- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
Special Needs
Princess_Lily
member
I'm at my wits end...help?
Princess_Lily
member
I'm having behavior problems in my 3yo this week, and I'm not sure if this is normal 3yo outburts or not.
95% of the time we have done the "timeout method" (1min per age of child). For the past week he has been obstinant, to me, to teachers... Saying, "No!" "You be quiet mommy!" "Go away." He is either really friendly, or outright mean within minutes - I'm exhausted. When he doesn't want to do something he totally melts down if told to do so...I do not believe in spanking a child, I have tried that method (1 spank on tush per age), and I just don't have it in my heart to do that.
On his good days (we've had many recently) we give him a choice of X or X and he will choose which way he wants. We pick and choose our battles, etc. We have been consistant in the timeouts, and have very clear rules in place. He's been pretty good...
However, for the past week or so we have all done the same things, and there is total defiance.
As an example, lets say we're at a park and he is holding a stick I want, I say, "May I have the stick please?" On a good day, he will say, "Okay," and hand it to me. For the past three days, he will say, "NO!" and turn so I can't take it from his hand. Even if I remind him that we share, he ignores reasoning altogether. Just now we walked nicely to his roomfor "quiet time," but as soon as he heard the words quiet time he ran off saying no. So...I picked him up and placed him back down in his room and explained what is expected of him (quiet play). Reluctantly he did so.
This week I want to run from my parenting obligations, because its just too darn hard. The OT said that this is actually a behavior issue and not a sensory issue...she saw his recent bad behavior.
What would you do in this case? Take the stick from his hand, pick him up and put him in the car? They showed me how to "make" him walk, hold underneath his pits, but since he is 40lbs, that way is causing him marks.
there have not been major household changes in this past week - except for dropping the paci 100% three days ago and starting OT last week.
As I said there are sensory & speech issues, however I don't want his dx to be a free ride for him to be bratty...does this make sense?
This discussion has been closed.
Re: I'm at my wits end...help?
It could be the paci and OT combined. With Chris's screaming fits (see Brag post), they picked up right around the time he switched from his ABA center to pre-school. There were a few changes going on at once and it almost felt like that was the only way he knew how to handle the changes - by acting up.
Now that he's getting used to his routine, he's been able to self-regulate a little bit better.
Maybe the OT can suggest some self-regulating techniques that you can work on with him?
Pretty much every professional involved in DS's life recommend positive discipline in dealing with behavior problems.
Tips on implementing it can be found here:
www.ahaparenting.com
I know there's a few good book recs on this subject but I have yet to read it. Hopefully someone can chime in with them.
It sounds like pretty typical toddler behavior, IMO. But I know how tricky it can be to always be second guessing...is this just typical behavior issues or is this an OT or speech or xyz issue? I don't ever want to assume the wrong way-- assume its behavioral and find out that he really had something else going on that would make it SO hard OR assume its OT or something related and let him get away with having terrible behavior.
The only reason I say it sounds typical is b/c it was like a lightswitch for DS- he sounds very similar in that he went from being a pretty well behaved, sweet, obedient child to yelling at me, telling me no, turning into the limp noodle, etc. This happened like overnight and it has been a tough week- I had my first experience of having to completely leave a store (full basket and all) because he was having such a break down that trying to calm him down there was not working. DS also has sensory issues and speech delays so I get the difficulty there too.
I would say that I am going to go with my most tried and true parenting adage of consistency is key- I am trying to remain consistent in time outs, in how I deal with situations, etc. I have been consistent and it got better, albeit I am sure it will rear its ugly head again b/c he is a toddler after all and they want to assert their independence but it sounds like you are doing the right things- hang in there! Also, it always help me when our OT/ST/PT can see DS have his episodes in front of them- I have worked with ours for a while and they are great discerners of what is typical behavior stuff vs. something else. If OT says behavior, keep consistent and if you don't see improvement in a month or a few weeks then consider other alternatives.