Family Visits

Re: Family Visits

• MalaJ member

  September 2012

  Sorry no paragraphs, I'm on my kindle. Have you told them flat out not to come over or to call first? Have you tried setting a time limit? Tell them they can come for an hour but that's all the time you can spare. You can also let them in and then just go about your day as if they weren't there. Maybe seeing you working will cause them to pitch in. If you have tried all that, and told them how you feel, I would just pack up LO and leave the house. Claim errands or that you had plans to visit a friend. If they complain, well, they're the ones who came over without checking with you first so tough luck. Hopefuly they will start to get the message. Do make sure you have told them how you feel about their visits though.

  Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml

  Report0 Reply
• Loading the player...
• chris8940

  September 2012

  I seriously have no problems not answering the door if I've already told someone to call before stopping and they just drop in.   

  However if you are not comfortable with this I would, shortly after they arrive, begin to pack your things and politely inform them they caught you at a bad time because you were just on your way out.  But you will call them when you have free time for them to stop in and visit.

  Or you could simply say you'd prefer to do visits at their house so you can decide when the visits happen and for how long. 

  Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml

  Report0 Reply
• SteelCity44 member

  September 2012

  I'm anti-confrontational, so I couldn't ever tell them to come less or less often or to leave. My parents have always been good about calling before coming over, but they don't always ask. They tell. Fortunately, when they come over, they're good about helping out if we need help, and they always provide dinner!

  DH's parents do the same thing, but they want us to entertain them the whole time. It's funny, because when we visit them, we all sit around in the living room watching TV together. When they visit us, they expect long thoughtful conversations.

  I know they're really only visiting to see Micah, because we had very few visits before Micah, and if I need to get stuff done, I just keep on working. I'm not sure if you're comfortable doing that or not. I'll hand Micah to a GP, give them the customary "hello, do you want a drink?" and then continue painting/cleaning/working/cooking/whateverIwasdoing. They have made comments before about not spending time with them, and I've told them that I need to get some things done. I still regularly check on them (really just Micah), and now they don't expect me to entertain them. They're starting to realize that I really do have a lot of stuff to get done.

  This reminds me. I should be getting some work done right now. Sigh.

  Good luck with your family. Sorry they're so clueless. 

  
  Micah Leonard
  

  Report0 Reply
• JaimeG183

  September 2012

  I would try the "oh wow, we didn't know you were coming. you can play with LO for a little while but then we are going out." then let them play while you pack up the car and go run some errands

  that's annoying
  

  Report0 Reply
• FlipFlopGirl32

  September 2012

  SteelCity44:

  I'm anticonfrontational, so I couldn't ever tell them to come less or less often or to leave. My parents have always been good about calling before coming over, but they don't always ask. They tell. Fortunately, when they come over, they're good about helping out if we need help, and they always provide dinner!DH's parents do the same thing, but they want us to entertain them the whole time. It's funny, because when we visit them, we all sit around in the living room watching TV together. When they visit us, they expect long thoughtful conversations.I know they're really only visiting to see Micah, because we had very few visits before Micah, and if I need to get stuff done, I just keep on working. I'm not sure if you're comfortable doing that or not. I'll hand Micah to a GP, give them the customary "hello, do you want a drink?" and then continue painting/cleaning/working/cooking/whateverIwasdoing. They have made comments before about not spending time with them, and I've told them that I need to get some things done. I stillnbsp;regularlynbsp;check on them really just Micah, and now they don't expect me to entertain them. They're starting to realize that I really do have a lot of stuff to get done.This reminds me. I should be getting some work done right now. Sigh.Good luck with your family. Sorry they're so clueless.nbsp;

  
  
  This is exactly our situation. They basically watch tv or play on their phones the entire time they are here. It's sad that I've had to remind them they are missing her childhood by being so distracted.
  
  I'm just going to have to be more direct. I guess they just don't get it. I hate saying no and being confrontational but I'm going to just have to start saying It's a bad time. I've tried just handing the baby to them or telling them what they can do to help. It just stinks. I wish they were those doting grandparents like I had imagined. It's not like I don't see them during the week either. They babysit LO for 2 hours twice a week.

  

  Report0 Reply