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Pre-School and Daycare
LoveEeyore
member
Mom spat. How to deal with the kids' side?
LoveEeyore
member
A friend and I had a huge fight. I was her special ed advocate and love her boy, and the time we spent together for meetings, my DD became attached to him.
She is crazy, a PhD professor obsessed with getting attention from men, is openly hostile to her DH, sobs in front of her son that when she found out he was a boy considered aborting. She had an affair and spared no details, and said he made her feel smart and pretty. She loves my kids, and has had a weird obsession with my DS b/cc he looks a lot like her DS but is very snuggly, and she pretends when she is holding him that she is her baby Henry. ugh.
Over the summer we were going to the pool together, and she was holding John trying to talk him into riding in her car, and told her son he should ride with Alex (DD#1) and he ran over opened my car door and threw it into my DH's car. Brand new. He drove it for one week before going overseas. Broke the paint, left a HUGE dent. I flip out, but we continue. Went to the pool. I planned on letting him handle it to spare our friendship.
Anyway, she emailed my DH overseas apologizing, accepting responsibility, offering to pay. He didn't get back within 24 hours because he was in transit home, wanted to see it, blah blah. She proceeded to email me that he's a control freak, and a jerk, it wasn't her fault but she wanted take the heat off of me. She went off on our horrid family values and materialism (who says to me in front of her son that she wishes she'd married a better breadwinner). Oh and with an ass for a husband I had no hope of raising strong girls and that's my fault. the fact that I was upset and worried about him being upset indicates I'm afraid of him. But our different values don't need to impact the kids' friendship for now..
So I told her off, told her to mind her own values, marriage and parenting and to keep the hell away from us. I am so done.
BUT. My daughter is asking to go play with him because she takes them to fun places and gives them more treats. I am kinda hemming and hawing, and putting it off, but they are classmates, and it's a co-op school and soon enough she'll be in the classroom.
I am angry and leary of her talking to DD alone because in the past she has suggested things like going on their family camping trips without us- getting DD excited and then pissed at me for saying no.
I am truthful with the kids on all matters to the extent theycan handle, but don't know how to handle this. Outside, uninvolved party suggestions please!!!
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Re: Mom spat. How to deal with the kids' side?
Can you give it some time so everyone can calm down and blow over?
If you think you really have different values, you could explain to DD that they are only going to be school friends now? Help her pick another friend at school to have play dates with?
I dunno. I don't know if there is a *right* answer.
My twins are 5! My baby is 3!
DS#2 - Allergic to Cashew, Pistachio, Kiwi
DS#3 - Allergic to Milk, Egg, Peanut, Tree Nuts and Sesame
I agree with this.
Sometimes the answer to a kid is 'no' without explanation.
Thritto - this lady sounds nutso and not someone I want to associate with or my kids to associate with.
When the kids ask, just say, sorry, we can't have so and so over for a playdate and leave it at that.
Thanks Ladies, lots to think about.
It will never blow over because I won't let it. Attack me, or even my husband, meh. It can blow over. But call me a bad parent, say my kids will be weak, say the values in my core, the love with which I raise my kids is inadequate... No chance.
She is nutty and DH and I used to joke that one of these days she was going to steal our DD. Her son is on the autism spectrum and my daughter calms him. She engages him in play his speech therapist couldn't and my daughter went to speech with him regularly to help. I'm done withh HER. But I ache for both kids. But who knows what else she says to my child when I'm not around- yikes!
Thanks ridesbuttons and others for the permission to just say no. I am fighting it and trying to treat her like an adult here- I guess I felt she needed an explanation to be fair. My mom was so dictatorial that I always swore I would be the opposite. But maybe no is more humane, shutting it down. She makes instant best friends wherever we go, but even this morning she asked and I reminded her he'd be going to a different Elementary school next year. And she said "Mama, best friends forever is for real. He'll always be mine." Knife. Jab. Twist.
I like the school friends idea a lot. They are always paired together because she soothes him. When he flips out and shoves someone she gets between them and gives him a hug. It's weird. I love that about her.
I like the schoolfriend excuse. If you need to say more either say that it doesn't work with your schedule or be honest and say that your values are different but the values comment may get her asking more questions
This poster had some good excuse you could use to say that the scheduling doesn't work.
If she made you that uncomfortable over your kids, I would have stopped hanging out with her. She sounds creepy.
I don't find it funny when she says that your kids should come alone with her on outings. My MIL and SIL were always saying to lend DS to them and I always said no because that is weird to say such things. That causes me to be creeped out. Then again they are crazy, too.
I think you should trust your insincts and stay away from the whole family as much as possible. I don't know if you have read The Gift of Fear, but the author points out that sometimes we can make jokes about what we really truly fear might happen. Perhaps your jokes about this woman's interest in your children is due to your gut telling you something is off.
Your daughter sounds like a wonderful friend, and she will be able to make others.
Ack. I have chills. I don't think that would happen, but do know straws and camel's backs.
yeah, I've always esteemed her too smart to really be that dangerous, but frankly DH and I are relieved to have her out of our lives. She was a handy sitter, I was her advocate- it was a convenient relationship but the crazy meter really spiked. She has joked in the past with the kids asking if she can keep them. Good riddance. Too bad, because her kid rocks, and her poor hubby is very cool.