always imagined going into labor energized and ready to give it my ALL and I felt like I went into labor a very exhausted, defeated version of myself. And yet I remained completely dedicated to delivering her intervention/med. free so as to give us both the best possible recovery I thought that I possibly could. So I went into my labor not having slept more than three hours maybe in the previous three days and yet I made it. Your body will have SO MUCH adrenaline running through it that you WILL make it through your birth. It hurt SOOOOOOOO much more than I ever imagined it could, and yet during my labor I was simply thrilled to be IN LABOR. For freaking finally! She was on her way, there would be an ending. It's the waiting stage that you're in that just takes it all out of you. And then all of a sudden, when it's happening, there is this overwhelming realization that the end is near (despite what you think 12 hours into the most painful contractions ever). It does end. He/she will come out. It does work (much to my surprise). And I'm so thankful that I was able to birth her as I did. While of coures I would have just been happy with a healthy baby and a healthy enough me, I really wanted a med. free, very active birth, both for myself, and for her. You can do it! Really. Promise. Just listen to your practitioners, trust them, and trust your body. It knows what it's doing.

Oh and reading other med. free births really was helpful in preparing me. If you're interested I've written up my birth story (it's super long as it includes all my thoughts that speak to what you're going through that I didn't want to forget) and I'd be happy to share it with you.

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