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August 2012 Moms
Need to Vent Before Confronting DH
Title: Need to Vent Before Confronting DH
So I don't know what to do. DH works part time starting at 11am or later until between 4pm and 9pm. So he never works more than 10 hours (and that is only one day a week). Well he insists he needs time to himself and has said he feels like priorities are always the baby, me, and then him. Therefore he uses this to justify going out for 6+ hours at a time, 3 days a week. When he is home, most of the time he is gaming online or sleeping, saying he needs sleep for work. Dude, you work at 11 at the earliest.
We are on the verge of losing our car after already losing our apartment and he has put minimal effort into finding a new job (his job is 45 minutes away by car). To top it off, he says he wants to save his cash tips for a wifi card so he can game on the desktop because "He hasn't bought something for himself in a while." F*** you a$$hole, I haven't bought anything for myself since I broke my ankle in MAY! Anything we buy is strictly out of need.
Ugh, maybe I am just tired since LO let himself get overtired and refused to sleep all day, but it is just really bugging me. At least he is asleep now and I can have that drink I wanted.
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Re: Need to Vent Before Confronting DH
I've had a pretty rough night so I apologize in advance for being so blunt.. but holy freaking helll he seems like he needs to get off his as$ and grow up. He has a child to think about and that should ALWAYS be his first priority no matter what.
I know I say this in just about every post but my DF works OOT and is gone a lot. He has been home maybe 4 days this month. It kills him. Freaking kills him to have to say goodbye to his kids and watch his 2yr old scream for him at the window as he pulls away. BUT he knows he has to do it to provide for his family right now.
I'm not saying he needs to go work OOT or anything but I dont think its too much to ask that he finds a better job and sacrafices a little game time for his family.
, 💙💙💙💙💙💙
I just don't get it. He doesn't get to pick and choose when to be a dad as long as it is convenient for him. Every once in a while he helps, but it usually ends in DS screaming for 10+ minutes before DH figures out how to calm him down. By then he is frustrated and angry and I start to get really nervous about him handling DS. I am dreading going back to work next week because DH gets very angry, very quickly and all I can think about his him doing something horrible if he blacks out. (He used to black out when he was in his teens, but he assured me he was ready and had it under control). He started showing this anger when I was 8 months pregnant and hasn't gotten it back under control, despite my pleas. I don't know what to do.
I totally agree with everything you've said here. My H doesn't work OOT, thank god, but he does work long hours, and honestly it breaks my heart to listen to our toddler call out for him when he's not here, but it's necessary right now.
Reading things like this is what makes me terrified to have a boy; raising a good man seems like an impossible task sometimes.
OP, good luck to you and I hope your SO gets his act together ASAP.
Oh Phq...the last thing you should have to worry about is your DH get angry with your DS when you go back to work. It's emotional enough having to leave your LO. Are you worried he would go so far as to harming your baby out of frustration? If so, it sounds like some anger management classes/counseling would be needed and you need some back up child care. Nothing is worth the risk of your baby being harmed! How do you think he'll react when you talk to him?
WHOA. there's a lot going on in this comment. Has he seen a doctor about these blackouts? How does he know they're under control?
Second, he's got to spend more time with LO ASAP before you start work. He needs time to figure out for himself how to interact with baby.
Third, who else can watch LO? Even if there's no family around or an obvious solution, sounds like you need a backup plan. If you're nervous about him being alone with your son, the two of you need to find out if its going to be ok before you're gone at work. Can you do a trial run where he does all baby stuff in the hours you'd be gone for work while you're still around to answer questions?
DS #1 Born: 10/03/06, DS #2 Born: 08/06/12 My Cooking Blog
I'm sorry your in this situation. I know it's hard when your under stress about finances. It makes everything so much harder. I would say you need to talk to him ASAP. Is there someone who can watch lo while you talk so there are no distractions? It sounds like he kinda needs a 'coming to Jesus' talk. Also, there is no way I would ever leave my child with someone if I was worried in the slightest bit, father or not. It sounds like you have a lot to work through. GL.
I can't say I understand completely ... I'm very blessed to have a VERY hard working husband ... but I have heard him say that he feels like it's me and the baby and then there's him. He also has been spending a lot of time with friends ... he usually has someone over until 2 or 3 in the morning a couple times a week. It really was pissing me off for a bit but after talking to him and getting advice from some friends and family members I realized that it's a BIG change for guys when a baby is born. It use to be all of my attention was on him but now most of it is focused on the baby ... so I understand he's trying to adjust. It still drives me crazy that he doesn't always put our daughter first or that he can be SUPER selfish at times, but I'm trying to be patient and understanding.
With all that said I'm not at all saying that what your husband is doing is right. I believe that as the man he should provide for the family and do anything and everything in his power to provide ... but I'm sure the adjustment is playing a role in him acting so ridiculous!