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Getting time that's "owed" to you

ldooldoo member
in Single Parents

Yesterday my girls were supposed to be with their dad, but he offered to let them come out of town for the day with me to see my dying grandfather.

He wants them today instead, specifically overnight (which my 4yo does NOT want to do).

Question: When you have to switch it up like we did yesterday, do you typically go back to your normal schedule the rest of the week? Or does the parent who missed out have to get a makeup day with the kids?

(No, our divorce isn't final, so these things are just now being discussed.)

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Re: Getting time that's "owed" to you

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    preggersin2011preggersin2011 member

    When I was young my dad often swapped his Wednesday night dinner for another night. LO's father has had to work late occasionally on his nights so i've swapped with him. I think it can go either way depending upon how it is written. If he didn't show up, then he might have to forfeit his time but he let you take the children for a certain reason. Usually its all in the same conversation and it probably depends upon your relationship too. 

    "hey, i can't make it tonight i'm stuck at work can you go get her?"

    "okay do you want to pick LO up tomorrow?"

    "i'll pick her up tom" or "i can't at all this week, can i do two days next week or get time this weekend"

    "sure, LO misses you" 

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    yinyang124yinyang124 member
    I agree with PP. I think swapping days ocassionally is fine, especially if you are on good terms with the father. I also agree that you should let him take the kids. He offered to give up his scheduled time for you in a family emergency. He didn't have to. As far as your 4 year old not wanting to go, my stepson frequently pulls this when it's time to go back to his mother (he's the same age). We gently encourage him to be accepting that it's time to go and let him know that he is loved and missed, but we'll see him very soon. He's getting better at understanding. 
    Lilypie Premature Baby tickers
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    keychain01keychain01
    I would say that you should do this because he moved stuff around for you. And why wouldn't you want to do the same. He obviously wants to be around your LO so I would take that opportunity for what its worth! Some don't have that.
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    ldooldoo member

    Yeah, I had no problem letting him have them yesterday. And after some tears on her part, it worked just fine.

    I was just curious what is typical, because I want to always allow flexibility, but I also want to adhere as strictly as possible to the schedule because my 4yo gets really out of sorts when we don't (of course, this is all still new to her).

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    dmndsr4evadmndsr4eva member

    What schedule did you finally decide on?

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    ldooldoo member
    imagedmndsr4eva:

    What schedule did you finally decide on?

    They spent that night there and ended up being fine. Then he said he has to work tonight (he normally has them Wednesdays), so I offered to let them go with him Friday to make up for it, but he declined cause he'll be out of town.

    I'm totally cool with being flexible ONLY if it doesn't happen too often, because changing the schedule too much is really confusing to my oldest girl. 

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