Becoming a 2nd time mom....people making me nervous

jaimedennis · September 2012

A lot of people are supportive but some women (and men) at work are scaring me. They are telling me "oh you just wait, your world is about to turn upside down" and "it is really hard" " you will be glad when you return to work"....

I know things are going to drastically change but now I am starting to get some anxiety about whether or not I will be able to handle it. I am also staying home from work indef now that I will have a 2 year old and newborn. I do have a very hands on husband and my in laws close by to help out.....

Moms of 2 or more....is it really that bad?? Any tips?

MandyWes · September 2012

I'll become a mom of 2 tomorrow morning and I just started getting those same comments this weekend! What the heck? I mean thanks people, like we don't have enough to worry about...ha ha

I'm sorry I don't have tips or advice but... You will be able to handle it, I will be able to handle it, we will all be fine. Smile Good luck!

KatieKim0815 · September 2012

I have spoken to A LOT of Moms on here and IRL. Many (dare I say) the majority of women said it was harder to go from 0 to 1 then it was from 1 to 2. When you have 1 you already have the Mom instinct built in a bit.

That being said if your first was 5 months old, that might not be so easy but if they're 1.5 yrs and up I think it shouldn't be too hard!

hcbrowne · September 2012

I can't really say b/c this is my first, BUT in general pertaining to most life circumstances other people often want others to suffer as they have suffered (lame). Of course there will be trying times and it will be difficult, however, attitude is everything! If you keep making it out to be horrible, it will be horrible. Don't let them get you down; only you decide how you feel and what you are capable of!

Sorry--HUGE pet peeve of mine. Rude people

hmontty · September 2012

Oh jeez...I got the SAME comments when we were having our first! Come to think of it, I got the same comments when I got engaged...

People LOVE to incite trouble and be dramatic. Ignore them. You'll be great.

akaoct2005 · September 2012

My first 2 girls are exactly 2 years apart...I really think it depends on the personality of your kids. My first was a tough baby but then became easier as she got older. My second was an easy baby and got tougher once she turned one. So, initially, it wasn't too hard, but got a bit harder once the baby hit 1. If people offer to help, take the help. Don't try and be a hero! I don't remember it all that well, but it couldn't have been that bad, because we are expecting baby #3 soon!

Good luck...and you will be fine! Just prioritize and let the small things go (or wait)!

RockyMtnMama · September 2012

It's just different and you have to change your support group a lot. Make sure you find good friends and family who can relate and give you an outlet to be you - all sides of you (mom, wife, independant you, etc.).

I didn't find it that much harder, but I'm also pretty laid back about parenting - don't sweat the small stuff and enjoy the ride.

valkyriemama · September 2012

0 to 1 was the hardest. 1 to 2 was difficult, but once you're beyond the newborn stage it's not so bad. You find a routine and go with it. 2 to 3 and 3 to 4 were actually the easiest because I had helpers and more playmate options means less constant need for attention. People with 2 or 3 are already trying to scare be about oh how hard things will be when #5 is, but since they don't even have 4 I just laugh at them.

*LrCg* · September 2012

My first 2 are 16 months appart and I never felt it was hard to adjust. For me, it was harder being pregnant and chasing after a walking 10 month old then it was when they were both out of the womb! We never had issues adjusting to 1 either and we don't have help from family, etc. I think people just like scaring others- just like when your pregnant people love to tell how awful birth is, etc. BTW- I never found that to be true either. I don't get people sometimes....

CurlyQ284 · September 2012

I honestly think its different for everyone. Some moms are better suited to SAHM, some moms aren't and have more difficulty. Everyone handles things differently and they should butt out because no one can say how difficult you will find it. Good luck!

mest1215 · September 2012

my two kids are 13months apart...and i honestly dont think it was that hard. it was a hard adjustment for the first few weeks, but that was bc of the lack of sleep. My DD could have cared less about the new addition to our family, we never had an issue with it. Now that they are 4 and 3, oh my gosh im so grateful everyday that they have each other! we went to a pumpkin farm over the weekend and they were on all the rides together, and laughing and giggling together. My DH and i were like "how lucky are we" and im so happy they have that sibling love, and will grow up knowing what its like to have a brother/sister!!! it obviously went so well that we are expecting #3! So dont listen to the nay sayers...you will be so in love w/ your new baby and watching your first become a big brother/sister that you wont even think about it! Congrats!

SummerOH · September 2012

I never understand comments like this. Families with more than one kid are the norm. It's not like parents go crazy and have breakdowns with the arrival of LO #2. Some people just like to be dramatic. ITA with PP - my friends with more than one say the transition from 0 to 1 was way more jarring than from 1 to 2.

jaimedennis · September 2012

Thanks for all of the advice and support!

emd79 · September 2012

In some ways it is easier because you know what you are doing as far as taking care of a newborn. I was more comfortable with breastfeeding, sleep issues, those types of things. I also didn't freak out about every little thing that came up like I did with the first. So taking care of the newborn was easier. The difficult part came in as far as time management. Every spare minute was spent making sure my first son was receiving the attention he needed. Also, it was hard because you can't "sleep when the baby sleeps" because you have another child to take care of. Sleep deprivation was probably my biggest issue because my second son was an awful sleeper at night while my first son was an early riser and did not take a nap during the day!

itsmevkb · September 2012

I found going from none to one harder than going from one to two. Even with three now it's not THAT hard. People just like to scare you. You'll find your routine and rhythm and it will all work itself out.

sschwege · September 2012

I've been hearing this too. But one of my Aunts who has 5 kids swears that it gets easier as you go. She says that they all just entertain each other. I just keep reminding myself of what she says, and try to ignore everyone else.

NicoleWI · September 2012

It depends so much on your kids and your exact situation! It was really, really hard for us but a lot of that was b/c of DS's reflux and feeding aversions, and me getting mastitis four times. Ugh. Despite the fact that it was super hard, I have no regrets!! It's so worth it. It's awesome, too, in between the hard times, just like it is with one baby. And now that DS is older and everything is much easier, it's SO much fun watching him "talk" to his sister and seeing them play together. He's a super sweet little guy and definitely more than worth all the trouble early on.

Emerson2007 · September 2012

I heard this today from the cashier at Panera. So annoying. Funny thing is, my oldest was at school and I guess she thought I was pregnant with #2? She had such an intensity of how bad our world was about to change.....I just laughed and said , " actually, this is our 3rd, and I used to watch 3 boys. It's really not that bad." I just smiled.

The most irritating comment is how sorry people are that I am having a 3rd boy! EVERYONE says it that asks what I am having. So rude!

Emerson2007 · September 2012

I forgot to add.......no, it isn't that bad:) It is as bad as having to go through the sleepless newborn phase again and try to heal from labor. Mine were exactly 2 years apart, and the hardest part for us, was watching our 2 yr go through the emotions of a new baby in the house. Now his world was turned upside down, lol, but only for 2 weeks. Now they are best buds. People just think they know it all, and as I'm sure you have experienced, this is just another comment in your child-raising lifetime of unsolicited advice from strangers.

Randa&Jerm · September 2012

akaoct2005:

My first 2 girls are exactly 2 years apart...I really think it depends on the personality of your kids. My first was a tough baby but then became easier as she got older. My second was an easy baby and got tougher once she turned one. So, initially, it wasn't too hard, but got a bit harder once the baby hit 1. If people offer to help, take the help. Don't try and be a hero! I don't remember it all that well, but it couldn't have been that bad, because we are expecting baby #3 soon!

Good luck...and you will be fine! Just prioritize and let the small things go (or wait)!

Same with me, (especially the bold above) and I will disagree (at least in my case) that going from 0-1 was WAY easier than going from 1-2 for me. The hardest part was for me that I had to watch DD1 like a hawk and NEVER had a moment to myself without one or the other attached to my hip (or boob! lol)

At least with only 1 if you have to use the restroom or do something real quick you can make sure they are laying in a safe spot like a swing.bouncer.pack-n-play.blanket on the floor etc. run to the restroom and back without too much worry. With DD1 I had to either take her with me to go potty or to the kitchen or wherever because I could NEVER leave them both in the same room without a pair of eyes on them. DD1 just LOVED her baby sister so much and wanted to hold or hug or kiss on her that I was worried that she would hurt her unintentionally.

Once DD2 got a little bigger and sturdier it got easier...until DD2 got mobile! lol But my DD1 was such a big helper when she could with tossing diapers in the trash, or handing me certian things while I was nursing or whatever.

My advice is involve your 1st as much as you can and make her feel like a good big sister and you will be amazed at how much love you can have for 2 little ones and their love for each other. Also, when someone asks if they can help, take the help

rcbuko · September 2012

I must say, life with only one child was definitely easier and once baby number two arrived, life did get more hectic. That said, I wouldn't change it at all and it is doable.

I did appreciate getting out of the house to go to work because I was able to get me time. Basically, I could finish my coffee while it was still warm and eat with two hands, not having to hold someone at any given time.

There were some things that were actually easier. When #2 cried, #1 would sometimes sing or dance or otherwise entertain #2 to make her happy.

My husband is also very hands on and I also have a lot of family help. That is great and I know I have it a lot better than most people. Use the help that is offered to you. The hardest thing I found about having number 2 was the lack of sleep. My two year old refused to nap and the baby woke every 2 hours for many months. Since my first child wouldn't nap, I had no time to rest. It was draining and made little things harder to deal with. If family is around, they can at least entertain the two year old so you can rest.

All of this being said, we totally planned number three so it obviously isn't that bad. It is more difficult having more children, but the joy is intense.

erbear · September 2012

In my experience, going from 0-1 was hard since I had no idea what I was doing. So the baby stuff with #2 was much easier. But it's much harder for me to go from 1-2. We could go about our business with one kid and 2 adults. Logistically, it's much harder now, I feel constantly pulled in different directions (mine are 3.5 and 1.5). It's slowly getting easier, but yeah, it's been challenging.

brewcitybride · September 2012

Lurking here...but I can say I have moments where I look at my children and have such an astounding sense of pride and love that washes over me, and I feel it a hundred times more now that I have two children, than when I only had one child. There's just something about having more than one that is so...awesome! So NO, don't listen to the naysayers. It is unbelievably awesome and amazing and rewarding!

That being said, it's also the most challenging thing I've ever done in my life, and you will have some really, really hard days. But nothing good comes without its challenges, right?

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