Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
Re: I don't want to do this again....
Statistics are a misleading thing. Maybe you're 3xs more likely to die/have blood clots from another c-section. The reality is that statistically, it's extremely rare to die during childbirth--only 16 people out of 100,000 will die. That's far less than 1%.
I wouldn't make a decision out of fear. There are benefits to vbac and benefits to a RCS.
I am right there with you. I never expected to have a c-section. Was induced, got to 10cm, pushed for over 2 hours. Cord was wrapped around twice and she was on her side, brutal. Although everybody (everyone who hasn't had a csection) says 'oh don't worry, look on the bright side.. look at your beautiful baby" my response is always, OBVIOUSLY... but I had a different vision of how everything would happen. In fact I didn't even read about c-sections while pregnant because I just never thought that was going to be me.
I too had a not so fun recovery... leaking incision for almost a month, post partum pre eclampsia with so much swelling and high blood pressure. I wanted to do a vaginal birth and sometimes I do feel like the whole "birth experience" was robbed a bit for me. Anyway, I asked my doctor about VBAC and he too scared me with things like your incision may rupture, endangering your baby...blah blah blah... and now I feel like I will always be a c-section mama. Which is fine I guess... but some days I think about it and get a little upset.
I would say do whatever you're comfortable with...worst case you end up having a Csection again. I know many people who have done VBAC's with no problem- I haven't met one personally.. but I know they're out there.
It sounds like you were given a c-section because of baby's expected size? A doctor who does that is not likely going to be supportive of VBAC. If you want to try for a VBAC, you need another Dr.
My first was also 10lb 4oz, my second was 10lb 15oz. Both were c-sections but with the first I did labor for 27 hours. The kid was just not coming out. I was glad I made the decision to do a repeat section because DS2's head was/is HUGE (off the charts) and it probably would not have worked for me.
But then, my cousin delivered an 11lb 3oz baby with three pushes, so you really never know!
I just wanted to say your current doctor is not likely going to give you an unbiased opinion.
1%. That's the chance of a uterine rupture. 1%. And a rupture does not = death.
You should have asked him what the risks of having a RCS are. They are worse than a VBAC. That normally shuts up the docs.
Do some research (ACOG is a great place to start) get yourself loaded up with info and do back guns blazing.
If you think a VBAC is still in the cards for you (which it is, the size of a baby is a terrible reason to force a mom into a c/s or a RCS)... then getting a second opinion or getting a new doctor might be a good idea!
Good luck.
A uterine rupture happens in less than 1% of all VBAC attempts. Only 5-10% of those uterine ruptures are catastrophic. If it's important to you, switch doctors. Ask for recommendations from friends, find someone who is willing to work with you or at least review your records to see if you're a good candidate for a VBAC.
There are also risks to c/s - both the first time & each subsequent time. Those risks may increase with each c/s, I don't know - I don't bother to read statistics, because they're basically meaningless, especially without knowing quite a bit about the study that the statistics came from.
Ultimately, there are risks/disadvantages & advantages to whatever you choose. And you don't have to make a decision right now.
FWIW, I had a scheduled c/s with DS for medical reasons, had an incredibly easy recovery, and elected another scheduled c/s for this one.
I would not make a decision this early in your pregnancy. Can't you just see how this baby grows? If baby is smaller, maybe you could try for a VBAC?
If not, you will be ok. Risks are reduced when you are educated, which it sounds like you are (walking early reduces risk of DVT, things like that).
DS born via unplanned C-section at 40w6d
Your doctor is trying to scare you out of a VBAC. He is overstating the risk of VBAC - RCS and VBAC are both reasonable options. With every CS, your risk of complications goes up, and your risk with subsequent pregnancies after multiple CS go up, too. So if you want to have more than two kids, doing VBAC is safer overall.
If you are serious about planning one, find a new doctor.
Good luck!
DS2 - Oct 2010 (my VBAC baby!)
This! I asked my dr because I legitimately wanted to know so that I could feel like I was making the best most informed decision. She stopped talking and essentially ended the appointment.
The next dr I spoke to was beyond supportive of a VBAC even telling me that as a 2nd time mom I had a better chance of a successful VBAC than FTM.
I chose to schedule a RCS for many reasons, but one of the big ones is that I don't want to go through 18+hours of labor again to end up in a c/s again. That is important to me - you need to decide what is important to you and make your decision from that starting point.