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October 2012 Moms
Am I being over sensitive- family visiting?
Maybe I'm being over sensitive but I wanted to see what you ladies thought. My sister lives in Texas and is in the army. She cannot come home very much because of her schedule. She's flying home next weekend for a few days with her boyfriend, I am not due until 10/17. She cannot come in late Oct or Nov because of work. She does have a long leave at Christmas and I asked why she couldn't come then instead so she could see the baby. My mom said that she told her she is going to see her boyfriend's family for 2 weeks at Christmas. She said not to worry, she'll see the baby next July when she gets more leave. I am really hurt, she is choosing to go see her boyfriend's family over meeting her new nephew. My moms like, well she's madly in love and what not and babies are kind of boring that young anyways and told me I was selfish for even expecting her to come see my baby.
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Re: Am I being over sensitive- family visiting?
I can understand your hurt, but unfortunately, your mom is right. Your sister is an adult, and is free to do what she feels is best for herself. Might she regret it later? Perhaps. But that's on her, not you.
So allow yourself to work through the hurt, and leave it there. Hugs!
I understand both you and your sister's point of view. I understand why you're hurt, but I also understand the thrill of having a new relationship and being in love. Is she about to be engaged? That might explain the Christmas visit with the BF.
She also might feel like so much is going on with you that she can take some time for herself. Can she meet the baby via Skype or something like that?
Are you being over sensitive, who knows - it's a matter of not understanding each other's priorities. I know my BIL still doesn't get it (on so many levels) and I've been with DH almost 10 years now, and this is DD#2 for us! It hurts my feelings, and I know it hurts DH too, but what are you going to do. He just doesn't get it, and he won't till he's in our shoes. I'm betting your sister's priorities are just different than yours, and all she can think about is her priorities, not yours. She sees it as, "I'll see my boyfriend's family at christimas, and I'd rather come see my sister and the baby in July when the baby can do stuff with me. She won't know that I wasn't there her first week, so it doesn't matter."
Thank you, I know you're right, I really shouldn't allow myself to keep being upset, its only hurting me.
Skype is a good idea. She may be getting engaged... good point.
I guess it really all depends on the boyfried status. I mean DH and I dated for almost 9 years before we were married. His family was my family and we always spent Christmas together.(although we spent it with both of our families) If she is in love with him then he is most likely her priority and that is ok. If they were married I am guessing this wouldn't hurt your feelings as much, but her for love for him is just as strong married or unmarried. Does that make sense.
I understand you want your sister to meet your baby but she has the right to make her own priorities and I don't think they are necessarily bad ones.
If she sees this boyfriend as a future husband then she should make him a priority and if she only gets a little leave time and wants to spend it with him IMO that is ok.
I have no advice, just commiserating.
Your baby is such a big deal for you it can be hard to remember that it's just not as critical for other people. This baby will be the 7th grandchild for my parents, and consequently 7th niece/nephew for my two single brothers and 5th for my other two sibs. From an outsiders perspective, the shine wears off after a while and it probably seems much more exciting to your sister to spend two weeks on a romantic vacation with her BF rather than hanging out with her family and a new baby.
She might even feel the same way about this leave - it's better to get her visit in before the baby is born because afterwards everything is going to be about the baby and she won't get to have her adult visiting time.
When she comes next year and the baby is able to play and such, seeing the baby will be really fun for her.
My oldest brother lives in Europe and he usually comes to visit in July and December. This year he decided to take most of his vacation time in July and just hop around the Mediterranean with a bunch of European friends. It's disappointing, but probably was more fun for him.
I don't mean to sound unsympathetic, I've just been there before.