Attachment Parenting
Bride-hilda
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Sooooooo this might be a totally rude question. :)
Bride-hilda
member
I'm still trying to wrap my head around attachment parenting, and I like a LOT of what I read, but does attachment parenting have anything to do with how much or little you discipline your children?
Hm, I guess that's not a rude question....
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Re: Sooooooo this might be a totally rude question. :)
There is a "positive discipline" approach that is embraced by a lot of APers, but like all things there is no hard and fast rule to how you incorporate AP into your family.
The idea of positive discipline is that it makes a distinction between discipline and punishment as being two very different things. It focuses on building a connection and relationship with your child and understanding their point of view.
So I don't spank my daughter. I don't try and shame, embarrass or humiliate her, but I do strive to have her develop discipline. I expect her to use manners and follow instructions. I don't give into her every whim etc etc
Elizabeth 5yrs old Jane 3yrs old
There's a common misperception that AP is about "permissive" parenting - and that's false! AP is not about "let kiddo do whatever she wants" and "spoil your kid" - of course some APers parent that way...but so do many "mainstream" parents
AP is about being connected to your kids and valuing them as humans - their wants and needs should be respected. That doesn't mean that just because my kid wants something, he gets it. It's still our job as parents to guide our children to what is best.
Discipline and punishment aren't synonyms. Discipline means guiding my child to do the right thing and acknowledging how he feels when he does mess up - and "correcting" that behavior. So for example, if Callum snatches a toy from Eleanor I usually call him out "Callum, what did you do? Is that ok? How did that make E feel? What should you do?" or something like that. If that doesn't fix things, he loses the toy or depending on the situation and the severity might have a little "time in" now that he's old enough to get that. I'm also a big believer in the Playful Parenting model of acknowledging kids' feelings and using that to head off many discipline issues while modeling appropriate coping skills.
I don't think that method of discipline is unique to AP, but is one that I find compatible with the principles of being "in tune with the needs of your child" - and actually I don't think permissive parenting is in line with AP as I understand it.
Breastfeeding Counselor with Breastfeeding USA
Babywearing Guide ** Newborn Carriers
Cloth Diaper Guide
Safe Bed Sharing Info
This blog has a nice graph about discipline vs. punishment: https://www.phdinparenting.com/2008/10/20/my-discipline-spectrum/
We've never had a set discipline policy, but it doesn't mean we don't keep track of how our kids behave. DS2 is almost five, and we've just started giving him time-outs for very serious infractions, but they don't happen very often, and we've only started it since he's been old enough to know what a warning is, etc.
Also, we're definitely AP when it comes to our kids when they are babies, but aren't as much the older they get. The beauty of all parenting styles is that you can pick and choose the parts that work for you.
DS2 - Oct 2010 (my VBAC baby!)
No. It has to do with HOW you discipline your children not IF you discipline your children.
I have seen kids running wild that I know live in a spank first yell later type household. And I've seen kids running wild that I know live in extremely AP home. In both examples the parents aren't really doing their jobs, but it's got nothing to do with whether they are AP.
And of course kids from all types of households have lousy days where it looks like the parents are letting them be raised by wolves no matter how well behaved the kids usually are.