recovery time?

horsevaulter · September 2012

Hello! I am planning on having a natural birth and am just wondering how long it took all you mamas' to recover after having a baby. My DH's mom wants to come stay with us for 2 weeks as soon as the baby comes. Will this be helpful? Her and my DH are under the impression that I will pretty much be staying in bed for like a whole week or more after delivery.. This seems crazy to me! I am young and healthy, but I have never really been around someone who just gave birth, so I really don't know.. I am also the type of person that really needs my own space and I get really agitated when people are over too long. Any thoughts or advice would be greatly appreciated!

Thanks!!

kerryholmes · September 2012

I felt amazing 3 days after my first was born, and pushed myself hard (we had a house fire and I thought I was well enough to clean stuff out with the rest of the guys etc) ended up starting my bleeding and soreness all over again. Take it easy for a week

You dont need to lay in bed, but just listen to your body. I'd be all over my MIL coming to help for 2 weeks! (if we got along well) I'd say I felt 100% back to myself 4-5 days after my second birth, took it much easier.

ridesbuttons · September 2012

If someone wanted to come and genuinely help for two weeks, I'd be all over that. It's just weird the first time around. Breastfeeding is harder than anyone gives it credit for (way harder than labour, btw); there's laundry and cooking and your sleep is beyond messed up. Your body will continue to change for some time, your hormones will go cah-rayzee and there's just more to do in ways you can't really anticipate.

She has at least one kid, she's been there, done that. I have heard from friends who had mothers or mothers-in-law come after babe is born that it is a godsend, in the right mix.

If she is going to come and help, actually help, I say: yipee!

annabelle.27 · September 2012

Wheteher it will be helpful depends on how well you like your MIL. Having my MIL wouldn't have been helpful no matter how incapacitated I was.

Really, though, if you have a vaginal birth you probably won't NEED that kind of help. You will likely be sore and tender but able to function fine. If you end up with a csection you will most definitely need help, as even getting into a standing position and requires assistance.

vintagejjane · September 2012

I was on bed rest for 3 days because of a severe hematoma because I pushed for so long. At 5 days PP I was at Target shopping and felt much better. Each person is different. I know many other women who were out and about the day after labor. My mom did come and stay with us for 4 days.. I was grateful for that. She did my laundry and cleaned my whole house.

Jenilyn and Matthew · September 2012

ridesbuttons:

If someone wanted to come and genuinely help for two weeks, I'd be all over that. If she is going to come and help, actually help, I say: yipee!

This. I felt back to "normal" within 3-4 days of having DD, but we were working on BFing and adjusting to each other, and it was work. My mom didn't come stay with us, but she was there many hours of the day doing laundry, cooking, holding the baby while I napped, etc and it was wonderful!! I didn't NEED her the whole time, but it was great to have those extra hands when DH or I needed her.

Though you'll probably feel okay within the week, rest while you can and take it easy. You'll recover much quicker and really be back to normal sooner.

MamaBeee · September 2012

ridesbuttons:
If someone wanted to come and genuinely help for two weeks, I'd be all over that. It's just weird the first time around. Breastfeeding is harder than anyone gives it credit for (way harder than labour, btw); there's laundry and cooking and your sleep is beyond messed up. Your body will continue to change for some time, your hormones will go cah-rayzee and there's just more to do in ways you can't really anticipate.

She has at least one kid, she's been there, done that. I have heard from friends who had mothers or mothers-in-law come after babe is born that it is a godsend, in the right mix.

If she is going to come and help, actually help, I say: yipee!

Couldn't have said it better myself! If the help is genuine, you are a very lucky lady!

oliversmommy32912 · September 2012

I felt great pretty much immediately in every way except I had pretty bad tearing so I couldn't do anything. It was so frustrating! I think if I wouldn't have torn I would have been completely recovered in three or four days, max. With the tearing I was practically bedridden for a week, unable to really care for myself well for two weeks. I still had pain with sitting for more than a half hour until 6 weeks.

KrisM86 · September 2012

I had a very long labor, but no serious tears or other complications. I pretty much stayed in bed or on the couch for maybe 3 days and definitely took it easy for the rest of that first week, but I certainly wasn't incapacitated. MH stayed home with me for 5 days after DD was born and then had to go back to work and I was fine on my own.

I think it is difficult to say ahead of time exactly how you will feel and how much help you will need. Each labor is different and each recovery is different.

AmyRI · September 2012

I had a short (< 8) hour labor, no complications, minor tearing. Left the hospital after 48 hours. Was shopping at Target for clothes (we were team green!) at 3 days postpartum, but after that trip I was downright exhausted. Felt great at the time, though!

At 4 days postpartum, breastfeeding issues got worse and we spent the next week trying to fix the situation, and that was a HUGE time suck. I had energy and my body felt fine as far as delivery went, but all of that energy went into appointments with pediatricians and LCs, nursing, pumping, and attempting to keep myself fed, hydrated, and cleaned.

If "help" really is help - making you meals, cleaning up after said meals, bringing you drinks, keeping an eye on the baby while you shower, running to the store for any supplies you forgot - then absolutely take it. So long as you can also say, " I need a few hours to myself" and you're comfortable crying in front of her (because you seriously can't help hormones - I never cried while PG but could tear up at anything postpartum) then I see no issues.

tlew12778 · September 2012

I had a pretty traumatic labor that involved an episiotomy and vacuum extraction and I didn't feel marginally normal until about 12 days PP. I'm 18 days PP now and still feel like everything is going to fall out of me every now and then,

alanap · September 2012

I don't recall staying in bed for a week after DD was born. Yes, I took it easy, but in no way was incapacitated. Although it would be nice to have someone around to actually help out with things so that I could focus on the baby and myself, 2 weeks sounds like a little much for me. How about a couple of days?

Temp76535187505890 · September 2012

I felt amazing the very day I gave birth. I was blessed with a very short labor so I wasn't exhausted like many mothers are after labor. In fact, I was on such a high that I couldn't sleep or relax until the next day. However, I knew that if I pushed myself that I'd regret it because even though I felt awesome my body needed time to recover. And to me, that means putting my feet up and doing nothing but holding my baby and getting up to shuffle to the bathroom. Everything else could be brought to me by those wishing to help.

So I say, if there is help offered and you can stand for them to do things their way then take them up on it. It's hard to let go if you like things done your way but it really does go much better if you let people help.

Nechie122 · September 2012

I was more or less functioning within 12 hours of DD's birth. I couldn't walk very far and I had pain sitting, but I could basically take care of myself. I wasn't incapacitated in my apartment.

Having my MIL around for that long would have driven me crazy. Even having my ILs and parents visiting once a week drove me nuts. I needed my space but everyone is different.

drubie · September 2012

It depends entirely on the woman and her baby. If you like your own space (as you said), 2 weeks is going to feel like an eternity (1 week was plenty with my own mom and sister, and they weren't always here). I'm getting out a ton, but when I'm home, I'm often in bed, just snuggling and nursing my (very mellow) baby. I definitely didn't stay confined to bed, but with my tear (plus some back pain), I wasn't driving much, and I moved verrry slowly in the first week. My husband has had a nice long leave, so I've had someone here to get me things and take the baby when I need to rest, so maybe your MIL will fill that role if your husband won't be around during the day as much. But I don't think that you need to plan to stay home/stay in bed the first week or two.

mjr12 · September 2012

hibiscus29:
Everyone is different, but i was up and moving everywhere right after the baby was born. I walked a little more slowly for a few days, but at 2 weeks, i was going on 1.5 mile walks. I had two small tears with stitches, but they weren't too bad.

This was just like mine. I did not tear, but I felt great! I was up and moving right after the birth, and settled in nicely. My mom came to visit when DS was 5 days old. That day we had a follow up appt with the midwife and spent the day out of town for that. I didn't have much of a problem with fatigue. DH did the cooking etc, but I was physically functioning wonderfully. I started normal workouts at 4 weeks with no issues.

Each person is different, but I did not have any issues.

aylafsu88 · September 2012

If you like your DHs mom then that would be a big help! For me it took me weeks to feel better. I had a second degree tear and lots of stitches. I was in some real pain for the first week, it hurt to sit and I could not get up or down holding the baby. I felt better after the first week but it was not until 6 weeks that I felt normal down there! My mom stayed with me the first week and she was a life saver! When the baby would cry she would bring LO to me so I didnt have to get up and down to much. I dont know how my DH and I would have survived without her! So if you like your MIL then defiantly take her up on the offer because it she can help you out alot when you are recovering those first couple of weeks.

mb314 · September 2012

It can depend a lot on how your tear, etc. I just had a small 2nd degree tear and some stitches (I never asked how many). I never had a lot of discomfort down there.

Like 4 days after birth, I walked the dog around the block, and afterwards I was tired. But by the end of the first week, I could walk a mile, and now at 11 days post birth, I can do two or three miles walking. I would almost be tempted to run, but I will wait until after my 6 week check up. I exercised until the end during my pregnancy, which I think helped me.

In terms of house work, physically, I didn't have any problems with it, but realistically, it's hard to get things done with a newborn.

jteneback · September 2012

I was walking around gingerly about 2 days after and felt normal (not counting bleeding) within a week. I had two stitches and a pretty easy birth. I think you are on a bit of a high after the baby is born, a week or two in you might appreciate the help!

*LrCg* · September 2012

I think it depends on the person- I'm a great multi tasker. My first was a homebirth (I actually cleaned my house during labor) and a few hours after the birth I was just so jacked I baked a cake (I wanted to make it during labor but I had a very fast birth and spent most of my time cleaning the house). I had no issues with continuing to make meals, do laundry (we CD from the start), cleaning, etc. I never tore so I'm not sure if that was the difference for me and I was also very active prior and during my pregnancy. For me, help would have been in the way- I wanted that alone time to be with my family. We did allow vistors but only 1 set of vistors a day.

georgi611 · September 2012

I was up and able to move around no problem the same day I gave birth. I had a 2nd degree tear, but I still felt pretty good despite that. Swollen and sore, of course, but those cooling pads were AMAZING! Loved them! My first shower afterwards was even more amazing!

DH and I had fun going for walks around the hall with baby in her cart.

The first week I was home I did okay. I tried not to overexert myself knowing I could mess up my stitches.

I think recovery time is different for everybody.

ncbelle · September 2012

I'd have gone BSC if I'd stayed in bed a week - nothing wrong with doing that though if that's what feels right! I had two easy deliveries and was back doing normal stuff for the most part within days.

My answer would depend more on how you feel about DH's mother. If you love her and don't mind the post-baby company - sure! It's great to have someone cook and clean while you enjoy your baby and sort out BFing (if you plan to nurse). I didn't want house guests so I didn't really have them...and it sounds like you may be the same.

The best course might be to play it by ear - you never know what you may find useful. And of course have DH make it clear to her that her priority is to help (as in taking care of the house) - not hogging the baby!

L0L0 · September 2012

I felt great and had no tears from the birth. My mom came and waited on me hand and foot for a week, and it was wonderful!! Then my MIL showed up for 2 weeks and it was awful, stifling, intrusive and infuriating. She was not supportive, she criticized me and said I fed the baby too often and held her too much. She brought her dogs. She wanted regular meals but wouldn't cook. She made my husband run her errands.

So, if you have any worry that your MIL will be a burden rather than a help, do yourself a favor and establish strict limits from the beginning. it was horrible but DH had to throw his mother out in the end and obviously that's not the kind of drama you want when you are with your precious newborn. Beware of overdoing it with house guests.

nosoup4u · September 2012

My DH had four weeks off of work after DS2 was born, and it was great. I stayed off my feet for the first week or two, and I needed it, quite frankly (I had a second degree tear, and a giany baby). I felt pretty much back to normal by three weeks.

Having a newborn was a big transition for us with DS1 - my MIL came when he was a few weeks old, and it was a huge help to have an extra person around. I wouldn't turn your MIL down at all!

LadyMadrid08 · September 2012

I say to accept any help if you get along with the person offering it, trust that they will actually help (not just try to hold the baby all day), and will listen to you/understand if you need to ask them to back off a little.

Recovery-wise I had it very, very easy. No tearing and a slightly bruised tailbone are all I was dealing with. I was up and walking around the mall with DD when she was 6 days old. By 4 weeks PP I felt perfectly fine and even got the go-ahead from my OB to resume sex/normal activity.

That said, I know having my mom there helped my recovery so much! Those first couple weeks she handled food, dishes, some laundry, holding DD when I needed to pee or nap. She helped me with breastfeeding concerns and any other question I had as a worried ftm. It was so great I am asking her to come again this time for the same amount of time or longer.

ETA: Also, keep in mind you have no idea what your labor will actually end up being like. I think it's great to plan for a natural birth, but sometimes there are unforseen complications and you could face a tougher recovery than you are thinking--in this case it would be absolutely wonderful to already have help figured out. Just something to think about.

barnwife · September 2012

Everyone is different.

With J. (my first), I was sore and pretty much useless for 2 weeks. Going from sitting to standing or vice versa was excruciating for those 2 weeks. As I had declined stitches for my tear, my midwife forbid me from climbing stairs during the first 2 weeks. Which was fine, because there is no way I could have.

With A., overall my recovery was easier. I still took it easy those first few weeks, but I didn't have anywhere near the pain I did with J.

That being said, my mom comes to stay for about a week after baby is born. My mom is geniunely helpful. She cooks, cleans, does laundry, goes grocery shopping or whatever else needs to be done. So I am glad to take her up on this offer. I would decline without hesitation if I thought for one second the person was going to create more work for me.

jennyelf · September 2012

I had a pretty easy delivery with just minor tearing. I'm also young(ish) and very healthy and athletic. Physically, I recovered quite quickly. I stayed in bed for most of the 48 hour post delivery hospital stay. I stopped feeling too sore after a few days, and by the end of the week, I felt pretty normal. What got me was the lack of sleep due to getting up to nurse LO all the time.

Ultimately what really helped was that DH took the first 2 weeks off with me. So he did everything around the house and practically everything for LO except feed him. I'd made a ton of food and frozen it before hand so we had plenty of meals. Friends brought food as well, and that helped. If your husband can take the time off, I highly recommend it as it allows all of you to bond.

zaramarie81 · September 2012

it can take about a month for a healthy mom to recover. i am 2.5 wks out (sorry for sloppy typing; holding sleeping baby) and while i feel pretty great, the minute i start running around doing chores, i start bleeding. or if i move the wrong way i feel the pull of the stitched area. i also am still achey all over. the hardest actually has been this 3rd wk b/c the 1st 2wks baby can be sleepy esp if you end up w/anesthesia... it's the 3rd wk when colic shows up - which my son has. so i am actually craving more visitors and help now. if you like your space i recommend MIL not actually stay w/you but stay nearby.

btw, i am a ftm who had a vaginal delivery w/3rd degree tear.

Joyfullnoise · September 2012

I had a fast labor and intervention/med free delivery AND had 3rd degree tears and struggled to get myself between bed and the toilet for the first week.

Recovery is as unique and specific as labor.

I agree; I wouldn't want lingering houseguests, either, but if your mom is helpful to you, you might find you really need the help. My husband went back to work after 5 days and I struggled to feed myself.

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