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50/50 Custody anyone?

monpetitechouchou01monpetitechouchou01
in Single Parents
My ex tried to get me to fill out a 50/50 custody (physical and legal) this week and I declined. We were never married, we live about 35 min away from each other and our child is 3 months old. He never wanted her to begin with but now he wants her and I'm afraid we will go into a huge battle over this. I want him in our child's life and have allowed him to see her as often as he'd like. My lawyer says that even 5050 legal custody for us is not feasible because he's a bully and shows no respect towards me. However, he had more money than I do and she does feel he's doing this more in order to lower the child support. REgardless... how many of you have been granted 50/50 custody with young children in cases where you weren't married and where both of you were unable to come to any decisions jointly? I'm trying to brace myself for what may happen.
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Re: 50/50 Custody anyone?

  • tampacoptampacop
    My daughters dad told me that he was going to get 50/50 custody but that was all talk.  Like you I want him in her life but 50/50 was not ideal in our situation.  He currently has not seen her in 4 months and she is 7 months this week.  That is his doing, I will allow him to see her whenever he chooses.  Do you think that you ex is just trying to save money and thats why he is asking for 50/50?
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  • MamatoA2010MamatoA2010 member
    We have 50/50 custody of DD but we were also married for 7 years. FWIW her dad may be a d-bag but he's a great dad to her. GL!
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  • blueyedsweety28blueyedsweety28 member
    I think you should let him watch her for a whole day and he'll probably stop asking for 50/50 placement when he realizes that taking care of a 3 month old isn't as easy as he thought .. my son was 3 months and my ex was only rewarded two hours a day .. 
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  • dmndsr4evadmndsr4eva member

    My ex and I split when my son was 1.5 years old.  I immediately went to one of the top family court attorneys in my area.  She told me that developmentally babies and toddlers need one primary caregiver (usually mom especially if you are breastfeeding).  Your ex is probably only asking for 50/50 to lower the child support.  It is not in your child's best interest to be away from you for long periods of time.  Up until age three you shouldn't be away from your child for more than one night in a row.  If I were you I would tell him that he cannot get overnights right now.  For an infant it is typical for you to offer a few hours here an there throughout the week.  When the baby gets older he can maybe increase to every other weekend.  A typical schedule for young kids is Wednesday night with dad and every other weekend. 

    It was hard at first to be away from my son and it still is but it is nice to have sometime for myself.  My son is almost three and he goes with his dad on Wednesdays and every other Friday and Saturday.  This works nicely because I still have him every Sunday.  Which worked for us because his Dad has Fridays off of work.

    Good Luck. 

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  • monpetitechouchou01monpetitechouchou01

    Thank you ladies! I greatly appreciate your input. I honestly do! I've been looking around for others in my same situation and the best and only responses I've received are from you. So THANK YOU!.

    From what I've been told by my lawyer he stands to give our child quite a bit in child support and we feel thats where the 5050 comes from. I'm happy to tell him to take his money and shove it to be honest because my concern is with my child. If I saw and felt that he was able to take care of her it would be a blessing. I'd be able to go to work comfortably knowing she was in good hands.

    However, this is NOT the case. He's never once changed her diaper. Yes, he attempted but the moment he saw it was a poop blowout he turned her over to me. He once grabbed her and peeled her away from him while carrying her and said "Her nails are hurting me take her" and he handed her over to me with disgust. Somehow this hurt me so much because she didn't deserve that. He works approximately 70-90 hrs per week and his primary concern is his dating life. Right now he's traveling the world with one of the women he cheated on me with. He does plan on getting a nanny to take care of her during his 5050 turn so I am guessing that is why he isn't concerned with the daily care of a baby. He is demanded an abortion and said so time and time again (via text in particular).  STill I gave him the opportunity to be in our baby's life and now he wants to battle me for custody. I feel like an idiot for thinking I was doing the best thing for my child because I do believe that a child should have both parents in their life. But he's put me through hell and back to the point where he even disrespects me in my own home. A few weeks ago he yelled at me while my family and his family was present.

    I just don't see how we can do 50/50 when he feels like hes the most powerful being around due to his position at work and in society. I asked him if he wanted to partake in the baby's baptism and his response was "COnsidering I have a say in the baby's religion I could tell you NO she's not being baptized. BUt for now.. I"ll tell you yes". This is precisely what Ill have to deal with for everything if someone grants him 50/50 custody. This is also coming from a man who threatened to take her away from me if I did not have an abortion. Im extremely worried about what a judge will rule. IF anyone else has been in such a situation please please share your story with me.

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