Sick child/sick days - guilt

Izabella22 · September 2012

We use a center and I know in general they are more strict that in home care, but I was just wondering if other working moms have the same dilemma I do - I'm home today day 2 with DS. We made it to DC yesterday in time for him to projectile vomit all over both of us, so needless to say I took him home. He hasn't vomited since but instead we've moved to diarrhea (oh joy) - he seemed ok last night but this morning after my shower he pretty much exploded... so we're home. I have pretty much no sick time left b/c of STD elimination using up my time and my HR screwed up and used my vacation time so I'm pretty much out of that too. Everytime DS has a sniffle I'm so paranoid about bringing him into DC and getting "the call" - I know it happens and I certainly don't want to take a sick child to DC and risk infecting other kids.... but I do need to go to work too. DH staying home isn't really an option and we have no family around. Anyone else deal w/ this? Taking care of DS when he's sick is of course my #1 priority, but I feel guilty for not being at work.

ASmallWonder · September 2012

I guess I wonder why DH staying home "isn't really an option." It sounds like it's not really an option for you either but someone has to. You can also look into sick care. Personally if my son was truly feeling sick I'd want to be home with him but if he was home waiting out the "24 hour rule" and was really no longer sick, I might be ok with using it.

jcath · September 2012

My girls have been sick since they started DC in August. I've used so much sick time it's ridiculous. A sick baby is the priority. I do try to work remotely when the girls nap. Can you just have an honest conversation with your boss and say I'm sorry about this but obviously I can't take a sick child to school and how can we work together to make sure I'm getting stuff done?

BabyNewbury2012 · September 2012

Our daycare called on tuesday, our daughter had a fever, turns out from an ear infection. I stayed home with her that afternoon and yesterday and the hubby is staying home with her today. We too have no family around, none in this country so we have no choice but to take turns.

We too have sent our daughter to daycare with runny nose and cough unless she has fever or is completely miserable then she would stay home. To be honest if I had to keep her home with a runny nose, she wouldnt be there any days.

Good Luck! Hope you LO feels better!

ChicagoWeded2007 · September 2012

My job provides subsidized back up child care. So if the baby is sick and cant go to daycare they have a company that will send a nanny to our house. BUt it does cost about $5 per hour or something. It's a great benefit but I'm surprised more places don't have it. I haven't used it yet but I know people who have.

maddie789 · September 2012

I get like that. The only PTO I have used all year long has been staying home with a sick kiddo. I do split the sick days with DH though. We both dread when DS gets sick - obviously because we don't like seeing him sick, but also because we feel guilty missing so much work. I am lucky enough to be able to somewhat WFH when he is sick, and my manager has never given me a hard time for it, but I think it is natural to feel a little guilt.

Izabella22 · September 2012

My boss doesn't mind that I'm out, she's incredibly supportive. I just feel like I"m in a place of wanting to be a good mom and take care of my boy, but I feel like I'm a crappy employee for not being there. DH is in the middle of a project so him staying home right now isn't an option, we work for the same company so its understood why I'm the one who stays home right now. Its just tough.

I'm glad I'm not the only one who sends LO w/ snifflfes, seriously if I kept him home for ever symptom on the "sick child" list in the DC handbook I'd be paying them for nothing. I know the first year is the worst and we've got a way to go before his immune system really gets going but ugh... just feels like its every other week we're doing this.

Huh, subsidized sick child care? That would be nice!

rubber_chicken · September 2012

I'm not sure where you live, but if it's near an urban center you might be able to find backup care. Bright Horizons offers backup care for companies that sign up (maybe you can convince your HR that this is a benefit worth having?) and there are companies like Parents in a Pinch that will send a nanny to your house.

mexicolombiana · September 2012

I work at a small firm and we don't have a "set amount" of sick days or anything, it's just the honor system around here. I stayed home yesterday with 2 kids with fevers but I too felt guilty staying home and not working because it IS a small firm and my boss gets really busy when I'm not there. Anyway I know it's silly to feel guilty since obviously our kids come first, but still.

I came back to work today and the girls still have slight fevers so I feel bad now not staying home.

jf198400 · September 2012

Does anyone really use sick child care? I have left my sick child with my mom or my aunt, but I cannot imagine leaving a sick upset child with a total stranger. That would make me feel like a horrible mom. Screw work.

DaisyJanie · September 2012

jf198400:
Does anyone really use sick child care? I have left my sick child with my mom or my aunt, but I cannot imagine leaving a sick upset child with a total stranger. That would make me feel like a horrible mom. Screw work.

I haven't, I'm pretty sure my DH or I should always be able to stay home and cover it. But, there are plenty of instances I wouldn't feel bad for using sick care - lots of times he's been too sick to go to daycare, but clearly feels fine. Like he had an eye infection, and he couldn't go back to school for 24 hours after starting antibiotics, but he was in a totally good mood. We had fun that day, I took him to the beach.

EvenAngelsFall · September 2012

rubber_chicken:
I'm not sure where you live, but if it's near an urban center you might be able to find backup care. Bright Horizons offers backup care for companies that sign up (maybe you can convince your HR that this is a benefit worth having?) and there are companies like Parents in a Pinch that will send a nanny to your house.

DS attends Bright Horizons, so I just wanted to clarify that while their Back Up Program is wonderful and unique... it is NOT for sick children!!!!

ns1 · September 2012

You're not the only one! We also don't have family nearby, and I have very little sick/vacation time due to using it for maternity leave and the times I've had to stay home with LO. DH also has used up most of his time too! We also keep DD home when necessary (of course), but there are those days where I think I'd love to stay home with her just to help her get some extra one-on-one and good rest in, but it's just sad that I can't!

Izabella22 · September 2012

I live in semi-rural new england so there really is no backup care unless I sought out in-home (which is still unlikely around here) and I hate the idea of leaving him with anyone when he's sick - DH and I managed to split the day today, although he's missing a wrap up meeting that he shouldn't but... oh well. I just wish there could be some resolution that didn't make me feel like I'm leaving someone in the lurch or not being a good mom. I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels the same.

zinkyn14 · September 2012

jf198400:
Does anyone really use sick child care? I have left my sick child with my mom or my aunt, but I cannot imagine leaving a sick upset child with a total stranger. That would make me feel like a horrible mom. Screw work.

That's how I feel as well. I hate to say it, but it would be nice if there was some kind of political moment out for this. Maternity leave is great, but where I am from I had to burn all of my sick/vacation/personal time up to get it. Once I get additional time, my DH and I will alternate when LO is sick.

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