Supporting Others while trying to get pregnant — The Bump
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Supporting Others while trying to get pregnant

My husband and I have been ttc for a little over a year...we have a two and half year old son and thought we would get pregnant fast because we did with our son which obviously isn't the case. Many of our friends and family are getting pregnant. I am finding myself being happy for them but trying to avoid them. I am even ashamed to admit I even cried after one of my friends told me. My husband and I are now in the processes of figuring out what is our issue is so we can get pregnant again. I know when it is time we will be blessed again but in the mean time it is hard to be so positive or supportive of others around me. Any suggestions?

Re: Supporting Others while trying to get pregnant

  • I can relate. We conceived DD month one. Working on the second for almost two years. I try to minimize time spent around them. Having a plan to get pregnant we did IUI this month helps a lot. It is hard but I hope my day will come. I hope yours comes too. And I hope tests can shed some light.




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  • I hide from pregnant friends like the plague. 2 years of trying and 5 losses in a row makes me  honestly just not care. I know that's terrible and I sound like a horrific friend but its just the best I can do. I think it is totally normal and you just do what you need to do for you. 

     ((huge hugs)) 

    MC 4/09 at 6w2d 
    Rainbow Jude 
    born: 12/31/09
    Pre-E Induction at 36w4d
    11 Day NICU stay due to GBS infection

    TTC#2 10/2010
    M/C: 4/09/11 5w
    CP: 12/26/2011 
    CP: 1/28/2012 
    MMC: 4/16/2012 at 11w2d 
    Ectopic: 6/25/2012 MTX 07/03/12
    CP 11/24/2012 
    Rainbow Violet 
    born: 9/11/13

    All ALers welcome! 
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  • It can definitely be difficult and the whole process is so stressful and saddening. You basically go through a grieving period every month. I really found that being honest with my situation helped people have a better understanding of how I was feeling. After I told our families, I was basically an open book about what we were going through- but only if people asked. Some people were more sensitive, others weren't, but that's just human nature.

     

    i hope you find some answers and figure out a coping method that works for you. But give yourself a break that it's just not always that easy, and it's ok to cry and feel sorry for yourself once in a while. 

    Met: 1/21/2005
    Married: 6/27/2008
    DS: 3/14/2010 Planned, PG first try
    M/C 6/2012
    DD: 4/22/2013 Planned, UnDx Infertility, PG on our own
    BFP: 10/28/2016 Unplanned, HUGE SURPRISE! 
    M/C 12/12/2016
    BFP: 10/27/2017 Unplanned, HUGE SURPRISE
    EDD: 7/2/2018


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  • I am in the exact same position as you got pg with DS almost immediately, been trying now for over a year. Every time I find out that a friend is preggo, I have a "you have to be flippin' kidding me!" moment or day but then really do my best to put that behind me and be happy for them. It is hard but allowing yourself that time to be mad or sad or whatever kinda helps.
    TTC baby #2 since July 2011, DX: low AMH
    BFP 1/21/13, blighted ovum m/c 2/12/13
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  • I can relate.  It's hard to see friends enjoying a pregnancy-- especially if it was a pregnancy that was easily achieved.  Like someone else said, each month can bring a new grieving period, so it's hard.  Like pp, I have found it's easier to be up front with friends and just tell them about our struggles.  I've found that they are more sensative when they know what we are dealing with and they may understand why you are withdrawing at times. The only thing that I try to remember is that other people's fertility has no bearing on my own, so it's out of my control-- might as well be happy for a friend.

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    Love, luck, and prayers to my BFPB Dr. SnowflakeBride

  • I find it depends on who's getting pregnant. I told a girl last October that we were trying again and it was taking much longer than the first time around (took us 2 months with DS) and by that time we'd been trying 4-5 mos. She has a DS same age as mine. She insisted she was totally fertile and they were waiting until Jan to try again. What happened? Knocked up the first try and baby is due in a few weeks. That was hard to take. I have to fake a smile around her.

    But another friend tried for at least a year or 2 before finally getting pregnant. She's in her 2nd tri and it's much easier to be genuninely happy for her.

    I think you just have to grin and bear it. It's hard to justify jealousy but that's what it is. And we know that it's wrong.

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

    TTC #2 since June 2011
    Dx: low AMH, potentially blocked tube
    April-May cycles 50mg Clomid: BFN
    June-July cycles 50mg Clomid + Ovidrel + Progesterone: BFN
    Aug cycle 7.5mg Letrozole + Ovidrel + Progesterone: BFN
    Sept cycle 100mg Clomid + Follistim + Progesterone: BFN
    Oct cycle Clomid + Follistim + Ovidrel + IUI: ?????
  • Thank you all for your advise I feel a lot better that I am not alone. I did feel like a terrible person for feeling the way I do. It is strange because my sister in law is pregnant with her first and I couldn't be happier for her but my friends that are I just an so jealous. I have found that focusing on other things such as working out,school and my family are really helping. Also telling myself it will happen when it is suppose to. Thank you all for the uplifting words.
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