Intro ticker warning

mcarter127 · September 2012

I wasn't sure if I needed to put a warning or not for my ticker for our DS 1 I haven't had the energy to change my ticker for DS 2.
Here goes, I apologize if this is jumbled, I've been up for 24 hrs now. I also hope this is the right place to post. I know it's for later losses but I wasn't sure if that meant past viability? I certainly don't feel like I belong on the m/c board so I really hope Im not offending anyone here...
After a very complicated, high risk pregnancy our lo was born this morning at just 22 wks 4 days. He survived for a little over an hour but was too small to be resusscitated. He was absolutely beautiful and I just can't believe he is gone this is our reality.
I have been a SAHM since DS1 was born but prior to that I was an ob nurse. I have supported many patients through later losses but never thought I would end up on this side. It was comforting to already know most of the support staff though.
I don't understand how the rest of the world just keeps on going while our little family has been rocked to the core. I know I should be exhausted but I can't sleep. Earlier I dozed off with DS and when I woke up I forgot for a split second that our baby was no longer tucked safely in my stomach. I think Im afraid to fall asleep again let that feeling hit again. There are moments when I cant stop crying then times when I should be crying but the tears won't come.
Last Friday I was doing research to find the best nicu that could take him if he came at 24 wks. 3 days later we are choosing a funeral home, discussing cremation and being sent home from the hospital with a memory box.
I have heard you ladies are very close I hope you don't mind me joining you, I know that nobody wants to be part of this club. I am so sorry for all of your losses as well and I hope this was the right place to post.

fluttergirlmoonchild79 · September 2012

I am so sorry for your loss. You are definitely welcome here. No one ever thinks it will happen to them. Be gentle on yourself and just feel what ever you feel. Did you name your lo? The ladies on this board are simply amazing. We're all here for you for whatever you need. Wishing you peace and love as you begin the most difficult journey.

dandywarhol · September 2012

I am so sorry for your loss and that you have to be here. You are most certainly welcome here though we hate to have to welcome you considering the circumstances. Be gentle with yourself. Grief is like a roller coaster and no matter what you think or say or feel it is ok. I hope you can find some comfort here. {{hugs}}

tuscanbride2007 · September 2012

I am so very sorry to welcome you here. The ladies on this board are truly amazing and they have helped me through some tough times. As the other ladies have said, be gentle with yourself. Grief is funny and just when you think you have everything "under control" it will all come crashing down again. This "new normal" sucks, but know that you are not alone.

((HUGS))

ILoveRedVino · September 2012

I lost my perfect boy 6 weeks ago.

I am so sorry. No one should have to make the decisions that you're being forced to make. Nothing anyone says is going to make this better... You just have to live the reality. In time, even jut weeks, the pain will become less. I don't think it'll ever go away, but you will smile and breath and relax again.

Take your time on making some of the decisions. Not everything has to be done right away.

Again, I am so sorry.

karebear57 · September 2012

I am so sorry for the loss of your son. I was 25wks when we found out we lost our dd. It was so, so, very hard in the beginning. Being here, with all of these wonderful and amazing mommy's has been so helpful. Don't get me wrong, I still have a hard day (or 2 or 3) But as time goes by you start learning how to live this "new" life of yours. We are all here for you whenever you need us. I am so sorry you have to join us. (((Big hugs)))

jbranden12 · September 2012

*ticker warning*

I am so sorry for your loss. If you feel comfortable sharing your son's name, we would love to know. I totally understand the disbelief that the world continues to spin when we have suffered such a loss. Sunday will be 6 months since our Patricia was born sleeping, and back in March I couldn't even imagine myself 6 months out. Somehow, we keep breathing and walking, one foot in front of the other, one day at a time.

As the other ladies have said, there are no "shoulds" with grief. Let yourself feel whatever you need to, post as often or as little as you like. We are here for you.

Kris721 · September 2012

***ticker warning and pg mentioned****

I am so sorry for your loss. I know it all seems like a bad dream. I couldn't even talk to the funeral home. My DH did it all. I have no idea how he did it. Every day is still a roller coaster, especially now that I am pg again. I wish no one had to experience this kind of tragedy.

OSUWifey09 · September 2012

I am so, so sorry for your loss. My son was born sleeping five weeks ago, and even though I'm in a better place now than I was at the beginning, I still have a lot of bad days. This board has definitely helped me, though; it's hard that we're all here because of our losses, but it's been a comfort to be here with women who know what it's like and can offer support in ways no one else can. I'm sad you're here but glad you found this board. *hugs*

yosemitemom · September 2012

Welcome and I am so sorry for your loss. We lost our second daughter at 21 weeks in June of this year. I don't feel like I fit in anywhere on the bump, but the ladies on this board have been incredibly insightful and supportive (we found out at 21 weeks that our daughter had a severe/fatal brain malformation and we terminated for medical reasons). This journey through the grief has been the most difficult experience of my life. In the very early days, I couldn't sleep and I didn't cry very often. I'm not sure if it was shock or how I dealt with my grief in the early days, but the tears did come eventually. Again, I'm so sorry for what you've lost.

mcarter127 · September 2012

Thank you so much for all the kind words for welcoming me so warmly. It is comforting to know that I am not alone in all this.
We named our baby boy Eli, he weighed 14 oz and was 12 inches long. He looked absolutely perfect. NILMDTS came took some professional pics. I am so grateful for this as well as the pics pics our nurse took. Im sure we'll treasure them forever.
Thank u again and Im sure I'll be leaning on this group for support as the shock wears off.

dandywarhol · September 2012

mcarter127:
Thank you so much for all the kind words for welcoming me so warmly. It is comforting to know that I am not alone in all this. We named our baby boy Eli, he weighed 14 oz and was 12 inches long. He looked absolutely perfect. NILMDTS came took some professional pics. I am so grateful for this as well as the pics pics our nurse took. Im sure we'll treasure them forever. Thank u again and Im sure I'll be leaning on this group for support as the shock wears off.

I'm comforted to hear that you were able to get NILMDTS and your own pictures of Eli. I know I cherish the pictures of my daughter and am so thankful that I have them.

mdluv21 · September 2012

I am very sorry for your loss - this is def. the right place for you. Sending you lots of healing thoughts and prayers for the coming weeks/months. ((hugs))

tracint · September 2012

I am so sorry for your loss. I too lost my beautiful baby at 21wks 4days. It was a terrible experience to say the least. I wish I could give you words of advice and comfort, but I'm struggling these days... I can say though, that you are definitely not alone. I may not know exactly all that you have had to endure but I can assure you that I can understand the pain.

saying a prayer for all of us today and hoping that we can each find the comfort we need. Best of luck

jlcrhw · September 2012

I am so deeply sorry for your loss. I lost my daugther Isabella at 26weeks. We knew at 20weeks that she had a very slim chance of survival. We did our best to prepare ourselves for what was going to happen without losing hope. But nothing could have prepared me for the loss of my daughter.
The ladies here are wonderful. I hope you find the same comfort here I have. Remember to be gentle on yourself. Big Hugs

lmielocl1 · September 2012

I am so sorry for your loss!! We lost our DS2 at 18w to a cord accident in June. I too have a DS1 who is almost 2 years old. Please know that you are not alone!!

Thinking of you and your sweet baby boy!!

buggirl72 · September 2012

I am so, so sorry for your loss. On Saturday, we lost our son at 20 weeks. He too survived for a little over an hour. We are so thankful for that time with him and for the wonderful OB support staff that was with us throughout most of this ordeal.

a&aw12707 · September 2012

I am so so sorry for your loss. Welcome to the board. I hate that we have to be here, but this is a wonderful place full of support and others who know what you are going through. Please be gentle with yourself and know that what you are feeling is completely understandable. You have every right to grieve in your way, in your time.

weddedwife · September 2012

I replied to your post over on HR but wanted to offer my condolences here as well. I'm so sorry you lost your son. I lost mine at the exact same gestation, but he died moments before delivery. He was beautiful. It was heartwrenching.

I don't think any of us ever expected to be on this side of a loss like this. It was certainly the furthest thing from my mind. I didn't sleep for over 48 hours after he was born. I just stared into space all night. Every morning for weeks I woke and for a split second forgot I wasn't pg anymore. It was devastating all over again, again and again.

We left the hospital without our baby- the worst feeling I've ever had. We drove straight to the funeral home to choose an urn. Unreal. For months when I drove past the hospital I wanted to throw up.

Losing my son was hands down the hardest thing I have ever been through. My life has changed; I am changed. Every relationship I had is now different. Losing a baby changes you forever as a person and it takes months to figure out who this new person is. You will likely not like this new person in part, or in whole, for many months- and that's okay. Give yourself time to grieve, think ugly thoughts, be angry, etc. Everything you are feeling is normal.

I too have an older child and it was extremely difficult to parent in those first few weeks. She saw me cry- a lot. It could not be hidden. I just explained as best I could and allowed her to see what grief is. I think in the long run she will be a better person for it. Your routine with your older child will likely be in disarray for some time but eventually you will get back into a rhythm.

I hope you find as much support on this board as I did. Feel free to PM me any time.

pottermommy · September 2012

Ticker warning*

You are absolutely in the right place. I am sorry to have to welcome you here but you are right, we are very close. I love many of these women more than I do people IRL. You are one of us and we always have a warm spot on a comfy sofa for our family.

I am so so sorry for your loss, there is nothing that compares. Everything else pales afterwards. I wish you peace and hope in these minutes, hours, and days comming up.

Please lean on us if you need to, for the most part unless we are talking directly about our living LO's or a rainbow baby/pregnancy you don't have to post a ticker warning, we do it when greeting a new member out of respect but you are one of us and we are always happy to see that you have a bright spot on an otherwise dark horizon. All my thoughts.

butterfly2119 · September 2012

I'm so sorry for your loss. Everyone here is very nice and caring. Your still at the very beginning. I couldn't sleep probably for the first 6months. I cried all the time. At the very beginning I also would forget for a split second if I was able to get in a short nap. I had even made the mistake of telling my older girls to be quiet the babys sleeping. I would forget that she wasn't around anymore. Just be very easy on yourself and if you ever feel like venting this is the place to turn to. I wish you the best in your grieving process.

Mrs Nice · September 2012

***Siggy warning***

I am so sorry for your loss of your baby boy! You are absolutely in the right place. I hope we can offer you some comfort and support. You are not alone. Please be gentle with yourself. Big hugs!

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