Ultimatum

bigbear · September 2012

Need a vent and am announcing my ultimatum to DH.lol

I will go easy on him this week as his grandmother passed away and obviously this isn't the time for any "battles" but something needs to change very soon as it's been going on for too long and it's starting to affect DD, my work, my mood etc.

So I've already planned out my next step. To make a long story short but give you a back story: We carpool and we NEVER get to work on time. And by that I don't mean we are 10 minutes late, I"m talking 30 or more minutes! Needless to say it's not that great at my work when I can't stay late to make up my time either. More importantly, it takes away from our time with DD after work. By the time we get off work, drive to my moms that is a 45min - 1hr commute and get DD home it's close to 7.00 pm!!! So the one meal she's supposed to have with us is at almost 8 pm which is too late (her bedtime is supposed to be 8-9)so then I just have my mom feed her. And I"m noticing already that she's not really too excited about eating on the weekends with us (unless it's chicken ) So as much as I know teething and other milestones are playing a big roll in sleep regression and other difficulites, this crazy schedule isn't helping either.

What fursrates me is that I get up at 5 am, get ready, get DD fed and ready, feed the dog, prep lunch, and in the evening I do the laundry, clean,wash bottles etc and put DD to bed most of the time, while DH gets up around 6 am, takes a 25minute dump (no joke!), a half hour shower, a 15 min dressing session and a 10 minute dog run and we leave the house at 7.30. sometimes later!

We've had many many discussions for years now and he's just not willing to improve which in my mind is lack of responsibility, appreciation for my efforts and lack of mautirity.

So, if he doesn't improve (i'm giving him a week to see a difference) we will start driving separately, he will have to find a way to get the extra income for gas and parking expenses that will double, and he also will start doing his laundry, prepare his lunches etc. I think it's time for him to realize what I do, what he does and how things impact our life.

I may sound like a total btch but I'm fed up.

Ok done.

phdprocrastinator · September 2012

Dude, at the very least he should be getting up earlier. It's not like jobs are falling off trees right now and you can risk being chronically late to work. And yeah, he should be doing 50% of the house work if you guys are home exactly the same amount of time. My husband does more than yours and I'm home 2 days a week!

ETA: I just realized that my last sentence may sound like I'm bragging. I'm not! I just mean that your husband needs to step up. I'd go crazy doing everything even with staying home more than him, I can't imagine working full time and doing everything.

jnickers98 · September 2012

I'd be fed up too

mscarmenhawkes · September 2012

I understand. i get up at 6am to start my job (babysitting) she gets there at 7 so i get up clean up from his mess do the dishes then she gets there i have to feed her. then try to wake him up at 7 to get to work at 9 sometimes the times changes, but he will get in the shower a hr before he has to be into work. then takes a hour long shower omg, i have always hated that. then i have to get his lunch together and lay his work clothes out and sometimes start the car to get it warm all while I'm taking care of 2 babies. because then my child gets up and i have to feed her then let them play which is a sharing pushing feast some days. and i have to do that all day. then he gets home and wants me to cook and clean up from the two babies, by then I'm worn out. then he gets home late from work and wants to stay up until 1am. i always end up falling asleep on the couch with him watching tv.

i had to tell him durning a fight that he just does not get how hard i work too. i told him every little thing i have to do. i said lol i make it look easy, which i know i do because its always done when he gets home so he thinks its not a lot if i can get it done in one day. no my friend with practice i have learn to but its still not easy i still to this day will be shock if i could clean the whole house in one day and not 2 weeks.

he of course got it after that since he hates cleaning to begin with. i think you should just stop and let him see how hard it was again. sometimes they have to see it to believe it. he might not even need a week lol just 2 days lol. i say go for it. I'm mean i wouldn't even tell him after we have a talk about it one last time don't change the next morning cool just do it and come back home and say i told you something had to change you didn't want to i so i did. hey give it a shot sometimes you got to shack them up for it to get through.

raefre · September 2012

Gosh. It takes your DH longer than me to get ready in the morning. As for the 25 minute dump, get rid of the reading material and hide the cell phone! (just teasing...unless those are the real reasons it takes 25 minutes to get off the toilet.)

We had this problem with doctor appointments (not as important as work); the solution was (as others have already suggested) getting up earlier, especially DH.

It was never a real sit-down conversation but more of me being perpetually anxious as we were driving to the ped's office, physical therapy, the helmet place. I think my anxiousness drove DH to try to find a solution.

Does he know this upsets you?

bigbear · September 2012

Thanks ladies! Its good to know that somebody is on my side.

The cell phone definitely is a big issue on the can. But even without it it takes 20 minutes. One day it's not enough, the other it's too much fiber. WTF! LOL

And he most definitely knows how annoyed and bothered I am by it. I mean I have to "NAG" every goddamn day to make him get moving! He just doesn't get it. He is so selfish and stubborn that he'll want to get his way regardless of whether he's right or wrong. It's ridiculous!

So like I said, I didnt want to get too crazy about it this week but I already mentioned it to him yesterday that things need to change. I told him that if he really can't change his morning routine, as disappointing as it would be, we'll have to find another alternative then. But he needs to look me in the eye and tell me that he can't/won't do it and why. I told him I can't play along anymore as it's affecting my time with DD and that just doesn't fly! He didnt' say much and this morning was better, but not anywhere where it needs to be. So if by Monday things aren't the way they should be i'm pulling the plug. I won't tell him much either I'll just start doing my thing. Just like he does now....

Thanks for letting me vent!

dizzycooks · September 2012

I've gotta say the toilet bit made me ROTFLOL. Seriously. My DH is the SAME way and it also takes an additional 10 minutes to brush his teeth. Then he needs to floss. Seriously. It pains me. We haven't been late yet, but I do everything. He is literally responsible for dressing himself and pouring our coffee in mugs. Then I make him carry everything to the car. Lol. It's rough being a hubby sometimes

Seriously though, good luck. It sucks when it doesn't feel like both partners are pulling their weight.

DH commented that he hates mornings around our house (I'm sure my nagging and anxiety don't help) and I just said, 'yep, me to. I am open to suggestions.' And then I went back to finishing up my 2 million things.

bigbear · September 2012

dizzykates:

I've gotta say the toilet bit made me ROTFLOL. Seriously. My DH is the SAME way and it also takes an additional 10 minutes to brush his teeth. Then he needs to floss. Seriously. It pains me. We haven't been late yet, but I do everything. He is literally responsible for dressing himself and pouring our coffee in mugs. Then I make him carry everything to the car. Lol. It's rough being a hubby sometimes

Seriously though, good luck. It sucks when it doesn't feel like both partners are pulling their weight.

DH commented that he hates mornings around our house (I'm sure my nagging and anxiety don't help) and I just said, 'yep, me to. I am open to suggestions.' And then I went back to finishing up my 2 million things.

UGH! I guess pooping can be rough LMAO

Foster1Mom · September 2012

Being late is just disrespectful to everyone. I would be p!ssed as well.

fyrefairie · September 2012

I time my hubby in the can (strictly empirical...I like research) Longest has been 75 minutes. Average is 30. Theres the phone, the tablet and the e reader. But if I flip my lid on poop time he gets all sanctimonious about colon health or something stupid. I told him if he'd rather hover over festering *** while playing angry birds than help his wife and child out, he can move into a sewer and I'll rent out a room to someone whose colon health doesn't monopolize the day.

Brit's Luna154 · September 2012

fyrefairie:
I time my hubby in the can (strictly empirical...I like research) Longest has been 75 minutes. Average is 30. Theres the phone, the tablet and the e reader. But if I flip my lid on poop time he gets all sanctimonious about colon health or something stupid. I told him if he'd rather hover over festering *** while playing angry birds than help his wife and child out, he can move into a sewer and I'll rent out a room to someone whose colon health doesn't monopolize the day.

OMG. ROTFL. Like coffee out the nose laughing. Causing a ruckus in my cubicle farm.

My H is this guy. He spends on average 90 minutes per day, over three sessions, on the toilet. I must use the festering sh!t line on him. He has beat all of the versions of angry birds and has now moved onto the Simpson's game. Ugh. He was like this since way before there was an iPhone, I don't think there is any breaking this habit. For years he has had a special 'bathroom laptop' because he doesn't like 'contaminating' (his words) other computers by using them in there. ::Eye roll::

bigbear · September 2012

Brit's Luna154:

fyrefairie:
I time my hubby in the can (strictly empirical...I like research) Longest has been 75 minutes. Average is 30. Theres the phone, the tablet and the e reader. But if I flip my lid on poop time he gets all sanctimonious about colon health or something stupid. I told him if he'd rather hover over festering *** while playing angry birds than help his wife and child out, he can move into a sewer and I'll rent out a room to someone whose colon health doesn't monopolize the day.

OMG. ROTFL. Like coffee out the nose laughing. Causing a ruckus in my cubicle farm.

My H is this guy. He spends on average 90 minutes per day, over three sessions, on the toilet. I must use the festering sh!t line on him. He has beat all of the versions of angry birds and has now moved onto the Simpson's game. Ugh. He was like this since way before there was an iPhone, I don't think there is any breaking this habit. For years he has had a special 'bathroom laptop' because he doesn't like 'contaminating' (his words) other computers by using them in there. ::Eye roll::

O.M.G.!!! Both of you are cracking me up!!! You'd think (and hope) they'd get a rhoid from sitting on the toilet so long. But no such luck! LOL

bigbear · September 2012

Brit's Luna154:

fyrefairie:
I time my hubby in the can (strictly empirical...I like research) Longest has been 75 minutes. Average is 30. Theres the phone, the tablet and the e reader. But if I flip my lid on poop time he gets all sanctimonious about colon health or something stupid. I told him if he'd rather hover over festering *** while playing angry birds than help his wife and child out, he can move into a sewer and I'll rent out a room to someone whose colon health doesn't monopolize the day.

OMG. ROTFL. Like coffee out the nose laughing. Causing a ruckus in my cubicle farm.

My H is this guy. He spends on average 90 minutes per day, over three sessions, on the toilet. I must use the festering sh!t line on him. He has beat all of the versions of angry birds and has now moved onto the Simpson's game. Ugh. He was like this since way before there was an iPhone, I don't think there is any breaking this habit. For years he has had a special 'bathroom laptop' because he doesn't like 'contaminating' (his words) other computers by using them in there. ::Eye roll::

O.M.G.!!! Both of you are cracking me up!!! You'd think (and hope) they'd get a rhoid from sitting on the toilet so long. But no such luck! LOL

Brit's Luna154 · September 2012

Any way for you to go on a business trip for a week and let him deal with the day to day chores on his own? Also, does he respond to data? My H was slacking big time for the first few months, so I made a process map of our day with takt times for each activity. I color coded the map in pink and blue to visually communicate how many more things I was doing, then also added the takt times to empirically show that I was spending 90 minutes more per day (interesting that this is his approximate bathroom usage, huh?) doing baby-related tasks than he was. He is a data driven sort of guy, so this really spoke to him. He has stepped it up big time since then.

bigbear · September 2012

Brit's Luna154:
Any way for you to go on a business trip for a week and let him deal with the day to day chores on his own? Also, does he respond to data? My H was slacking big time for the first few months, so I made a process map of our day with takt times for each activity. I color coded the map in pink and blue to visually communicate how many more things I was doing, then also added the takt times to empirically show that I was spending 90 minutes more per day (interesting that this is his approximate bathroom usage, huh?) doing baby-related tasks than he was. He is a data driven sort of guy, so this really spoke to him. He has stepped it up big time since then.

I've never thought of that! Maybe if I did lay it out in facts (he is definitely all plain facts) so this may work! Your are full of good tips today! :P

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