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Baby Showers
house warming/engagement etiquette ?
I know this is baby showers but I'm just curious....I never had either party so I'm not sure. Friends of ours are having a combined house warming/engagement party. The theme is "stock the bar" you're supposed to bring a bottle of wine or something for the bar..glasses, ice bucket, wine, alcohol. Does this go along the same lines as a diaper raffle, book for card, etc kind of thing? It seems a little side-eye to me...
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Re: house warming/engagement etiquette ?
I think these parties are silly. We are all adult and most of us have wine glasses, etc. However, "stock the bar" seems to be a pretty common house-warming theme for a first time home-buyer.
I give it more of an eye roll than a side-eye.
Your side-eye instinct is correct. For the same reasons its rude to host your own baby shower (gift-giving event), it's generally frowned upon to host your own engagement party or have a housewarming party designed to get gifts.
In both cases, gifts are often given, but shouldn't be expected. Having a themed combination party where guests are told what kind of gift to bring the host is inappropriate.
He's the single greatest thing I've done in my life and reminds me daily of how fun (and funny) life can be. He's turned out pretty swell for having such a heartless and evil mother.
~Benjamin Franklin
DS dx with celiac disease 5/28/10
LOL...I've never gone to a housewarming party that was NOT hosted by the owners of the new home. I think it would be weird to have something like that hosted by someone else.
When we moved into our new home we had a housewarming...matter of fact it was connected to what came to be our annual BBQ. Probably 1/2 the people brought a small gift (bottle of wine, garden decor, candles, etc). I dont' think I've ever gone to a "party" where I took NOTHING, especially if it wasn't a potluck type of thing. We will be going to a Halloween party next month (same people every year) and I will be taking a bottle of liguor with a wrap that says "Bottle of Boos" (thank you pinterest). To me it is a courtesy thing.
I completely agree. If I were hosting a housewarming party for myself I would not send formal invitations and would not request a specific type of gift. As a guest I would definitely bring a small gift but would like the option of choosing what I think is appropriate.
1/12/13 DD was born
4/9/16 DS was born
9/17 CP
6/23/18 BFP EDD 3/4/19
As a house-warming, that's not NMS, but it's also not really the same as the diaper raffle thing. Around here at least, a house-warming is typically like a shower, which means guests will want to know what to bring. Having a "theme" is like having a registry, except instead of offering a list of gifts from a particular store, you indicate a *type* of gift you would like. The "stock the bar" thing is common when young couples have a couples shower instead of the traditional bridal shower (which might have more girly themes like lingerie).
I *would* give this a thumbs-down if they have another shower later AND invite the same people. Multiple showers are only okay with a brand-new guest list each time...
Housewarming is always hosted by the owners. Stock the bar is a lot more common theme than you think. Although I have never heard of having registry attached to it. I have been to one and it was a lot of fun, and most of the drinks was consumed at the party and everyone enjoyed trying new drinks or bar snacks.
Seriously? I agree. The side eye is warranted.
I honestly don't see the point behind giving gifts at an engagement party. That is what the shower is for. I guess I could see why you would want to get together and celebrate the engagement, but I would not ask for any gifts much less put up a registry.
As for housewarming, I see "themes" as ok but I would not expect to see a gift registry for a housewarming party. I actually knew someone who did that, and I couldn't help but roll my eyes.
I agree with all of this. I usually bring a small gift to a housewarming or engagement party, but if the couple is hosting their own, it's just rude to ask for/expect gifts- especially with a theme. If someone else were hosting, I don't think I'd side eye the theme as much.
I was giving them the benefit of the doubt on the housewarming thing, but now I'm with you on the side-eye - they get a side-eye at the very least!
First off, wow, expecting presents at an engagement party? Fail. You may get gifts from some close friends and family at the party or for the general occasion, but you do not indicate a registry on anything, ever, in that situation. Most engagement gifts will not be off a registry, but rather will be something personal, something engraved, something handed down or carefully thought out by the giver. They are not obligatory but personal.
Second, a registry for a house-warming indicated on the invitations? Triple yuck. Just having a registry for that occasion at all is wow, but being so blatant about it... I partly could blame Bed Bath and Beyond (and the like), because I guarantee you they spend a ton advertising "house-warming registries" and recommending registering for engagement gifts (in order to boost sales), but on the other hand, people are responsible for not giving in to embarrassing, tacky ideas in advertising.
Good instincts on this one, OP. I totally agree with feeling icky about it. I think I'd skip the gift myself as a statement, but that's just me...
I was talking to DH about it and he agreed that it's completely ridiculous especially since we aren't even invited to the ceremony for the wedding, I didn't even know that tid bit! So no there's no way they are getting 3 expensive gifts from us (engagement/house warming, bridal shower, wedding). they are getting a nice house plant for their house warming lol.
Hmm hard to say. My instinct would be yes, but I dunno... then you could get into the debate on whether or not they should be throwing their own engagement or housewarming party and that kind of thing.
Back when I did my engagement party I was young and had no knowledge of ediquette or anything. I invited my wedding party and my parents and grandparents and I did it via facebook. I did the same thing for the housewarming. I didn't expect gifts for either even though now I'm on the other side, I see how they'd be implied. When my aunt asked me what we wanted as a housewarming gift I said "Oh! Gosh, nothing, I just want people to come see the place and I'm making lunch for everyone". I didn't know it was a gift thing.
This one's hard for me to answer one way or the other. I do think it's kind of side-eye ish to expect gifts and to dictate what those gifts are. But that's only because when I had mine I wasn't expecting anything but company.
This exactly! My parents threw us a lovely engagement party and had it catered with super yummy food and lots of drinks. A few people brought little gifts-mostly champagne and wine, which we opened and enjoyed with everyone!
We didn't have a housewarming party, but is it standard for someone else to throw it for you? seems weird
wait wait wait.... You're invited to the gift-expected engagement housewarming party, but you don't rate an invite to the wedding? Unbelievable. They're essentially saying that they want your gift but you're not good enough to make the cut for the wedding.
Might I suggest poison ivy as an appropriate houseplant?
you're a better person that I am.....i would bring the beer nuts
major eye roll to all of this. we have some friends that did something like this. they got engaged and moved into a new house they were RENTING and had an engagement/HOUSEWARMING party that was so obviously for the gifts. needless to say, we did not attend.
Baby C - 08.23.13
Perhaps this is regional but, in NYC, an engagement party is very much a gift giving event. I would never even think of attending without an envelope inhand. I do realize that we do things differently here. ETA: Registry information would NEVER be included on or with an engagement party invitation.